


Only With You

by IheartKyloRen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ahch-To, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben doesn't die, Dark Rey (Star Wars), Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Sex (Star Wars), Jedi, Jedi Ben Solo, Jedi Rey (Star Wars), Married Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Masturbation, Momentary Dark Rey, POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Parents Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Planet Naboo (Star Wars), Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Pregnant Rey (Star Wars), Pregnant Sex, Princess Rey (Star Wars), Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey Solo, Romance, Semi-Slow Burn, Sexual Content, Soft Ben Solo, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:55:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 51,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22422202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IheartKyloRen/pseuds/IheartKyloRen
Summary: Ben is suddenly aware of how much he needs Rey, and Rey is fighting to save him after he sacrifices everything for her. When they end up captive on the new Resistance base trying to make sense of each other and why they have the bond they do, they find that it won't be easy to convince the rest of the Resistance that Ben is no longer Kylo Ren. Survival is imperative, but nearly impossible if they want to explore their relationship. Together, at last, can they make it work?A fix-it for Star Wars: TROS, so possible spoilers.I needed more than a damn kiss. This retelling is my version of how things would have gone right at the final fight scene. I'm not sure how deep it'll get, but my goal is to make it feel complete, sometimes I start writing and things just go crazy. I write with a combo of plot, fluff, & smut. A little bit for everyone basically, if you're needing the dirty with your lovey stuff, you are in the right place. Marked explicit as we do not know how dirty the naughty will get.
Relationships: Ben & Rey, Ben Solo & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo (Star Wars), Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Star wars Ben Solo & Rey
Comments: 69
Kudos: 364





	1. Be With Me

**Author's Note:**

> Like many I walked into the theater already prepared to be disappointed, but I had to see it on the big screen at least once. Damn my luck if it hasn't been nagging at the writer in me to fix it for weeks! I've never done a fic in this fandom, so hi, I'm new. I have a few books self-pubbed, so not new to writing.  
> I'm just trying to meet a niche for those who think like me. Hopefully, I accomplish that. I don't have any major warnings. It's pretty simple there will be romance and fluff, and also some smuttiness because what's romance without it and hello, Ben Solo you get to live like you were supposed to and you cannot die a without a hot scene or two with our lovely Rey. I like balance in all that stuff, so I guess not quite porn with plot, but dirty enough. Cool? I love comments and kudos, and if you have anything I need to follow or read let me know. I am still obsessing, so the manic in me says more, more, more! It'll be a moment before we get too smutty because it's only better when built on the right platform. It'll get there fast enough. Welcome to my imagination, thanks for stopping by.

It is so cold, icy, the blood in her veins struggling to pump. The light diminishes to nothing, while her lungs cease to move. Yet, deep in her conscience she knew she shouldn’t be dying. It was far too soon, but if she has to die to save the galaxy, she would do it all over again. Especially, knowing now who she really is, who she has always been, a Palpatine. She was the weak one all along. The broken one, the dark one. It was never him. She will gain redemption as she dies, because it will save him from the brainwashing he had been victim to. He would finally have the option to find his peace. Something is wrong, though, she knows she has passed, she has yet to leave. Somewhere buried inside she feels him and a warmth that does not warm her chilled self. Having a hard time differentiating between feelings and sensation, she realizes she is stuck in between, wherever in between is as a fragment of energy maintaining sparse memories of her recent life. Those memories are becoming fuzzier as the voices call to her with praise, and then nothing.

***

Her empty eyes stare up at him from within his arms. His hands trembling while his breath quakes from overexerting himself after his injuries. He would scale any obstacle for her, take any punishment, even death to bring her back. He has always cast himself as the black soul that could not be changed, could not be saved. It wrenches at his heart to see her dead in his arms tears spilling readily from his eyes. Eyes reflecting the fragments of his broken soul. He knew he loved her; he just didn’t know how badly he needed her. He could have made better use of all this time. He had always been told that he was to kill her before she grew stronger, but he accepted a long time ago she was already stronger than he could ever be. To resist her family bloodline the way she has, determined to save the Resistance. She didn’t have to know where she had come from, he had known all along, and he knew it wouldn’t have changed her one bit.

Her eyes glare eerily hollow into his own, before he chokes her name out through a sob, yanking her to his chest. “Rey,” he pleads uselessly. He has fucked up bad now. He should have worked with her more closely, trained her himself and left his allegiance to the First Order behind. It had always been his contingency plan, but the darkness always weighed heavier in his mind. They could have used the power of their Dyad to change the Force entirely and the politics of the galaxy right along with it. He was losing his other half. Half a of a Dyad he was blind to. He knew she was something different, special. He was so consumed with power his ego wouldn’t let him see clearly.

It had been years since he had felt so vulnerable, years since his mother’s voice crept inside his head. He felt the dip in the Force while she was dying, but a piece of her clung to one last fragment of hope, her energy almost fully waned. She speaks to him now through the Force. Reminding him, _I love you, Ben. SHE loves you, don’t let her go this easily. Don’t give up. You are my stubborn boy, just like your father. Use that to pull her back. I know you sense her lingering. It is time you remember where your roots are from, you ARE as strong as you grandfather. He found the light in the end, and so will you. I love you, my son._

Tears are matted to his cheeks as he cradles Rey back into his arm placing his hand upon her belly. Closing his eyes, he sends energy into her core giving her a portion of his life’s force, willing her back to him. _Be with me_ , he thinks knowing he can only give so much, or the attempt would be pointless. He won’t leave her behind. Not when he has finally, found a way to accept his love for her.

Even in death she is beautiful, he considers the smoothness of her skin, though pallid now, he only sees the sun-kissed marks she acquired living on Jakku. As he waits for the Force to work its way in, he is swaying her gently to assuage the panic coursing through his thoughts. He closes his eyes tight to pull back in the next round of tears with another choking sob, believing it is taking longer than it should. He can feel his nerves begin to fray, soon they will turn into that numb sensation he is so used to. The place he would go after his father, Han, had left him behind with his mother, Leia, so many times. That is when the dark began to claim him. It wasn’t Snoke, the Emperor or anyone else, but the despair of a traumatic childhood. It wasn’t validation for his acts, for the murderous snake he became. He could see now how his father had loved him, and the trauma was meant to be Han’s own pain, not his.

Rey had been the one to make him feel emotions again that didn’t align with anger and rage. When they first met in the forest of Takodana, the spark ignited when he took in her scared face through his mask. He could see the brave in her so desperate to be seen, but maybe he saw what the Force had wanted him to see instead. It was hard to tell. All he knew for sure is the Force had said not to kill her, but his memories are so fuzzy now holding his hand firmly to her. Knowing only a minute or so has passed, his mind racing to keep his rage at bay. If… no, when he brings her to, the first thing she sees will not be a fit of rage.

His eyes search her face, looking for a sign of life. She lay still in return, her eyes blankly looking back into his. He yanks her to him again, hugging her to his chest protectively. “I’m sorry, Rey.”

It is such a sparse movement he isn’t sure if he had truly felt it, or if his imagination was finally giving into losing her. Her chest stutters as her arms wrap around him in return.

***

Rey can feel herself enclosed in an embrace having no memory of the recent events. She instinctively hugs the figure back, unaware that it is her former enemy Kylo Ren. When she releases him to lean back, she is faced with someone she has not really known, Ben. She could immediately see the difference, between Kylo’s and Ben’s expressions, but it doesn’t stifle her gasp when she realizes who he is. Her mind being so muddled, she can’t grasp the situation very quickly. Resigning herself to gaze into his dark eyes as he plays back the last few moments of her life, before she had slipped into the darkness, through the Force.

He shows her how brave she was finding her way to Exegol. How stubborn it was for her to come alone. The panic that ensued as he realized what she had done, and him coming to her side to fight with her after she secretly handed him the saber. He shows her the flashes of how he came upon her body, and how he imagines he looks destroyed by all the returning emotions he hasn’t expressed in so long. How he cradled her to him waiting for what felt like a lifetime but was mere moments after his mother Leia had given him the encouragement to bring her back. He showed her how his heart had broken thinking she was not coming back.

Ben floods her with so much emotion she feels suddenly raw inside. Raw, angry, frustrated even. Most of all she feels love as she sees how he reads her mind with the Force waiting for her to process the entire event, concerned at her anger and frustration. Those fade into love looking into his face, eager for a response, but words are still difficult for her. Wanting him to feel all the wonderful things she was feeling no matter how painful, she grasps his face, abruptly smashing her lips against his. He yanks her flush to him returning the kiss.

***

Minutes pass as her lips press stiffly to his, unwilling to back away, the loss of contact neither of them want. Breathing shallowly through their noses, he pulls back slightly. Her hands still press to his cheeks, cradling his face as the first real smile she’s seen on him creeps across his mouth. He has been released from the binds. The mental binds that kept him so pissed all these years. Feeling what he does now, he can’t believe he was so foolish. Everything about this moment is perfect, her sitting here on his lap, holding his face, the salty sweetness he can still taste on his lips from the first kiss he has ever known. It is fulfilling, enough. He could die now, knowing he has no real reason to, but life would be complete having at least this one kiss, one long determined kiss almost painfully filled with a love he never expected from her. Not even after knowing she had feelings about him. _I should have paid closer attention_ , he thinks, wishing this moment was sooner. Before the battles and the scars, the extremes he recently drove the First Order to. Nothing was going to be easy from this point. Not when they are the only two who know what they’ve just been through… together, at last.

***

Her heart spins out of control first from this new experience, then to panic as she watches his smile fade and feels the weight of him drift from her arms. _No not now!_ Falling to his back unconscious, she holds his hand in hers begging him to wake up, attempting to pull him back to her.

“Ben!... Ben!... Come on Ben… Kylo?” her words fall short as she accepts there will be no response. Thankfully, after their last few moments, their bond has connected them so firmly she is still open to him, able to tell he is alive, but weak. “What have you done?”


	2. Help Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey owes Ben, fights for his right to live after he saves her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little more build in their relationship with more stage setting for the bigger picture.  
> Enjoy!

Rey’s tears flood the planes of her cheeks as she attempts to pull Ben towards her craft, but he’s too heavy. Clearly, as he is so much larger than herself. Towering over her when he’s standing, he has kept himself in a shape that would make his weight entirely too dense for her to manage. Afraid of using too much of the Force, she realizes she has no choice but to leave him. She can’t afford to give him any life essence after just being healed, someone has to stay conscious.

She can run however, she thinks. If she just puts her mind to it, she’ll be able to get to the craft to call someone down for help. As her feet pick up a steady pace, she begins to wonder who would dare help him, Ben Solo, deep down or not the Resistance knows him as the malicious, Kylo Ren. Leia is gone, and it’s Rey’s word on him having changed. _Screw them,_ she thinks. He will be useful when he’s healed. He can help them take down the First Order, and together they can help the galaxy become one again. Always the ray of light she is, she has no doubt this will work out. She will make it.

Her feet pound the metal of Luke’s X-wing when she hops up. She uses the commlink and begins paging for help. “This is Rey, can anyone hear me?” she questions, distress obvious in her tone. The words rush from her mouth so fast she doesn’t even understand them. “Hello? Please, is someone listening? This is Rey, I am in need of immediate assistance. I repeat this is Rey, in need of immediate assistance.”

The responding voice is choppy, “Rey?... you’re… safe… Rey? Where…”

“Yes, this is Rey. I am safe, can you send help? I need a med droid immediately. Can you track Luke’s X-wing? Anyone?”

“We… Rey… soon,” comes back through. She can only hope that’s a confirmation.

While she should wait where she is at, she won’t leave Ben inside alone. It isn’t a stable structure after that last blast of lightning, the one that ended her grandfather, and began to crumble the temple around them. With a swallow of air she runs back to him with a med bag in hand.

Ben has moved to his side in her absence, folding himself into the fetal position. It reminds her of the vision of him sleeping when Luke had decided he had already turned. She drops on her knees in front of him tearing the med bag open. The bag itself is old and faded, there isn’t much she can work with, but she does find a clean cloth to wipe the dirt and sweat away from his face. She feels for fever or chills, finding him hot and shivering. Definitely a fever, infection is present. She digs in the bag finding one cooling cloth and holds it to his forehead after activation. Her spare hand digs through the few vials inside looking for a label on any that she could read, most worn with faded lettering.

“Ben, please stay with me,” she says, only it comes out sounding like a prayer. Something not really used in their time as the concept was from before even the Jedi Texts, but it is appropriate to use now.

Her hand lands on one vial she can read to tell it is an antibiotic. Probably weak with age, but it’ll have to do. She grips the top of the glass in her teeth and snaps the top of it off before prying his mouth open to pour it in. She can hear him choke slightly, but eventually his breathing goes back to the same faint breaths he has been using.

She doesn’t know how long her wait for rescue will take and his shivering is getting worse. She lays down, curling up next to his chest, keeping her face even with his. Her fingers gently stroke the side of his face.

“Hold on, they are on the way. I am going to make this right.”

***

Ben stands in the empty temple as the walls continually trickle like a waterfall around him. The ground he stands upon doesn’t seem to change, and he senses he isn’t in any danger. He knows he’s not because he isn’t injured either. This is a vision or a dream. It isn’t real. Her sweet voice echoes in almost a hush across the temple bouncing from edge to edge, calling his name.

He can smell her as though she is standing there with him. That sweet desert flower perfume she used as a way to help with hygiene back on Jakku when showers weren’t available. He was afforded the privilege of never having to worry about such things. Another reminder of why she was destined to be stronger. She has had to survive, and it makes his strength pale in comparison. The spoiled prince, a title he often utilized, but hated being called by. Most of his family had all but renounced their titles, being useless in more recent wars. Taking on General and Master, even Supreme Leader, all titles for a war he wishes he was never a part of at all, let alone on either side.

If he had his way, he’d take Rey away from all of this, find a quiet planet beyond the outer rim. He really did want to let old things die. Those words have a different meaning now. Her voice continues to call to him, no, begs him to stay with her. _His_ Rey. It was something he never anticipated in this lifetime, a partner, lover, the other half of him. She came into his world shattering every illusion he had placed before him by Snoke.

He closes his eyes, listening to the pain in her voice. The determination in her words. The need for him. Her need for him to stay. Will she ever realize he isn’t any good for her, even if he is her other half? The dyad could simply be a representation of their opposing sides creating balance, maybe they weren’t meant to be with one another. His mind does this though, it unravels into a million thoughts of why he doesn’t deserve love, compassion, Rey. Programmed to only see and think what his former leader wanted of him, it’s hard to place himself where her words and her smell meant anything real, the taste of her lips lingering on his still. He never craved anything so much as just an opportunity to explore what her in his life could be. It is time to let old things die.

“Rey?” he shouts, curious if she could hear him.

He isn’t disappointed, “I’m here Ben, I’m here.”

Her voice isn’t the sweet calm that he was expecting. Sweet yes, but scared or maybe even a tad terrified.

He feels a feather like touch across the side of his face and down his cheek. Placing his hand where the sensation was, he’s curious if it’s her. Hoping he is right that this is only a dream, he imagines her hand beneath his, the look in her eyes as she gazes longingly into his own. The smell of her permeating his senses, though a tinge different. This fragrance was more than just her typical perfume, this was her fueled by desire.

He didn’t have many dreams like this. Only a few after Rey appeared before him in the forest. The beauty he saw before him, was intriguing. How could anything as petite and beautiful as she is be stronger than him? But she bested him, though he’d been weakened by injury. Intrigue carried him into these dreams the few times they presented themselves. Waking him with a need he was aware of, but unfamiliar with in personal experience. Exposure to anything real like her being rare in the First Order.

Her words have shifted again, were those sobs mincing her voice? His Rey doesn’t deserve to suffer, she has enough already. Turning in his place, he sees that there is no escape from this dream. This scenery has him trapped like a prisoner with the punishment of not being able to comfort his Rey, even if he doesn’t know how. He’d figure it out… for her, he would learn anything.

***

“You cannot be serious Rey, I’m not taking Kylo Ren back to the base for treatment, let him die like he deserves,” Finn argues with her. “Come on now. Poe, is waiting.”

“I have to bring him, it’s the right thing Finn. He is only here to save me. He can’t die…” Rey’s sobs cut through her words.

Finn disregards her grip on Ben, and attempts to pull her by her forearm up from the floor. “Rey, please.”

“Finn, I am only alive because of Ben. I owe him,” Rey demands, yanking her arm easily away. “If you don’t help me, then I will stay and die with him.”

_No Rey, you can’t do that for me. _Ben’s voice strokes the inside of her mind. The bond, he’s there.__

__  
__

Collapsing against his chest, she sobs into his soiled tunic. “Ben, they won’t help us,” she cries into the cloth.

Finn watches confused momentarily, until he realizes she heard him through the Force, which meant he isn’t as close to death as he wishes he would be. She has explained to him briefly, that she and Kylo were connected, but he sees it on her face now, she can hear him. It’s written in her pain. “Fine.”

Rey looks up into his face to determine how serious he is, Finn already yanking an arm up to throw around his neck. “Careful, his leg,” she points out.

Rolling his eyes, Finn huffs under the weight of Ben, as he helps Rey, drag him out of the temple to meet up with Poe. Whose eyes nearly explode from their sockets as he watches his two friends pull their enemy up the platform of their rescue ship.

Poe pushes away from the console and crosses towards the back of this ship. “What do you two think you’re doing?”

Finn exchanges a look with him that helps Poe determine any argument is futile.

Rey hasn’t let go of her grip on Ben since she ran back with that med bag. Knowing full well, she has to feel his essence to help cope with the wait for his treatment. Sensing him is the only comfort she has.

The med droids take over as he is placed on a stretcher. They begin scanning him immediately, with a cacophony of beeps, they regard his status. Rey watches, the dust dripping down her face from the tears and the sweat. She uses the back of one arm wrap to wipe away the grit, the other arm still connected to him by their hands. Her eyes remain on the diagnosis happening before her, afraid for his life. It is risky taking him back. There will be those who will not understand. Some that may even attempt to assassinate him. She won’t be able to leave his side once they arrive. She’s his only hope for safety.

Poe sets off to a base they discovered not terribly far away, while Finn hands Rey a wet cloth to wipe her face clean with. He stands next to her as she holds Ben’s hand, pulled close to her chest.

“Rey, you need to help me understand why we are doing this for him,” he questions softly, taking the wet cloth from the hand she held it in at her side, too busy paying attention to Ben to use.

She turns to him when she feels him swipe the cold cloth across her face, pulling her from whatever reverie she is in with him. “What?”

“Why?” he asks simply with a glance to Ben.

“He… he is different. You’re Force sensitive, can you not feel a change in him,” she asks dead pan to his face.

Stunned, he stutters back at her, “I… guess? I never told you I…”

She looks at him incredulously, responding with only his name, “Finn?”

He sighs and reaches out to see if he could feel anything, and there it is. A glimmer it is, but it is there, the light.

Rey can feel Finn begin to sense what she needs him to. “I don’t understand myself, so please don’t ask me to explain what this is. He saved me and I owe him, that is all I know.” Her tone almost dares him to question her further.

Left alone holding onto Ben she continues to comfort him, stroking his face and hugging his hand to her heart. “We are almost there, Ben.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes that's it for now. I know, believe me I know. I have had the worst luck getting stuff written today. Every time I had a good run, everyone in my household needed something. I promise more to come. I hope you enjoyed the second scene. Building things up is always the fun part for me. Kudos to you for sticking with me in this adventure! The nitty gritty will happen. I assure you.


	3. Awaken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neurotic Ben Solo contemplates the meaning of his situation with Rey.

Rey is overwhelmed by all the talk she can hear throughout the base. Sensing it through the Force when she can’t hear it. The energy around her a maelstrom of feelings. Most coming from a place of anger, some from confusion. There are only a few who hold any empathy whatsoever. They can’t understand her need for him to survive, she doesn’t have the energy to explain it, having barely left his side since he was brought in. Meaning she has barely slept in trying to protect him. It’s been two days, a treatment in the bacta tank for the first, well pissing off the higher officers for the waste. Bacta isn’t cheap, nor is there a large supply of it. For the second day injections and rest. He has yet to open his eyes during those two days.

Confining him to her room in a bunk not made fore two, she lies cradled against his side, his hand pulled to her heart as it has been since his rescue. Her head resting on his chest too short to reach his shoulder. It is a new desire for her, to be so physically close to anyone. The closer she is the closer she needs to be. She has a lot of time to think in her sleep deprived stupor over those two days. Fueled by the words she hears around her, the feelings she picks up on. She wonders if they aren’t right? She really doesn’t know if Ben, is now Ben, or if he was just having a moment because he didn’t want her to die. Without her, he would have nobody to combat with equal power.

They’ve had a few interesting moments already. At the time she wasn’t aware how much of that energy was pushed by her desire, but she feels it now. The _need_ to touch him and be in his presence. She loves the way he smells, even his sweat after a lengthy duel with him always stuck in her mind after. He smells like campfire, only a little sweeter and the more he sweats, the more he gets to her. It’s a sensation she can’t describe it is so new to her, but she had thought that it was the adrenaline from the fight that was getting to her, not that she was having hormone fluxes over him. Just the thought has her nuzzling her face closer to him. She misses him, but isn’t sure why. Most of their interactions haven’t been moments to remember fondly.

There were so many times she questioned if he was going to turn. She knew he should, she had seen it, a few times when their Force bond flew open. Neither prepared for those meetings, they couldn’t fake anything that was said or happened. They just were. Much like the fact he has chosen to let her live and she him. They could have killed each other a couple of times, but they never did. Each time it wasn’t the right time. The bond prevented it. Slammed it’s lock down on the ability each time they were close enough. It also solidifies their feelings are real, whatever they may be, there is something true between them. Something worth keeping him alive to discover.

She struggles to keep her mind churning, the need to stay awake imperative to his survival. She rests with him, if you can call it that, with a blaster in her available hand. The hand not clinging to his. Through those two days, when she can drag her mind away from the negative commentary, she relishes in feeling his strength improve. He will wake soon, she hopes. For her, the jitters have kicked in, and the lack of food or hydration. She’s beginning to nearly hallucinate, the room swirling around her. She can’t help it, she has to close her eyes honing in on his rhythmic breathing to keep her focus. Just for a moment, she considers, she’ll wake quickly. Her mind won’t let her sleep for long, knowing their circumstances.

***

Ben notices her scent first, how it is marred with dried sweat, dirt and blood. He next feels her weight leaning against him, and then the warmth of his hand in hers. He looks down at his sleeping Rey. Smiling with how he wakes, he groans internally, because he’s been asleep for over two days and nature calls. More disturbing than that, he has no idea where he is or what has happened since that kiss she gave him. Taking a moment to take in his surroundings, he then appreciates how light she is, because she is easy to move without disturbing. He senses not much would wake her at this point from the relaxed look on her face.

Her room is small, but functional. He quickly sees her private refresher on the opposite side of the room. Making note of the exiting door being locked, he proceeds to use the smaller room. His reflection catches his attention on his way out. Taking in how clean he is, except the few smudges on his lighter and looser tunic from Rey’s face, he doesn’t feel like himself. His hand too was a little smudgy, quickly remedied with a small wash.

 _This will take some getting used to,_ he thinks, still preferring black over this beige.

Upon his return to the main room, he finds her still asleep, a blaster in her grip. Chuckling, he pries it from her fingers, before laying it on the desk away from the bed. No use risking her being startled and shooting anyone, not at this point. He has no better understanding of his position here, than she does. He sits beside her, seeing how dark the circles are under her eyes, wondering if she’d slept at all until now. He closes his eyes and reaches into her mind, shaking his head again. It’s possibly the first time he feels a bit of guilt breaking into her mind this way, wanting to be better for her. But this is _his_ Rey, and she looks miserable.

When he sees that she has fought her sleep for the better of the last few days, he feels terrible. His life isn’t worth that much self torture. She was on the verge of death before he resurrected her, she should have been resting with him. He can also tell she has forgone any treatment that could have helped her. Seeing how her mind was constantly trained on the door for possible intruders, he wonders what would happen if he went to see the happenings beyond that door. Knowing it was a bad idea, until she could go with him. From now on any of their interactions will require strength in numbers, two exactly, their Dyad.

Watching Rey for the better of the day, stealing some bread from a tray on the desk, he soon notices she begins to shiver. Not wanting her to wake from being cold, he climbs back into the bed, wedging her against him where he originally found her. Only he wraps her in the hold of his arm instead, thinking it would be better for her. He can feel her warm breath as she exhales against his chest. The most intimate he’s ever been with anyone. He isn’t incapable of understanding lust, desire, or sex. These things were still of interest to him. There was just never anyone to experience it with. When he was training with Luke, it wasn’t something he was supposed to pursue, and when Snoke got his hands on him, he never had time to begin any kind of relationship, because his relationship was with the Dark Side.

There were ways to learn. Using datapads, he could look up almost anything if it hadn’t been filtered out. There were plenty of visual aids and information available. Still a man, he always hoped there would come a time when he would be able to enjoy such things. He never imagined Rey would likely be the one, his enemy, or so he had been told.

Rey’s face is so dirty, it begins driving him crazy. She looks like she’s been thrown into a sandstorm after being thrown in a tar pit, then had to walk home in the rain. He uses his fingertips to try to lightly brush the dirt away, only to find it is pretty well attached. Sighing, he resigns himself on the ability to caress her arm while she sleeps. Kylo Ren would never have done such a thing, no, he would have demanded to be _taken care of_ whenever he desired. Ben Solo however, no matter how alien of a name it felt, rather enjoyed the soft feel of her arm at his lightest touch. The reward comes from the sigh she lets out while tossing her thigh over his, adjusting herself even closer.

He squeezes his eyes tight, freezing in the moment. That’s all it takes from her for him to become aroused?

 _I’m so lame,_ he thinks, believing she is going to think he’s the biggest dope if her leaning against him like this turned him on that easily. _Look at strong-willed Kylo now._ He shakes off the thoughts pulling him down. Rey can’t possibly know much more about these things, she’s almost ten years younger. It wasn’t that long ago she was a child. _Does that make me a dirty old man?_

Shaking that thought away too, he is going to have to learn how to be less insecure. She couldn’t possibly be turned on by the big baby he feels like he is when it comes to these things. He tries to remind himself of how confident he was as Kylo at times, when he was able to hide behind a mask. Briefly wondering, would she allow him his mask now, if he felt he needed it? No, he knows better, this is Rey, she would tell him he didn’t need it. Not to mention, how much harder it would be for their fitting into the community on this base if he masqueraded as his former self. Kylo will always be in him no matter how much he might try to let him die, it’s a part of his journey and therefore a part of him, but he can't be him any longer.

What a transition this will be for the both of them. Accepting the past, letting it die, but remembering enough to not repeat it. It will be interesting to see if they are ever accepted at this base. He doesn’t care if they accept him or not, but he suspects Rey will want to stay with the first family she has ever known. Happy to start a new family with her, just them at first, he remembers what it was like being pulled into Snoke’s web, how easy it was to fall into because it was nice to be wanted. It wouldn’t be an easy task to convince her to leave.

The hours pass as he holds her to his side, out cold, even though his arm is asleep. He is afraid to wake her, not just because she needs the rest, but because then they would have to communicate. It’s making him more nervous as the seconds tick by. There’s so much they need to discuss about how this is going to work. Are they in a relationship now?

_Kylo Ren, boyfriend or Ben Solo, boyfriend?_

Boyfriend at all sounds so off. To him it reminds him of teenagers first learning about romantic relationships. Though, he supposes there is no age cap on that when you have no previous experience.

They are a lot like teenagers, if she does feel the way he thinks she feels. He knows how she feels actually, for the most part, but how she intends to respond to it when she is well-rested and thinking clearly, that is a whole other story. Sure she kissed him, but he had just brought her back to life after fighting by her side for the first time. It was so easy for her to trust him that quickly which to him speaks mounds about why she will always be the stronger one of the two.

He has to trust in her feelings for him, knowing the risk she put herself in bringing him back to get him treatment, he has to believe they are more than friends.

_Friends?_ _How odd._

He isn’t sure he’s had a real friend, not since he was a young child, before the Jedi lessons with his uncle. But is that what she is, just a friend? That doesn’t feel right to him. They are much more than that, but how much more is the part that keeps him running his fingers nervously through his hair with his free hand like it will wipe away his thoughts on the subject.

Not being great at using any spectrum of emotion, he is hesitant to call what they have love, but it does run that deep. As far as they know they are the only Dyad in existence, possibly ever.

 _That is something more than friends_ , he thinks sensing a change in the atmosphere of the room. He glances at Rey to find her watching him through sleepy confused eyes.

“Hi,” he says nervously.

“You need to stop being so neurotic, we’ll figure it out,” she responds, burying her face against him again.

_SHIT!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited: for minor tweaks and continuity.


	4. Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben have their first conversation after being saved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kind words and the kudos!

“We will have to work on some boundaries,” Ben says, regarding her reading his thoughts. Granted _he was_ being a little neurotic about the whole thing.

“I don’t have to read your thoughts, I can see it in your face,” she replies, rubbing her nose against his chest breathing him in.

“Hmm.” He forgets she’s always been able to read him, better than he could read her.

“I only caught the bit about whether this is love or friendship. It’s likely right now it isn’t either, but maybe it will be… in time. Why, was there more?”

He looks down to see she’s gazing at him again. Those hazel pools of kindness. It isn’t often he sees them without anger. Hoping she doesn’t sense his embarrassment, she is absorbing his image the way he is absorbing hers. Her and all the dirt on her face and clothes. At least she seems more rested, even if she doesn’t quite look it yet.

Without thinking he strokes his thumb over a patch of dirt on her cheek. She closes her eyes leaning into into his touch. “No, there wasn’t much more... You could have cleaned up,” he tells her softly, slipping away from her so she doesn’t feel the physical reaction he has to her from such a small gesture.

Adjusting his tunic as he stands up, he makes a break for the last bit of bread on the tray. He turns around to continue the conversation finding her face down on the pillow in the middle of the bed. He drops his crust of bread and walks back over to her, kneeling beside her as close to face level as he can possibly get being so tall.

“You are going to get dirt all over this bed, not that you haven’t done a good job of that so far.”

“Grew up in the desert, I’m used to it,” she tells him with a slight huff, clearly aware it would annoy him.

He rolls his eyes at her. “Still.”

“Ben...”

He doesn’t let her finish her sentence pulling her up and carrying her across the room to the refresher. Propping her on her feet in the shower, he quickly locates a bar of soap and a washing cloth. Resting his hand on the lever, he appreciates the play of emotion running across her face, cheeks as red as a bloom.

“Are you washing or am I?”

Choking on her words she answers him, “I will do it.”

“Good girl, it’ll help you rest tonight after we get some food in you.”

He leaves her in the shower, mouth gaping, and closes the door behind himself as he walks out.

_That’ll teach her._

Quickly, he reassesses his thought, _maybe that was too strong of an insistence._

Used to a sterile cleanliness, he’ll have to keep reminding himself that she was not fortunate for basics most of her life. Also, he loves the way she smells with her perfume, and if she hadn’t grown up where she did, going without the way she has, she wouldn’t have that desert flower smell. The one he longed for in her absence long before he knew why.

As the water runs in the other room he finishes the piece of bread he dropped moments before. He is going to have to get them some real food. Certain if she hadn’t showered, she likely hadn’t eaten much more than he has. Stale bread he knows has been there the better of the last few days. At least he had some medical care which would have put some nutrients back in his body. She has to be starving.

With the sparse look of the room he is sure there aren’t any supplies hidden anywhere. Someone must have brought her the tray of food, bread and maybe there was some fruit there at some point. Not much of it. He will miss the ability to page for food, to using servants or droids to bring him whatever he likes. It was part of the life he wanted to provide for her, but she wouldn’t take it. Perhaps, if she had experienced it some she would have thought differently, or maybe in time he could show her. She may be poor, but he is not, having hidden millions in credits in a few different places across the galaxy, safe from the First Order and the Resistance. Ironically, it won’t impress her, which he adores, but also has a hard time understanding. There is a lot to be said about the security in being able to afford even the basics.

The more he thinks about her on Jakku, how poor and hungry she must have been, he begins to feel angry. Taking a few deep breaths he tells himself, she loved it there, but she had always been waiting for her family. Family that abandoned her to protect her, but they still left her alone to fend for herself at such a young age.

_No wonder she is so strong._

Maybe she didn’t love it there after all, but it did feel like home to her. Caught up thinking how he is going to show her things can be different, how he’ll meet her in the middle and show her that it is okay to have the basics, he remembers the bed is dusty and could use a change.

_Certainly, they have a spare set of sheets around here._

Finding some sheets in a drawer nearby, he swaps the bad out for the good. 

_That’ll help her relax too,_ he thinks pulling a tight crease that will soon be undone.

In the small closet he finds a bag for the dirty ones. Unwilling to sit on a fresh bed, he pulls the chair out from the desk and waits for her to finish up.

_She has been in there an awfully long time._

Reaching out through their bond he checks to see if she was unconscious in the shower, glad to find she is just enjoying the hot water, _hot_ water. She likely hasn’t had a ton of that throughout her life. She never told him, but he knew from their bond, she barely had a place to live.

“Ben.”

He hears his name fall meekly from her lips. Realizing then, as he looks over to see her peeking her head through the crack of the door, he had been keeping his mind busy from imagining her naked. Something he isn’t doing very well at the moment. Knowing his cheeks are turning red, he turns his head quickly away, not about to let her see the effect she has on him, not yet.

“Yes, Rey?” _Why did I say that so formal?_

“Would it bother you much to get me some clean clothes?” she asks, pointing to the closet.

With a nod, she slips back into the bathroom and he looks into the closet. There aren’t many options. He pulls out a white billowy article that looks comfortable in his opinion, and a couple of garments that he hadn’t previously handled, but knew what they were. He passes them to her through the crack in the door aware they both could feel the ridiculous amount of embarrassment and awkwardness.

When she leaves the bathroom he almost gasps seeing her in the summery dress like ensemble. She looks as beautiful as she looks uncomfortable in it. “I’m sorry there wasn’t much else,” he admits. He likes the view, but it is a change for her. Her face says it all, scrunched up tightly in disapproval. “We’ll find you something else, but first, can we please get something to eat?”

She nods and crosses over to the communication system on the wall, proceeding to page Rose, asking her if she would bring food for them.

“Are we going to ever leave this room?” he questions, quickly noting the panic that spreads over her face. “It’s okay we can wait. Eventually, we will have to test the waters.”

“I know.”

Rey stands in her spot, uncertain of how to proceed. He has taken a seat in the chair from the desk again, his eyes trained on her and what she is thinking, only guessing though, trying to be respectful. It is beyond frustrating for him. Not understanding their bond entirely, how it keeps them connected the way it does, but also how they have some control over it. He figures over time they will either learn to shut the other out as needed or the walls will completely fade away. He isn’t sure which he would prefer, but the first thing he can offer her is not jumping in her head trying to figure her out all the time. The mystery is also a little enjoyable for him. Makes the build of whatever this is feel more exciting.

A few minutes into waiting for their food to be delivered she is still standing there with a lost look on her face looking at the bed. Certainly, she isn’t waiting for the food to arrive to get comfortable. Being with her like this isn’t going to be any fun if she stands around nervous all day.

“Rey, everything alright?”

“You made the bed.”

He glances past her to the bed and back. “Yes, I did. I thought it would be nice to have a clean bed to put your clean body in. You know, so you can get some real sleep. It’ll be more comfortable.”

“It looks perfect.”

He again glances at the bed as it dawns on him she likely never had a real bed until she joined the Resistance. “Rey, I won’t be mad if you sit on it. I can make it again. I’ll make the bed for you any time you need me to.”

She finally looks at him, still a bit lost looking. He can see the exhaustion written all over her. That’s the real problem he decides, she’s too tired to process change and his presence alone is a huge one. Still she doesn’t move, so he grabs her and sits her quickly on the bed sitting next to her.

“Better?”

“I’m sorry,” she says, leaning her face against his arm as though she could hide against him.

“What in the galaxy do you have to be sorry for?”

“Not knowing how to host a guest… or make a bed... or take a shower before getting into bed.”

_Oh, no..._

There are the tears, he can feel them soak into his sleeve. Assuming she is just overtired, he pulls her against him, wrapping her securely in his arms. This isn’t how he anticipated the rest of their day going after being so worried about their future conversations.

“Rey,” he starts softly, “I don’t expect you to be a great host, we’re in this together. We have many polar opposites between us, but you’ll see it will be fine. That is what is going to make us, us.”

As his words begin to comfort her, her arms creep around him in return. It is a start. Even without having a relationship before, he has watched enough on his datapad to understand how she might be feeling. He is not unfamiliar to change and it’s struggles, himself. He hasn’t even had a moment to process what has happened being wrapped up in the reality that he is with Rey in this moment to comfort her.

Happy to have her in his arms he almost misses the feel of her breathing relaxing. “Rey, not yet sweetheart, you still need to eat something. Then we’ll go to bed, alright?”

Sitting up with a yawn. “Okay…. Sweetheart.”

Her mockery doesn’t escape him, but he figures she has a right to be a bit ornery after all she has put herself through for him. The almost imperceptible giggle she lets out as she says it doesn’t escape him either.

_She likes it._

A buzz at the door has Rey up and moving quickly. She smacks the button on the side and it flies open. For just a brief moment he makes direct eye contact with Rose, her expression nearly unreadable. She then blows past Rey and himself and sets the tray on the desk.

“You look better,” she tells Rey, ignoring his presence altogether.

She smiles at her, “I feel a bit better. Ben has been taking care of me.”

Rose’s eyes find his again, this time in an attempt to assess him. He holds her gaze steadily, remaining neutral.

“Oh,” she finally sputters out. “Do you need me to bring breakfast too? There are still a ton of mixed emotions out there, and I can’t convince anyone to just give it time. ‘Our Rey? How could she endanger us?’” Rose explains with no lack of sarcasm.

He tries to give Rey time to answer, but he can tell she isn’t thinking straight after hearing Rose’s report. Looking a little sick about the news she sits back on the bed in silence. “That would be nice Rose, thank you for thinking of that. If it isn’t too much to ask, what are you thoughts if we were to venture out of this room?”

Rose gapes at him momentarily, shaking her head, “It’s not such a good idea, to be honest.”

“Would Rey be in any danger?”

Rey looks up at him. “What about you?”

He ignores her and focuses on Rose who glances at her briefly.

“No, not from what I can tell. They’re afraid… of you,” she says cautiously, fear sneaking quickly through her face.

He let’s out a sigh, “I know. If I could be honest, I’d ask you to try to defend Rey’s decision and my presence, but I understand that is too much to ask. I would appreciate though, if you could do your best to understand, for Rey’s sake. She needs all the support she can get with this. I don’t want her to lose her family over me.”

Rose chokes out an, “okay,” before looking over to Rey for confirmation, but Rey has laid down in their brief discussion and closed her eyes. “She needs a lot of rest, just keep her comfortable. I’ll bring the food.” She shakes her head in disbelief of herself and begins to work her way back to the door.

“Rose, wait.” He leaves her momentarily to get Rey’s dirty clothes from the bathroom. Then grabs the bag from the closet dropping them in with the sheets. “Rey hates that dress, could you try to get her clothes clean or maybe something more like them?”

Blinking rapidly, looking up at him as he places the bag in her hand, she nods. “I’ll try.” She looks back over her shoulder at him one last time after she hit the button for the door, sizing him up again.

The door swooshes closed behind her, and he Force-locks it before grabbing the tray. Kneeling beside the bed he sets the tray next to Rey and leans in closer to her face. “Faker,” he says, blowing lightly on her forehead.

“It worked. She carried on a conversation with you. Now she knows you aren’t the terrible Kylo anymore.” She grins at him as she sits up and pulls her legs into a crossed position, sliding the tray to her lap. “And I don’t hate the dress, it feels weird not wearing pants. Makes me feel naked.”

He chuckles at her as he helps her pick over the food. “Trust me, you don’t look naked.”

“Then why couldn’t you stop staring at me?”

“No shock and awe, that I asked you to trust me?”

She shakes her head. “Not at the moment. Why were you staring?”

Hesitating, he gives her a look that indicates she should know why he was staring. “Are you really going to make me say it?”

“Uh,hmm,” she lets a giggle slip out.

Sighing, he admits, “because I’ve never seen you in a dress and you are beautiful in it.”

The lovely shade of red her cheeks wore earlier returns and her eyes turn away from him. “I thought maybe it turned you on.”

For a moment all he can do is look at her, her words dancing in his head. She keeps her face turned from him, though he can still see the red deepen across her cheek. _His_ Rey is an ornery Rey. He suddenly feels the need to clear his throat before admitting, “I...” He pauses searching for the right words. He might be easily turned on, but he is not uncouth. “I assure you, you do not lack the skills to accomplish such a task, especially while wearing a dress… or your desert perfume… or when wielding a saber at me in a forest covered in snow just before helping to destroy an entire base.”

“You thought about me that way even then?” she looks at him incredulously. “I wanted to kill you.”

“You resisted me, the only one that has been able to. That made you a bit irresistible. Pissed me off because now I have the scars you left, but I wouldn’t change it now. No, I would rather like to remember you so spirited. It’s one of your best traits.” He smiles at her watching her expression soften.

“That is weird, but very sweet. No one has ever thought of me that way before. I don’t know, I guess I’m not sure how we got to this point, but I’m glad we’re here.”

“Me too, sweetheart, me too.”

  
  



	5. Into the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey pushes Ben into a direction he isn't prepared for, but willing to explore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone who has been enjoying this. Also, this chapter is all Ben POV. I keep trying to get back to Rey, but the Ben I had formerly imagined before this work began has sort of morphed into the guy you are about to read about and it's is too fun to switch over yet. I keep asking myself, how his two personalities would fit together and this is a small taste of that outcome. Also, Rey gets a nice little treat, and we get more insight of what her core personality is actually like when not fighting to save the galaxy or for survival all alone.

Ben can’t believe he is here with his forehead pressed against Rey’s, confessing his gratefulness for her in his life. The smell of her fruit-laced breath urging him to press his lips against hers. Even though she smells so sweet and clean and everything in his veins is pressing him to make an advance on her, he pulls away, leaving a kiss on her forehead instead.

“Did you get enough to eat?” He questions, watching the look of disappointment flit across her face as she nods, yes.

Guilt floods into him, because part of him wants to pursue her like she has a target between her legs, and her face tells him, she would let him do so. He knows he can’t be that man. Not for his own sentiments, but for hers. She deserves to have the best experience possible. He has waited too long to be here in this place and time with anyone he could care about the way he does Rey to waste it on an erotic whim anyway. He removes the tray from her lap and leaves it on the desk.

When he turns around he sees her yanking the dress over her head leaving her in just her underwear, her breasts bound in almost translucent fabric. He averts his eyes, reminding himself, he isn’t going to jump into _this_. They still haven’t spoken about what this all is, and where they were planning to end up in the future. He has never even thought about his future with anyone before, and now he can’t stop picturing her in his. He’s not going to risk ruining that. Not to mention it was only a few days ago he stopped being Kylo Ren. He has no idea how he’ll be received over time. The longevity of their relationship may be determined by who he once was.

“What are you doing?” His voice constricts around the words.

Her soft gaze meets his, and she responds with something about getting ready for bed. His man brain hears _for sex_ somewhere in there, but maybe she just means to sleep, the rational side insists. Shaking off his train-wrecked thinking, he does a quick inventory in his head of what was in the closet he can throw over her, not that he won’t imagine her naked now that he’s seen what he’s seen. There wasn’t much, he’ll have to remember to ask Rose for some more clothing to be brought in. He’ll need something himself before long.

“Ben?” _His_ Rey’s voice catches him in thought again.

“Yes, Rey?” he responds not turning back to her in an attempt to mask his unclean thoughts.

“Are you being neurotic again? I’m not trying to embarrass you, but I don’t have anything comfortable to sleep in.”

He notes the mild trembling in her voice. _Is she nervous because she is trying to comfort him while seducing him, or because she’s not trying to seduce him and is now half naked by the bed?_ _Their_ _bed._

“I know this is all new and awkward. I’m just as scared. You’ve been all over the inside of my mind, I figure one day you will be in other places of me… there’s no real reason to hide. I couldn’t if I wanted to. For one we’re trapped in here for a little while, hopefully, just a little while. For another, if I don’t give you the answers you want to hear, you will climb into my brain anyway. It’s not… there are… I just don’t want you to be shocked. I am sure you are used to these kinds of things. I...”

“Stop rambling Rey, I’m not scared. I want things to happen in due course, when it’s not as awkward or new. I don’t have any experience in this either, but I do have a lot of research under belt. It’s better when it’s organic. It is shocking though, when you say things the way you do. That crude talk just awakens the bad side of my brain. All that talk has to be from living on Jakku, and I don’t want to hear it.”

_Stop lying to her, she’ll find out._

“Not right yet.”

The hurt on her face stings when he turns to look at her, standing there about as vulnerable as he has ever seen her. Approaching her, her eyes turn downward making her look ashamed. He pulls her to him, hoping he doesn’t make her cry again.

_Stupid move idiot._

He chides himself for being so bad at this. He can feel her take a deep breath her face buried against his chest. He wonders if she is turned on by his scent in the same way he is by hers.

“What do you mean by not having any experience?”

_Is she really asking him to explain this?_

He bites the inside of his cheek wishing she’d just link up to his memories herself and take a peek, but then he suspects she is too afraid to dig that deep into his past. “There hasn’t ever been anyone in my life.”

She looks up at him, searching his face to determine his honesty. “I’ve heard stories of the First Order and...”

“Don’t think about those things. I never participated in any of that.” He steps away from her again averting his eyes from her current state of undress, his arms crossing over his chest. He doesn’t want to reflect on the First Order, not right now. She can ask questions another time.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” she sighs. He can see by her expression she knew she said the wrong thing. “Can I unmake the bed?”

He can’t help but to chuckle and drops his arms back to his sides. Who would ever imagine Rey asking for his permission for anything especially, to get into bed? “Of course. You need your rest tonight.”

Taking a moment to decide the best way to proceed he catches her watching him intently. He grabs the hem of his tunic and yanks it off before dropping his pants, leaving him in just his underwear. It doesn’t take long for him to understand the vulnerability she felt. To be fair she has seen him without a top on before, but even then not in person. He folds his clothes loosely and drops them over the back of the chair, doing the same with her dress drawing out a little extra time. Then somehow he manages to slide into the bed without looking at her.

Rey wastes no time curling up against his side when he places his arm around her. He can’t help but to think how tiny she is compared to him, her head resting against his chest. She relaxes against him and he has to focus on his breathing remaining normal.

“Tell me how I turn you on,” she says.

“Rey,” _So much for breathing normal._

“Please?” Her voice has always played with him, and hearing her beg for such interesting things is hard to ignore.

_Why must she push this, this way?_

He can’t help but to wonder why she feels so compelled to keep bringing it up. “Are you asking what attracts me to you, or what _attracts_ me to you?”

“Yes and yes.”

“You are quite difficult, do you realize this? I’m trying not to go too fast, but you keep speeding along.”

“I’m not asking for you to show me, just explain it to me, I want to better understand your thinking.”

“You could always use our Force bond.”

“You’ll only hide the details you find too embarrassing.”

“Is it that or that it leaves you open for me to dig into how you are attracted to me?”

She shrugs. “Maybe,” she admits, a small giggle slipping out again.

“If you must know, my Rey, is highly calculating and a real problem solver. She has wonderful fighting skills. She’s stubborn enough to fight for an idiot like me, smart enough to fight against me when I’m stubborn in return. But she is also beautiful, with sun-kissed skin that shimmers in the sunlight. She has kind hazel eyes when she isn’t trying to burn me from the inside out with her anger. Her delicate frame makes my breath halt when I see her... every time I see her. The very thought of her makes my body and mind go crazy,” he explains while running his fingers tips along the length of her arm. “Anything else?”

“Do you ever wondering what I feel or taste like?”

After forcing himself not to choke in response, he can sense from how fast she said it, it took her a lot to muster up that question. Not answering might embarrass her more than a real answer.

“All the time.” He pulls her face up to look at him. “Where do you keep getting these bold statements from?”

“Things I’ve overheard from other scavengers in town. Why? Am I saying things wrong? I think I know what they mean, but I guess I thought that was what men wanted to hear.”

_How is she so brave talking to him so openly about things she doesn’t quite understand?_

He can’t stop thinking about her sweet self dropping these short crude bombs of sexiness that don’t fit what he knows about her. Then he thinks about the people on Jakku, the kinds of people and how she would have had a lot of the wrong kind of exposure. No wonder she had heard stories. She must understand the basics of the physical act, and also the basics of how one lures in a client, probably from the First Order.

“Ben? I lost you again,” she says softly.

“No you didn’t. I am just thinking back over what you have said.” He swallows hard before continuing, now having a better indication of her earlier question. “On Jakku, a lot of women speak that way, because, yes, men do like hearing it, but they aren’t after anyone’s heart in those situations. They just want to give up sex for credits. It’s for survival, not for love. And I’m sorry how I reacted earlier, but no, that isn’t something I have done. It’s disgusting to use people that way.”

She stares at him full of confusion. “So, men don’t like hearing those things if they aren’t trying to buy sex? Is that what you’re saying?”

“I can’t explain the way all men think. Most men are shallow asses greedy for a place to bury their dicks. It’s a turn on yes, but it comes across cheap to me… not the way you say it, but the way those kinds of women would say it. You’re the only one who has said those things in a way that makes me have a different reaction... How did we get to talking about this?”

After his rant is over, she is quiet taking in his words and he thinks he may have just insinuated she was a space slut, or that she was one to him or his actual space slut. They haven’t even slept together yet. Now his brain is twisting all his words and her words into a huge mess. Forgetting, he wasn’t going to use their bond, he dives into her mind, looking for his greatest fear.

“Ben, stop, it’s okay, I’ve never done that. I just heard a lot, that’s all,” she tries to comfort the panic she feels in her head as he searches, before pushing him back out. “Ben!”

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I just did that,” he gives her a pleading apologetic look.

“Yes, you do, but I’m not mad. I’ll stop talking that way. I didn’t realize that wasn’t universal in all men. I don’t have anything else to compare it to,” she buries her face against his chest where he can feel the tears in her eyes seep to his skin.

He pulls her further up his side so he can see her face a little clearer and wipes the tears away from her cheek. “Listen, please don’t shut down and cry if I get frustrated, it’s not at you, it’s just the way I am. For a moment I just thought someone had… you know… and if I’m going to keep myself from killing people.”

She nods. “I just want to please you.”

“You do that naturally, by being alive and by being you. I would never ask you for anything more than you being yourself, even if that meant hating me the way you used to.”

“I know. I’ve just got this knot in my stomach I think and it churns whenever I’m near you. I thought maybe it would go away if we...”

“I’m not having sex with you, not right now. Not because I don’t want to, but because I don’t think we’re to that place yet. I want to know what this all means before we get that kind of intimate.”

“Where does all this sensitivity come from Ben?”

“By being as stubborn as you are about my better interests. I am that stubborn Rey. I have held out this long already, whats a while longer?”

“A lifetime,” she jokes, and it does draw a small laugh from him, but also more insecurity.

He holds her tighter now, so she doesn’t think he doesn’t want to be close to her. He’d love nothing more than to partake in romp with her. Especially, knowing she is just as turned on as he is. He is just better at hiding it. The more he thinks about it, the more he remembers some of those articles he watched from the datapad.

He swallows hard before rolling sideways to be face to face with her. “Rey, would you like me to help you feel better?”

“About what?” she asks, confused.

“About that knot you mentioned.”

She doesn’t answer, unsure of exactly what he was suggesting.

“I’ll show you if you are okay with me touching you. Stop me if it gets weird?” He leans his head towards hers starting with a soft kiss on the lips. “Is that okay?”

He enjoys that she can’t answer and has to nod.

_Scared now, isn’t she? Good, she should be nervous, these things are intimidating at first and she needs to remember that._

Now to make sure he isn’t so nervous she can tell. He cradles her in his arms as he sweeps his lips across her skin, feather-light. From her mouth down her neck to her collarbone. Leaving a small nip on her skin, he decides that’s the lowest he’ll go with that tonight and begins tracing his lips back up her neck, finishing in a firm kiss upon her mouth. He sucks her bottom lip in with another light nip before leaning back to see his handiwork.

Rey’s eyes have a slight glaze, her cheeks are flush, and her bottom lip is puffy and red. “Why did you stop?” she huffs through her sheer breath.

“I’m not,” he begins kissing her again, focusing on the sensation of her lips against his, the way they taste, and the fact that he is as hard as he has ever been just from a kiss. This is just for her, he’ll get her squared away, and he’ll finish himself if he needs it after she falls asleep.

He snakes his hand down her belly, absorbing a groan from her. His fingers love the way her skin feels so soft, how smooth it is so they can glide easily down to the material he finds blocking her most private self from him. Her pelvis is tilting towards him instinctively, he smiles into their next kiss.

“Ben.”

He freezes before moving his hand to the one place he so desperately wants to touch. “Do you want me to stop?”

“Gods, no, please don’t,” she moans.

He catches her eyes with his, seeing the ecstasy seeping through her.

_This is just the beginning._

He continues to watch her face as his hand dips down under the offensive material. The moment he slips his finger down to the tiny nub he knew to look for her eyes roll into her head as her head falls back. Exposing her neck for him to suck on, nipping a bit as he travels the length of her neck with his mouth.

“This feels… intimate… to … me,”she says, her hips swaying lightly to him as he swirls his finger around the place he knows should drive her mad.

She lifts her head and finds him staring at her intently, mesmerized by the fact her body is grinding against his hand. The more she moves, the more he feels that little nub swell. Her breathing becomes choppy and sweat beginning to shine across her forehead. “My mistake.”

He works his finger against her faster and she reaches for him pulling him as close as she can manage, her nails bury themselves into his skin. Her hips move against him faster, her legs wrapping around him pulling him closer for more friction. He can feel she is so close by the way her body tenses and the pulse against his finger of her actually throbbing.

“Rey have you ever touched yourself this way?” he asks, watching her shake her head, too focused on completion to use words. “I want to feel you cum against me, I want to be your first. You’ll do that for me won’t you sweetheart?”

She didn’t need to answer, he could tell by the way she squints her eyes closed and bites her lip before collapsing against him a few moments later. He brushes her hair away from her sweaty face and kisses her forehead. “You are such a good girl Rey."


	6. Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ridiculous little lovebirds!

Rey wakes with a start, as if her body realizes it is no longer cradled against Ben’s and needed to warn her. Looking around she calls his name, before she hears the water running in the shower.

_Why is he showering in the middle of the night?_

A quick stretch rolling over into his spot where his scent is still strong, gives her an ache through her body. A quick reminder of why she had been sleeping so well. Then she feels the remnant of a throb where he had touched her. _Oh!_ That was not how she expected any of that to feel.

It didn’t occur to her that such an action would cause a throb after the fact, not that she minds. It’s a lovely reminder of how he had touched her, of his ability to make her feel something amazing. Now she questions why she hadn’t tried that on herself. She knew it was done, but she never put that much thought into why it might be worth trying, not until she met Kylo Ren. As much as she would never admit it to her friends, and likely never to him, there is something to say about the attraction to his darker alter ego. She had seen a small glimpse of it just before they had gotten in bed, and she was happy he appeared to have himself in check. Since their first fateful meeting there had never been any time to explore these new feelings that have since come rushing to the surface. It was easier to rage against him, but this opens up an entirely different way to cope with all that energy.

Feeling naive about how she wants these things that he is so adamant on waiting for, she should have been the one to construct that wall first. But he’s so damn beautiful to her, her hormones beats the chastity she should be presenting him with. They haven’t even met an agreement on what they are, and here she is throwing herself at him, knowing it was lust not love. But rationalizing if she didn’t love him somehow, she wouldn’t lust for him at all.

 _Why can’t he see it that way?_ _It is a kind of love, maybe he’s waiting for it to feel different?_

Burying her face in his spot inhaling deeply, she wishes he was there with her instead of in the shower.

_Why is he showering in the middle of the night?_

Slowly, it clicks what he might be doing in the shower. She fell asleep before they could do anything else and maybe he wanted his turn too. Feeling a little guilty she begins to wonder if she shouldn’t join him, but no, he would be upset with her. She would see the bad side of him then and not the _good_ bad side. But maybe she could Force bond with him, him being distracted he might not notice her there, getting an idea of what he likes. Eventually, she’ll have to return the favor.

_God, Rey, when did you sink to this level?_

Sad to leave his scent behind, she crosses the room to the refresher door. She leans against the wall just to the side of it, and tries to imagine him and how he would do what she thinks he is doing. Plenty of perverts flashed her themselves on Jakku. She even stumbled upon a few in the midst of doing _their thing, thinking they were out of sight._ Or it’s possible they didn’t care if they were seen. Seeing it happen isn’t new, but seeing him would be.

She has thought about him naked since that moment they linked up with him not wearing a shirt of any kind. It embarrassed her to see him that way in the moment, but after he went away, she couldn’t stop picturing him. None of it making any sense to her. Why she wants him the way she does. Especially, if one thing she always wondered about him was true. Being such a large man, does that apply to all of him? That might present a challenge.

None of it would matter about his size if they never did anything about it. That was always a possibility. When she said he would turn, she really did see it, knowing she would play a role, but yet, he never sensed it that way. He just wanted her as a prize without having to pick a side at all, which means he was steadfast where he was already at. It was also believable the way he spoke of creating something new. It drew her in even closer to her need for him, but she couldn’t agree until he saw that the way he wanted these things were wrong.

Holding out hope was the best thing she could have done, seeing as he is now fulfilling all the other holes in her life. No longer lonely or lost. It is too tempting when she thinks of him and what he means to her to not want him, her eyes close and she tries to peek into his mind. It’s his breathing she notices, the ragged breathing, it makes sense to her how he looked at her in awe earlier. It’s entrancing, and he’s thinking about her. She can’t tell what he is doing to himself, but she doesn’t want to dig too deep giving away her indiscretion. Hesitating to even imagine if he were to see back into her thoughts. So for now, she focuses on his face and his breathing. His angelic face, she thinks back to the first time he removed his mask and she saw the beautifully torn soul in his eyes, immediately recognizing the loneliness in him. He was so much younger than she expected.

Her hand, having a mind of it’s own, has found it’s way to that throb he left her with, pressing against it with her palm as she slides down to the floor, her back still against the wall. The pressure is nice, but she can’t stop herself from drawing her hand in small circles. Picturing his face, she thinks about the way he looked at her again, urging herself on. In a way she can’t believe she is doing this to herself, not while imaging him the way she is. On the other hand she should have started doing this a long time ago.

_What kind of monster has he awakened in me?_

Rubbing harder and faster she crushes her eyes closed recognizing that pit of the stomach feeling she had just before she went over the edge with him. With a gasp her muscles slacken again, as her mind clears.

_Oh God._

She didn’t close her mind off during any of that. The water in the shower has stopped and she can feel the humid steam slip out the door. She bites her lip as she glances slowly over to where she senses him, refusing to look anywhere but the floor where she can see his feet. “Ben?”

“Rey?”

His voice sounds different to her, stunned maybe. She punishes herself for getting caught by bouncing the back of her head to the wall.

_What is wrong with me?_

“As far as I can see, nothing,” he answers her thought, confirming their bond is open. “That was intense, you go over the edge so fast.”

_Please stop talking._

_You jumped in my mind first, did you at least like what you saw?_

_I didn’t see anything._

_Doesn’t appear that way at the moment._

_This is still talking._

_Yet, you did see something to be caught in this position._

_Did you not see it?_

_No, I was a little more distracted by what you were doing. You have no idea how amazing you are Rey._

_It was a memory of you, when we first met, the look on your face, and the way you were breathing._

_So I’m not the only one that recognized_ _that part of_ _our connection early on?_

_Guess not._

So focused on trying to not see the look on his face, or for him to read just how embarrassed she actually is, even though he already saw it in her mind, she didn’t see that he dressed back in his underwear and has gotten back into bed. He watches her sitting against the wall, his face full of wonder. It embarrasses her more when she looks up at him to find him waiting patiently for her. _Patiently._

_Please don’t look at me like that._

_Are we going to keep avoiding actual conversation? Come back to bed sweetheart, it’ll be alright. We can figure this all out in the morning._

_I don’t know._

_Rey, get your butt in this bed right now, or I will make you._

Her eyes widen at his threat, something he has always done well. So much for patience, she obeys him and climbs back into the bed by crawling over him to her tiny nook of the small mattress, nestling into his arm. He kisses the top of her head and pulls her in tight.

“You are so beautiful when you get off,” he says, his tone reverent. “I could watch you do that all day.”

Feeling her cheeks warm she presses her face against him. “Please, don’t.”

_Why is he suddenly such a man?_

“Oh, my Rey, with the things we will eventually do, this will seem like child’s play. Besides you should feel good that it comes so naturally to you. From my understanding some women can’t do what you’ve done twice now as easily as you just did.”

“Sleep please?”

_Shut up Ben! Holy fathier, this is not happening._

“Why are you so upset? I get that was supposed to be personal, but you were the one spying on me, shouldn’t I be upset and embarrassed?”

_Damn him for being right._

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I can’t help myself. I’ve never felt anything like this and every time I think about you it just overtakes my senses, because...” She lets her thought drift off, catching herself about to say something she has never said to anyone. He keeps thinking things are too soon and too fast, but she feels like she’s been there all this time, and is just now able to release it after keeping it pent up so he wouldn’t keep pursuing her until he turned. She needed him to choose her for the right reasons, and now that he has, she has lost herself to him.

“Because why, Rey? Say it.”

She’s heard this tone before, in their Force bond he kept demanding she say the things she struggled with.

_Is this really happening?_

Remembering he had just been inside her mind, she makes sure he is out and her mind is as secure as it can be, she begins to think whether admitting it to him is the right step. It’s true she does. She feels like it’s always been a part of her nature. She just isn’t sure if this is the right kind of love you say to someone. She didn’t even have a family to love, siblings, parents, not even friends.

Amusing herself, she begins to wonder, _when did Kylo Ren become my best friend?_

“Rey, say it.”

Sitting up so she can watch his face as she finishes her sentence, she struggles to look at him after thinking of him as a best friend humored her so deeply. “I was just saying that I get that way because I love you. I think it’s always been there, because our bond insists on it, but because it’s also the way I feel and have felt for awhile.” She manages to look up at him to find a smile on his face.

“I love you too, Rey” He pulls her to him again. “I always have.”

_I’m in love with Ben and he is in love with me._

“We wasted a lot of time on fighting with one another.”

“Even the best of couples fight?” he says simply.

“With laser swords?” She laughs. “So are we… a couple?”

“Always have been... a couple of idiots... a couple in love… bound by the Force, bonded forever. I don’t really care which it is as long as I have you. Everything is okay if you are here with me. I’d keep you even if you still wanted to kill me”

“I can’t promise there won’t be those days too.”

  
  


  
  


  
  



	7. Captive

When Rey opens her eyes the following morning, she sees a familiar face looking back into hers. Rose is sitting in the desk chair. A new tray of food in place of the old and a bag of clothes at her feet. Slipping away from Ben’s side, she gestures for her to hold on while she uses the refresher. Rose meets her at the door when she is finished with an outfit much more like her old one. No arm wraps or bands, just top and bottom, and a little less fabric, but she isn’t hiding from the sun as she used to.

“Thank you,” she whispers, sliding the pants on and then the top.

Following Rose to the desk, she is shown that she has also brought an extra chair in. “There are two of you in here after all.”

Rose and Rey aren’t entirely too close. They are Resistance sisters, but Rose was a little jealous of Rey’s relationship with Finn when they had first met. Finn was never an interest of Rey’s, the way he is to Rose. Over time she became comfortable with Rey and things have been okay since, but Rey can feel the difference in her with Ben here, as if his presence is the proof she needs that Rey didn’t want Finn. She was sure Rose didn’t want her to want Ben either, but as long as her interest isn’t Finn, Rose seems to be okay… for now.

Rose pushes the tray of food across the desk after she sits down with her. Rey slides it back towards the middle looking past her to see if Ben has moved yet.

“I’ll wait,” she says in another whisper.

“Why?” Rose questions whispering as well, also glancing at Ben. Not to check on him, but to see if she could see what Rey sees in him.

Rey gives her a slight smile. “He would want me to.”

Rose looks at her like she has lost her mind. “Up to you, but I wouldn’t.”

“It’s the kind thing to do and he would appreciate it. He likes thoughtful things.”

Rose points over her shoulder towards Ben, stunned by how calm Rey is speaking about him, “You are aware that is Kylo kriffin Ren?”

Rey can’t help but to grin. “Yeah, he’s different now, you’ll see.”

“Kylo Ren,” Rose repeats.

“My boyfriend,” Rey admits, softly.

Rose’s face scrunches up, “Oh, Rey. There are so many other options.”

“I don’t need options. No one else would understand me the way he does. He really has changed Rose, I promise you, you will see that. I’m not going to try to explain it to you now, but he has changed.”

“Kylo Ren?”

“Yes, Rose, Kylo kriffin Ren.” She laughs softly at her, having to admit, if the tables were turned she’d be saying all the same things. Let’s be honest she hated the man in so many ways once, all she could do was think of him as a monster. “How does it look out there?”

“It’s not as grim without, _him,_ helping the First Order, but what is left of them are still after us. They have no leader and no idea where we are. So, we are safe for now. It is only a matter of time, if we can’t collapse them before a new leader rises…” She freezes the moment she sees Ben walk around her, snatching Rey out of her chair to take her place before setting her on his lap, his arm slung around Rey’s waist holding her in place. She tries to shake the image from her head. “We’ll be screwed.”

“Tell me Rose, are there any plans to defeat them?” Ben questions as if her had always been on their side.

“Like I’d tell you.” She scowls at him.

“Well, if you mustn’t,” he responds, grabbing the canister of water off the tray and pouring him and Rey both a glass before taking a sip of his. “Thank you for the food and the clothes.”

Rose watches him as though she were trying to figure out if he were some kind of illusion. “I mustn’t,” she says with conviction.

He shrugs, “Just so you are aware they will rush a new leader into place. That organization is nothing but systematic brainwashing. I can’t say how different it will be without the Emperor or Hux pulling the strings, or without me, but the egos onboard those ships don’t need the prodding to want to kill all of you, or any opposition. It’s in their conditioning, just like it was in mine.”

“Are you saying it’s a hopeless fight?” Rose asks.

“Nothing is ever hopeless Rose, you are in a better position than you were a few days ago. No more Emperor or Snoke, and you also have two Force users on your side. We can always palpitate for their energy, see what we can find.”

“We can?” Rey questions him.

“Yes,” he responds curiously. “Leia... my mom, didn’t teach you how to read other’s energies?”

“Just those Force users and those with a stronger output.”

He strokes her hair flat across the top of her head soothingly, placing a kiss there. “I’ll show you.”

When they look at Rose again she is practically turning green. “Gross.”

“Then why are you helping us?” Ben asks in his typical direct tone.

“Because it’s the right thing to do?” she replies, watching Rey nod at her. “It’s the nice thing to do, and Finn asked me to.”

“That traitor?” Ben says with a chuckle.

“And yourself?” Rose spits at him defensively.

“The difference is I know I am a traitor,” he responds, challenging her to argue.

_Stop it Ben._

Ben turns to Rey apologizing, making Rose aware she has missed a beat in there somewhere. Rose groans at the sight of them interacting so effortlessly.

“You two are just gross,” she states, her arms across her chest.

“You’ll get used to it,” Rey assures her. “Second chances are what hope is built on.”

Rose looks at her pretending to gag herself.

Rey kisses Ben hard and fast unexpectedly on the lips just to eek out Rose, “Is that better?”

“And that’s my cue to leave,” she says, heading towards the door shaking her head.

“Rose, just knock next time. No need to break in,” Ben tells her. “You never know what you will walk in on.”

She give him a crude gesture. “I’ll be back with lunch in a few hours.”

“You should ask Finn about his training with the First Order. Might prove to be a useful tool.”

Rose sticks her tongue out at Ben before shutting the door behind her.

“I like her, she’s fun,” Ben grins at Rey, giving her back her chair and taking Rose’s. “A real meal together. This is another first.”

Rey twists her hands in her lap, watching Ben fill each plate with food, placing one in front of her beside her silverware. He then puts a napkin in his lap, before looking at her to see why she isn’t moving. “You shouldn’t be so hard on her, she is the only one helping us at the moment.”

“I know. Are you feeling alright? You’re sitting there like a statue.”

She nods, grabbing the other napkin, mimicking what he did with his. He eyes her cautiously, knowing she is trying to understand his table manners. He begins to eat while she watches for a moment.

“Fork,” he says to her holding his up.

“I know what a fork is,” she spits at him. “I don’t use them much, but I know what the heck they are.”

“Sweetheart, you are now in civilization. Time to learn.”

Rolling her eyes at him, she picks up the fork and tries to stab her meat. It’s not too difficult, but having it get into her mouth is. “This is stupid,” she drops the fork and just picks at her food with her fingers. “I don’t care what you think.”

“I’ll get you used to it. It isn’t really a big deal, but...” he stops himself. She probably isn’t ready for that part of his background yet.

“What?” She eyes him momentarily before picking the fork up again. “Fine.”

He smiles at her, appreciating how quickly she begins to pick up the habit.

***

The room feels like it is shrinking the longer they are in it, and with breakfast over there isn’t much they can do, but talk. Ben is pacing the room while Rey watches him, sitting on the bed with her back propped against the wall, picking at her uneven nails.

“Ridiculous!” he states while she listens. Frustration easily evident from his tone.

“I know.”

“It would be nice to just force them to forget who I was.”

“I know.”

“Really, the longer it takes them the more time it gives what’s left of the First Order time to rebuild, you know they’ll target me, and as soon as they find out I’m here, they’ll target you.” He kicks a chair and it slides across the floor a short distance before the wall stops it.

“I know.”

Ben stops and looks at her, expecting a different reaction to his sudden burst of annoyance. “Do you say anything other than, I know?”

She looks up at him, the tip of a finger nail between her teeth to yank a loose edge off. “I do.”

“Too early for that, but one day maybe,” he pauses, “no, not what you meant I know, but someone has to lighten the mood in here. Do you not have clippers?” He stops in front of her and splays her fingers across his palm and sighs. “This isn’t any good, don’t some of these hurt?”

“I’m used to it, it isn’t like I had a shop that carried essentials on Jakku. Honestly, Ben, you’d think you would understand what a desert planet populated by scavengers is like by now.”

He laughs at her. “I forget how different our lives were.”

“Still are.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m an orphan with a dead wicked grandfather. You, well you are like royalty.”

Sighing again, “It doesn’t mean much.”

She laughs at him. “You only think it doesn’t. It shows in almost everything you do, even as Kylo, it was there.”

Grabbing the chair and pulling it back around he sits in it facing her. “I’m sorry, does it bother you?”

Rey slides off the bed and crosses over to him, climbing onto his lap. She shrugs. “Not usually, but there are times that it makes me feel I’m insufficient.”

“Yes, that is you my Rey, the only one to ever actually defeat Palpatine. Completely insufficient,” he says.

“So, I still have never made a bed or mastered a fork.”

Ben busts out laughing. “Hell Rey, those things can be learned easily.”

Surprised by his laughter, she stands up and crosses her arms. “I don’t think it’s all that funny, and it’s more than that with you. You have this thing about you, it just shows you were at least raised to know the basics of life. I never realized I was missing any of that until you point them out. Most of them anyway.”

He pulls her to him unfolding her arms and pulling them loosely down to her sides. “I have an air about me, is what I think you mean. Yes, that’s part of the Kylo in me, I’m used to being in control and intimidating. Also, you were raised on a desert plane while I was raised by droids, and regardless of the outcome of that, we were both kind of abandoned when we needed family the most. Pointing things out, I guess I thought I was helping. I’m sorry.”

Rey straddles his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I need the help, I do, I just don’t want to feel bad about it... Your family still loved you, they weren’t trying to abandon you...”

“I know.” He gestures for her to stop unprepared for a journey into that conversation.

“Ben,” she tries to reason with him, “you know one day you’ll have to learn to forgive them, so you can forgive yourself. It’s the only way you’ll be able to find balance in any of this.”

“I was clearly meant to meet you a lot sooner than I did.” He smiles at her, his arms wrapping around her waist. “I meant it, the love thing. Too soon or not.”

“I know,” she says with a smile. Then she leans in and kisses him softly. Pulling away momentarily to see his reaction, then leans back in wrapping herself tighter against him.

His arms, in return, snake in tighter around her as he changes things up by slipping his tongue into her mouth causing a slight groan to slip out of her. The sensation sends a shiver through her spine he can feel beneath his touch, grunting at her in need. She can feel him grow beneath her, responding by grinding herself against him, hoping he doesn’t shy away. Wanting to please him, she is glad his hands grip her hips to guide her. While he kisses down her neck to her collarbone, nibbling her sensitive skin along the way, she revels in his touch grinding harder against him. Her movements allow her to feel him getting harder with every noise she makes, her arms squeezing him against her as tightly as she can. Moving as quickly against him as her body will allow, he struggles to keep up with her movement, but does nothing to stop it entranced by his need for release by her.

“Ben...” She gasps at him, “I’m...”

She’s incapable of speaking solid phrases that he doesn’t need to know where she’s at, feeling her body tense beneath his fingers as he works her harder against him, desperately wanting to be right there with her. Sinking into him she holds him tightly and lets him push her over the edge into a haze, continuing with her hips as he holds on to them. She knows he’s there when his arms wrap back around her waist tightly yanking her down on him as hard as he can in. She loves how her name slips out of his mouth in a strained groan.

Listening to him pant alongside her has her ready to go again, but he won’t and she knows this, surprised she got this much out of him. But if she had her way, he’d bury himself inside her, fucking her until she couldn’t stop seeing spots. She wonders if she said that to him what kind of reaction she would get. Meanwhile this is the closest she was getting to that and it was certainly nearly close enough.

“That happened, you did too?” she asks him, breathing heavy against his neck in between her kissing on him.

He grabs her cheeks between his palms and pulls her from his neck to look her in the eyes and nods. She quickly notes that his face is red as if he were embarrassed by it, but he also had a look of exhilaration in his eyes.

“Are you upset?”

He shakes his head. “No, just messy. I’m going to take a shower.” Slipping her off his lap carefully, she can tell what he means.

“Sorry.” She bites her lip.

His face softens. “Don’t be, but I think I need new clothes. I doubt Rose brought anything that isn’t for you.”

“I will look and get something if there isn’t anything,” she tells him, watching him doing his best to not make eye contact with her. She thinks its adorable he’s embarrassed, even if it’s minimally, because at least she knows he had a good time.


	8. Resistence Sisters

Shower water running with the refresher door closed, Rey is standing in front of the room door attempting to pass through it. On one hand she’ll get a better idea of how the base is responding, and a view of what it even looks like outside her room and the medical bay. On the other hand, Ben will not be happy with her leaving the room. She doesn’t have to ask to know that he will be concerned about her well-being over his appearance in her life. Over concerned, irrational even. She knows where that rage comes from, and that he’ll keep it harnessed for her sake, but she is better avoiding it.

Trying to muster up her courage she reminds herself of who she is, but it’s of no consolation. Great, she can use the Force and ended the emperor, but Ben has made it evident she lacks a certain level of social skills that allow her to blend in normally. She is bold and uncouth, having no problem calling it as it is. She’s spent the better part of getting to know these people trying to fight the rebellion and only understanding she has a large kind heart and a lot of it was on her own. Interacting outside of that hasn’t been a skill she’s had time to hone and while simple interactions come easily, the politics of her circumstances will be hard for her to defend.

_You love him? Yeah, and, what’s it matter to you?_

She isn’t foolish enough to have believed that if it were told to her, forget explaining he’s changed. You can’t convince people to suddenly trust a known enemy after the things that Ben did as Kylo. He was an actual monster, and even explaining to them that he wasn’t his true self during most of it, they wouldn’t understand. Him being raised by droids, and his sense of abandonment, while his parents forged on to protect him by leaving him behind trying to save the galaxy. They had no idea it would make him susceptible to the dark side in the manner that it did, let alone that he would become who he became.

Leia did tell her once she had a foreboding about Ben before he was born. Something dark, but she knew he would pass through that dark into the light and the two would combine to become the balance within him. Like Rey told Luke, Ben was their last hope. So what if she had killed the Emperor, her grandfather… _no family of mine,_ she thinks… the First Order is still out there, much more limited, but bigger than the remaining Resistance. But the combining of the two? The dark with the light… _Oh._ Leia had been so wise, knowing the truth before anyone else, understanding it, while Rey still doesn’t.

It makes her a little sad for Ben, because he never really had to opportunity to see his mom in that amazing light, all this time waiting for him to come home, to miss him just barely. He had given up on her loving him, when all the things he was hurt by, were her ways of trying to protect him. No wonder Rey loves him so instinctively, at the core they are both very much the same. Only she chose patience and kindness and he chose to react and rage. At least he had the opportunity to have known his family, to have the choice to feel betrayed for real reasons. She will always be left with never knowing anything real about her family, just her former grandfather she will never claim as her own and the knowledge she was abandoned for her own safety.

The sound of the water still running filters in through her thoughts. It’s now or never. Her hand presses against the button, the air of the door opening brushing past her. A deep breath and a little more gumption and she is out the door with it closing behind her. A moment of doubt passes through, not for his response, but would he be safe in there if the base knows she isn’t there with him? It is the primary reason she didn’t leave his side those first two days.

 _He’s conscious now_ , she reasons with herself and he is who he is. He can manage on his own for a few.

As she makes her way out of the corridor her room is in, she finds herself in the common area. The part that everyone congregates in when they are not working or resting. It’s the room all down time is spent in when not in private quarters filled with lounge furniture, tables, chairs, and a place to get food and drinks. It takes a moment, but eventually the murmurs begin. She barely knows most of these people. She stands in the mouth of the doorway watching as the attention of the room is drawn to her, a couple people speaking into their communicators.

Another deep breath and she is passing through looking for a more familiar face and also for where she can grab some clothes for Ben. Just the thought of why brings a smile to her face unknowingly.

“Rey?” Rose calls to her from behind, jogging over to her. She stops short taking in her expression. “What’s with the grin?”

Rey bites her lip with a giggle and shakes her head. “Nothing, just the reactions.” She gestures to the room. “I killed the Emperor, you all should remember that,” she says with a raised voice.

Rose grabs her and pulls her off to the side. “They know, but Kylo is your house guest, it doesn’t account for much at the moment. Not until, or if, you can prove he’s better.”

“He saved my life,” Rey tells her defensively.

Rose looks at her. “You trust him. I am okay with that, but until you tell me what happened out there, I’m going to have a hard time getting past who he is. We all are.”

Rey nods. “So let me explain it, but first I need some clothes for Ben. He needs something clean to wear too.”

Rose links arms with her to walk her down to the launderer. “Okay, we can do that.” She tells her looking over her shoulder at the onlookers before pulling her along to keep her from the crowd. “So tell me.”

“I burned through all of my life energy reflecting Palpatine’s Force back against him. It killed him, but I died too, Rose. I felt myself fading away as though I were in a dream and then suddenly I was awake again. He was holding me protectively in his arms and then used our bond to show me what had happened. To show me he cared about me, and he was willing to die for me… Rose, he loves me. I never asked him to, he just does,” Rey explains.

Rose listening with interest is having a hard time pulling her attention away. “No one knew that happened, not like that.”

“How could they? What did they know?”

“He didn’t tell you?” Rose looks at her disbelievingly. “Maybe he didn’t see either?”

“What?” Rey presses.

“The First Order fleet, the one that was surrounding us, it all just fell from space. The only update we were given from what happened down there was from Poe and Finn when you brought Kylo back with you. We thought he was a prisoner of war, but then you wouldn’t leave him, and we just assumed he had found a great way to infiltrate the base.”

“Rose, he was half dead upon arrival. How could he have orchestrated that?”

“It’s Kylo Ren, Rey, what were we supposed to think?”

Rey sighs, “Exactly what you thought. So, most of their fleet was destroyed when Palpatine died. Leaving what, any reinforcements not there at the time?”

Rose nods. “That’s what we think. We have intercepted a few messages, but nothing concrete.”

They stop in front of the launderer counter, Rose asking for large and tall garments for Ben. Rey too busy thinking about Ben.

_He didn’t do all that to infiltrate the base did he? He wouldn’t, he was tired of being torn apart._

His pain was excruciating the first time she connected with him. It has waned since, but at first she didn’t know what she was feeling from him, it reminded her a bit of torment. Emotionally so painful it physically hurt.

“Rey, here you go.” Rose interrupts her thinking by placing clothes in her hands. “A few changes worth. Should be okay for now. Should we grab some lunch on our way back?” she asks, trying to urge Rey back to the room before the base could get too worked up. As long as Rey is with him, Rose at least believes he is relatively harmless.

“Sure,” Rey answers still distracted by her imagination.

Back in front of her room with clothes in hand, Rose carrying their lunch, the door is wide open and Ben is wearing a towel holding his hand out. Across from him are two men with blasters Force-pinned to the wall and at their feet beneath them Force resistant cuffs. A blink in time and the clothes have been discarded to the side and Rey is flinging herself into Ben’s chest forcing him to catch her. Rose has stepped inside the doorway, while Rey uses the Force to throw the men out sliding them across the floor and slamming the door closed behind them.

Her arms are wrapped tightly around him, sticking to him from the moisture of his shower. Her face presses against his chest, repeatedly saying, “I love you,” like a mantra so quietly she isn’t sure if he could even hear her. She knows he’s angry, his arms have yet to wrap around her in return, as waves of rage ripple through him, she tries to siphon it away projecting her love to him. A few minutes pass and she continues as Rose watches on, holding the tray frozen in time, unnerved by what she has just seen.

Eventually, he begins to relax and then he manages to wrap his arms around her. “I tried to warn you, we have to stick together now,” he says gruffly eyeing Rose across the room, who can see the way Rey pulled him from a fit of rage.

They stand eyes connected Rey still clinging to him as if she could actually handle the kind of rage he is controlling on his own part from the inside. Rose cracks first setting the tray on the bed and gathering the clothes that she puts next to the food.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that was what they had planned.”

“What?” Rey pulls her face away long enough to question what she heard. “What did you think they had planned?

“They just wanted to see if it were true. I didn’t know they would come after him like that. I’m sorry,” she tells her, scrambling to leave the room, the door opening and closing again before Rey could ask any follow up questions.

Ben’s hands wrap around the side’s of Rey’s face. “I _told_ you, this was bad.”

His hands are pressed sternly to her face holding her eye contact with his, as if scolding her like a child. If he were actually hurting her physically, she would draw the line, but in this moment he is just trying to convey how angry he is without the rage. This is what his passion for her looks like when he is scared. It’s why she knew she should have never left the room, but she was so used to making her own judgment calls, she never needed his guidance or opinions. Now she understands more why playing by his rules would make a difference in their outcome.

“I’m sorry,” she chokes out through a sudden onset of tears, that quickly turn into sobs. Her arms are still wrapped around him, growing tighter the harder the tears fall.

He lets her face go, thinking he was hurting her, apologizing to her.

“No, you’re not hurting me.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“Because I let you down,” she cries into his chest. Rey can feel all his pent up anger simply dissipate from him after saying that.

He pulls her to the bed, grabbing the tray of food in one hand, using the other to sit her down where she falls over crying still. Putting the tray on the desk, he grabs the clothes sorting something out to wear before hanging his towel back in the refresher and getting dressed.

“Rey, you did disappoint me there for a moment, but only because I didn’t know where you were. Are we safe here? With all of this happening?” he asks, sitting down beside her his hand tracing her back in circles.

Rey sits up looking at him, seeing one of his amazingly distraught, but beautiful expressions. “I don’t know. Maybe we need to leave?”

“Only if you are comfortable doing so. I’m not going to take you away from here if you think that you can make this work,” he tells her his hand cupping her cheek, his thumb stroking away her tears. “I’ll go anywhere, but only with you.”

“I want to start over. If this is what my past looks like in the now, maybe it is time for me to kill it.”

“Rey, that wasn’t what I...”

“Ben get me out of this place.”

“Okay.”


	9. On the Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was a slower burn than I planned, but what's the fun without a little warmup? Gets a littler dirtier from here on out, now that Ben isn't so worried about the Resistance hearing him break Rey in...

In space there is no way to tell time with a glance out the window. Ben doesn’t care what time it is now, they left in the Falcon just after midnight. They were going to have to disarm any tracking abilities and mask it’s signal if they want to stay hidden, but he figures they have a few hours before that will be a problem. Maybe longer if no one checks the hangar for the Falcon. Rey had pretty well inherited it from his father, even though Chewie still kept tabs on it for her, so he doubts it’ll be checked on first thing since they believe her to be held up in her room with him, prisoners to the rebels who don’t understand what they are together is better than what they are apart.

He looks over at Rey sitting in the copilot chair chewing another fragmented nail, making a mental note he will have to purchase her some items from an outpost. It actually warms his heart a little getting a chance to take care of her, and while he will take her flaws in all, he is happy to give her anything that might make her more comfortable, even if she doesn’t know it at first. Like a hairbrush so she didn’t have to knot her hair back all the time, and clippers so her nails could be cut and hopefully stop chipping on her. Maybe even some nail enamel to make them stronger. Just being well nourished will help. Gladly, he will provide that for her as well. Though secretly, he hoped he would be given the opportunity to buy her everything a girl deserves. He can afford it. He also knows she will have to be okay with it first. She is so used to not having things, having them almost seems taboo. Him buying them for her, even more so.

The look on her face tells him she is in her weird place between tired and overtired again. The place that makes her emotional in that awkward way that if it weren’t her would make him beyond uncomfortable. Annoyed actually, for a long time he viewed that as weakness, but in her it’s just a part of her, a vulnerable part, but one he enjoys catering too. He almost forgets that she’s changed him to be this person he is, to care at all about anything other than himself and his needs. She turns to him then, a nail still trapped between her teeth.

“Where are we going?”

“You should be going to bed, you are exhausted and I can handle the logistics from here.”

Giving him a glaring look, she gets up to go find herself a bunk to crash in. “I hate you when you’re right. You’ll wake me if we stop?”

He shrugs. “Only if it’s necessary.”

Glaring at him she doesn’t bother to argue and simply leaves him to his flying. He loves when she does what he asks her, it allows him to feel like he still has some power over her knowing she chooses to let him feel that way. Once he gives her enough time to get comfortable, he throws the ship into autopilot with a specified set of coordinates. First things first, he is going to have to ensure his credits were still secure and available. They are going to need to purchase supplies, housing, and maybe even passage as they look for a safe place to settle. He is going to have to fuel up the Falcon, and that could get costly too. She didn’t need to be a part of the scene he was about to enter, hoping to be in and out quickly, she will never see Canto Bight.

Verifying she is asleep first, he throws on a cape with a hood to help disguise him. These people would be too drunk to pay much attention to him, but he prefers the idea of safety. He then manages to land the Falcon in the VIP hangar. No one would question him there. Walking quickly down the ramp, he waves his hand across the face of the attendant. “No one will board my ship, you will not report our landing.”

The attendant happily repeats what he said as Ben walks briskly past him and into the casino where he has amassed a few million in credits that he put away for later. He half wondered if he knew subconsciously he would be in this position one day. It wouldn’t take him long to make the withdraw from the teller, but he moves quickly anyway.

As he returns to the ship, he already knows the wrath that awaits him. He knew it was a risk, but he wasn’t exposing her to this menacing city, not without her being awake enough to keep her wits about her. The moment he ascends the ramp he looks up to see her sitting there, her back against the side of the ship with a scowl on her face. He throws his hood off and grabs her by the hand pulling her up with him so he can close the ramp.

“What’s going on?”

“Credits sweetheart, need to pay for things somehow. Thank you for not leaving the ship.”

“Yeah, well, don’t let that make you think you’re off the hook for leaving me this time.”

“You were safe here, I used the Force to keep the attendant from checking in the ship, and I wasn’t gone more than fifteen minutes.”

She follows him back to the pit and sits in her assumed position in the copilot chair. “Do we have somewhere to go now?”

“No, not really.”

“What about Takodana? Maz could keep us safe.”

“Hiding among the riff-raff? Would she even tolerate me?” He eyes her curiously.

“Yes, I believe she would. She is good at reading people. It’s where we first met, back when you scared me, before any of this.”

He appreciates her ruminating on the past, but it was different for him. “It was happening then, just because you weren’t aware of it doesn’t change that. You fell into all of this for a good purpose now, but at the time you scared me too.”

She laughs quietly. “I’m sure I was very intimidating.”

“Look in my mind Rey, seriously, look for that memory some time. You were so damn infuriating because I wanted you as badly as I wanted to harm you. Odd how that is a fond memory,” he states to himself more than anything.

“And when you interrogated me, was I still as intimidating?” She smiles at him.

He tries to not let her push his buttons, but he rather enjoys pushing hers, so he gives this one to her. “That is the first time I knew I had to actually be afraid of you. You read my mind without knowing how. That was difficult for me.”

“Being strapped down was awesome as you raped my mind.”

It’s clear they need to stop talking about this, important moments, but they are memories far from healed. “I would tell you that I am sorry, but since I know it doesn’t equate to anything. I’ll just promise to do my best to not hurt you that way again.”

Feeling like crap, he lets the conversation end when she stops responding. After a glance in her direction, he can tell he has a lot to make up for by the sour look on her face. He likely owes countless people for his mistakes in the past. A past he can never make up for, for most of them, but he can make it up to her. She’s all that matters now. The look on her face also helps him to see he has actually hurt her deeper than she lets on. She can tell him, he’d swallow his pride to hear it, if it meant he could mend it, unsure if she would ever confide that in him or even allow him to see it for himself.

“Rey, sweetheart, you can go back to sleep. I’ll wake you when we get there.”

“You’re not going to jump into light-speed?”

“We don’t have enough fuel for it, we’ll get there fine otherwise. Takodana will have fuel.”

“You won’t leave me here alone?”

“No baby, I won’t do that to you again.”

The smile that crosses her face at his use of the word baby makes him feel better about their previous conversation. Takodana will take a few hours at this speed to reach, giving him plenty of time to figure out how he can make things right with her.

***

They reach Takodana safely, his nerves hitting him hard. He is taking her word that they would be safe here. He trusts that she believes that herself, but seeing it play out is always a different story with him. He’s killed people here. It’s a possibility that a warm reception is unlikely. He wakes Rey anyway, and they get their few items of clothes together in a small satchel he tosses over his shoulder before throwing his hood up.

“Ready?”

She nods in return and they leave, the Falcon hidden as far back and beneath tree line as possible. Taking her hand he leads her into Maz’s castle. Being such an odd part of the morning there aren’t many patrons there drinking, but Maz is there sitting at a table, her work spread before her. They approach her in order to ask for room and board. She glances up at Rey and gives her a warm smile.

“My favorite young Jedi, you have returned. It is good to see you, and you have brought the handsome young Solo with you. It is good to meet you Ben. Safe quarters are in order are they not?”

Maz is kind and genuine, and it throws him off. Rey flashes him that knowing look he rolls his eyes at. “Please,” he replies already following her towing Rey in hand.

“I have quarters above, two connecting rooms. Casual quarters as well as sleeping. It will provide you with plenty of safety and space for as long as you need,” Maz explains as her tiny body leads them slowly up a flight of curving stairs. “Here, she gives Ben an electronic key. Code it as you need.” She tells him pushing the button for the door to open. “Yours as long as you two need. We will speak later about events unfolding.”

“Thank you, Maz,” Rey tells her before she can walk away.

“You are welcome, young Jedi.”

Ben pulls Rey into the room with him securing the door and key with his own code. He tosses their bag of clothes on a chair and looks at her. “You were right.”

“Lets just get some more sleep. We can work out the rest tomorrow.”

He shakes his head, “What I really need is a drink.”

“You drink?”

“You don’t? No, you don’t, but only because you haven’t had the opportunity. Maybe some other time I’ll get us some drinks for you to sample. For now, I’m just having a shot of the strong stuff. Maybe I will be able to sleep then.”

Grabbing a decanter off the small bar he pours a shot of the liqueur into a glass. Then a smaller amount into another glass that he hands to Rey. “Just a taste for you until you know what you like.”

He shoots his down leaving the glass by the decanter. Curious, he waits to see her reaction to hers. Sniffing it first, she then sips the smallest amount possible, he chuckles at her. Shooting him an annoyed look, she then downs the rest with a sour response.

“And?”

“Ugh, I don’t know about that. It’s so strong, but oddly it still taste good. Is it suppose to burn that much?”

“Yes, I like it, but then again I’m used to it. Shall we?” He gestures to the bedroom.

He follows her, as she wipes her mouth off with the collar on her top, shaking his head. Ben pulls the sheets back before stripping almost all the way down and climbing in. He then watches as Rey slowly removes every article of clothing with the exception of her undergarments, the lower ones anyway, her eyes trained on him for his reaction. Though it is hard for her to not feel compelled to cross her arms over her chest anxiously.

“What are you doing?” he asks her suspiciously.

Crawling up from the foot of the bed, she climbs in next to him, pulling the sheet over herself before answering. “It’s hot here and it’s more comfortable.”

“If you say so.”

Not stupid enough to believe her, he does his best to keep from reaching over and simply groping her. Again, knowing she would completely allow it, almost surprised she doesn’t just throw herself at him. This is the first bed they’ve shared where there is any space in between them, even as she lies closer to the middle so she isn’t too far away.

 _It is warmer here,_ he thinks watching her skin glisten on her bare shoulders like glitter.

Interestingly, even then he can see the tiny hardened bumps beneath the sheet in the center of each of her breasts.

Rolling over to his side to get closer he pulls her flush against him on her back. Immediately turned on from only grabbing her waist to pull her close, quickly wondering if she can feel his response to her on her thigh. He kisses her shoulder while pulling a loose strand of hair back from her face. He loves how she simply looks at him intent on watching his expressions pass over him.

“It is warmer here,” he admits his lips progressing along her collar bone and back to her shoulder, feeling the bumps it brings with his fingertips that trace behind. Her sigh in return pushes his button in deeper. “Do you want me to keep touching you, or do you want to go to sleep.”

“I don’t know, both.” She laughs lightly. “Keep touching,” she then says feeling his fingers slide down her arm, then down her side.

Watching her face soften with pleasure he lets his hand slide down her stomach until he makes it all the way to where she loves his touch most, letting one finger trace the inside of her labia finding the collection the moisture he isn’t expecting to be there already. Appreciating the feel of her slickness he runs his finger up and down her entrance teasing her. “Rey, are you always this ready?”

“For you.” Her body squirms beneath his touch, eyes closed, rolling herself slightly towards him so he can better reach her. Biting her lip, she looks at him when he doesn’t do much more. “What’s the hold up?”

He laughs at her. “I’m not going to ruin you. Not yet, and not just with my fingers. For now I want to watch you squirm until you cum all over my hand, and I don’t have to insert anything for that.” Taking his hand from her, his finger damp he cups his palm around a breast. Giving it a squeeze before tracing a circle around her nipple. He then gives it a small flick. Replacing his fingers with his mouth he pulls her nipple in between his teeth with a gentle nip, his hand returning to it’s original position beginning a circular motion on her slick hardened nub.

Rey groans beside him, body writhing against him, his erection enjoying the sensation of her upper thigh pushing against him in her excited state. The nipple in his mouth becoming red and swollen from his suckling her, he lets it go to trace his tongue around it. “Push harder.”

Applying more pressure his circles become quicker as well, he can already feel her about to burst. “Hold on,” he tells her, grabbing her hand and wrapping it around himself. He then returns his hand back to her. “Kriff, even the warmth of your hand is perfect.”

Ben’s eyes focus their dark lust on her as she explores pulling and twisting him in her hand softly. She is watching his reaction, giving him a squeeze now and again at the tip, he gladly moves his hips to help her find the right pace. He loves the look on her face as she is feeling him like this for the first time. Helping her pick up the pace, he races circles around her clit with his fingers, dipping further down just enough for more lubrication. Her hips begin moving on their own accord, her attention focused on his cock and her orgasm. Pulling on him as though she could feel him ready to go and throwing him over the edge just as she plummets off of it herself. Her hand squeezing him in time with the ripples of her own pleasure.

Watching her face as she calms, he can’t help but to appreciate how beautiful she is when she glistens like this. He wants to keep her in erotic bliss all the time, but he also knows he is coming down from his own high and that is not actually realistic. For now though, he can’t help but to watch the rise and fall of her bare chest, or how her face looks at him as though he possesses some magical power he only uses on her.

“I hope you are getting ready to _ruin_ me sooner than later, because no matter how perfect that feels, I can tell what I am missing. Start getting over your nerves Ben Solo, or I might just ruin myself before you can,” she tells him, his cock still in her hand, she gives him a soft squeeze before letting him fall away.

“Awfully brave young Jedi, threatening me that way. Did you ever think that maybe I was waiting until we were out on our own?”

“As in married?” she questions disbelievingly.

“As in where no one wants to investigate why I’m making you scream the way I will,” he explains confidently, sweeping her loose strands of hair from the side of her face, watching her turn pale.

“Ben...”

“I’ll give you what you want, but I’m going to take what I want too,” he answers the thought she can’t spit out of if he’ll be gentle enough with her at first. “Remember, I have had years to figure these things out, and I’m a quick learn with application,” he adds pulling her in against him too spent to care about the mess they just made of each other.


	10. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to have this up sooner, but I was sick the other day and couldn't focus on the idea of a scrumpdiddlyumptious Ben Solo. Thank you for all the kudos and comments. As always it is much appreciated and such a great way to propel me to write more! Enjoy.

Ben sweeps his arm out across the bed where he expects Rey to be to find the spot not only empty, but cool indicating she hasn’t been there in awhile. He was more tired than he thought if he was able to sleep long enough for her to be gone that long, their bond having a way of alerting them to each other, unless she cut herself off from him reading her at all. Sitting up he feels a breeze from what he thinks is the balcony door. Upon further investigation, it actually opens to a small patio that spans onto the top of a hillside where he finds her, sitting with her knees pulled to her chest, beneath a beautiful blanket of stars he personally thinks holds no comparison to her.

Seeing she is only dressed in her simplest garments. He follows her lead, sitting beside her wordlessly, attempting to feel her out before he begins to wonder why she is radiating the melancholy he is picking up on. These aren’t their usual vibes they randomly exchange from time to time, this is something that anyone would see easily. For one, she keeps her knees cradled to her bare chest protectively. For seconds, she has her eyes averted from him completely. Even after he speaks to her. Her sorrow radiates off her just like all of her other emotions he’s recently witnessed. Emotions that didn’t seem to fit the girl he was once supposed to kill, but now that she can let her guard down, he keeps finding them to be rather deep and tumultuous.

“Rey, are you going to tell me what is the matter?” He’s met with a sniffle that she is trying to hide. “Did I hurt you, or your feelings?” He has a hard time saying _feelings_ , but he certainly didn’t want to be the guy that did hurt her feelings. After not feeling this free of his own emotions in years, seeing her suddenly so dark at times rattles him.

She shakes her head, keeping her eyes averted watching the clouds pass casually over the night sky above them. Staring at the stars with her he waits for her to change her mind. Then considers maybe just looking himself to see what she was thinking.

“You know I’ll find out. I’ll look inside if you make me.”

She looks at him through bloodshot eyes. “I had a bad dream, realizing it’s just you and me, which don’t misunderstand I am great with, but I didn’t get to say goodbye to anyone. Not to mention we can never go back. Not ever. We’ve burned our bridges, where are we going to end up now?”

He doesn’t bother trying to reason with her that they wouldn’t have let her say goodbye, not the way she would need to be able to find any kind of closure. Instead he wraps himself around her, swallowing her in his arms and pulling her to his lap where he smooths her hair and kisses the top of her head. “It will all come together over time. We’ll be alright.”

When she allows him to take her into his embrace, he knows she is okay, but she isn’t healed. Something their conversation indicated on the way here to Takodana. Rey is far more fragile than he could have anticipated her to be, not that he could have any expectations. For him it is quite unnerving being around her seeing her suffer this way. He’s great at being the strong one, but not this way, not that he won’t give it his best fighting chance to mend her the way he imagines she deserves.

A lot of their relationship, their connection, is based on their raw nerves only being numbed by each other. Perfectly aware no one else in the galaxy would ever be capable of understanding the other the way they do. Their relationship is built on far more than simple love. It’s more of a cosmic connection trying to right the wrongs in their two personal universes, uniting them as one for some greater purpose. Neither too sure what that could even be. Maybe they were destined to rule the galaxy one day?

Ben holds her close for what feels like hours watching the clouds slip by above. Occasional tears leak from from her eyes and down his arm or chest, wherever her face is resting at the time. He understands, even if he isn’t sure how to react to it. Goodbyes are hard once you have a connection with someone, especially after searching for acceptance for as long as she has, or he has. Needing her more than air itself, he wouldn’t know how to go on without her if she were to suddenly say goodbye or disappear, and he knows even the fear of it will drive him to the irrational anger he is too well known for.

Busying himself in order to not think about how easily he could become enraged, he wipes dry her tears and reassures her that she will always have him. She should know how obstinate he is, he will _never_ leave her. Never say goodbye. Ben hadn’t pictured himself being this person. After his incident with Luke, he had felt doomed, that no one would see redeeming character within him, not until Rey walked into his life on this very planet. At first all he could think was this couldn’t possibly be the awakening. Her? She is so petite and adorable, almost like a living doll. Yet, she blew right past his mental barrier and read his damn mind, and at that moment there was no question for him. Too terrified at the time to find out more about her abilities after she escaped, he let her go, hoping they wouldn’t cross paths again, all while hoping it would happen again soon.

It was a difficult task to be so torn. Killing his own father in an attempt to mend the rough edges of his soul only to tear himself further apart by that act. Rey is the only thing that has mended anything, and there is no chance he isn’t going to do the same for her, however she needs it. Sure she’s younger, and maybe more naive over all and somehow that probably makes her more sensitive, but she has a great understanding of how dangerous he is, and still shows no fear. The first one not to be afraid of him in some way, which might be why he likes when she allows him to play rougher. She understands him, even when he doesn’t.

“Rey, you’re starting to shiver,” he says lazily, standing up with her in his arms. Too easily actually, she should weigh a bit more, already having planned out a trip out tomorrow for supplies including food.

He carries her back to the bed where he lays her down climbing up to kneel over her, finding her nipples pert after the cool evening air. He leans in and blows a spike of warm breath across one, then the other. Giving a slow languid lick over one before the other.

“Do you like that?”

She nods, him watching her eyes turn glassy. Leaning in closer he kisses her firmly on the lips, sneaking his tongue into her mouth as she meets his movement with her own, pulling small sounds of approval from her. Always tasting sweet like sugared fruit, he pulls her bottom lip into his mouth giving it a gentle suck then admires how red and plump he makes it.

Leaning his forehead to hers, he balances carefully above her, his size enough to crush her. “Rey, why does this feel right after all the hatred we had for one another? Have you ever wondered?”

“Because we both need the kind of love that only we have to give. For every opposite there is between us, there is a parallel that is the same. It doesn’t exist anywhere else. I have started thinking of it as we’re each other’s complimentary halves.”

He kisses her again, gently this time, meeting her gaze. “I want you to marry me. It doesn’t have to be any time soon, but I want our connection honored in some way other than just us knowing this kind of love belongs to us and now one else.” His voice almost a whisper, his arms trembling on each side of her.

“You can take anything you want, remember? Of course I’m going to marry you… someday. I love you, I have no need for anyone else.”

“I love you.” He kisses her again before falling to her side and pulling her to him. “Every day that we are together the more whole I feel.” Holding her close he buries his face against her neck hoping she is feeling a little bit better as they drift back to sleep.

  
  


***

Ben pulls his fingers through Rey’s wet hair after her morning shower, attempting to detangle it from the buns she has taken out in order to wash her hair. He sighs with frustration before giving up and turning her around to face him. “I give up, that is a battle not won today.” He kisses her on her nose. “By the way, I have something for you.”

Rey cringes when he hands her a cloak that he dug out of the Falcon earlier this morning. “Matching cloaks, really?” she questions, skeptical, a snarl on her face of disapproval.

“A precaution until we feel things out,” he explains, slipping the cloak over her and pulling her hood up. “I think it works for you.”

“That’s because you didn’t hide from sand storms your entire childhood, covered head to toe most of the time,” she retorts.

He smiles, “Yes, but I’d be nice to me today, I’m the one with the credits to buy the supplies we need.”

“I can survive without credits,” she retorts.

“Not here you can’t, no-one here will trade you for scraps sweetheart.” Watching her sigh, he links his arm with hers and pats her on the arm. “I’ll take care of you today, it’s my job now.”

“Is it?”

“Trust me, Rey. Stop being difficult, you’ll just frustrate me.” He glares.

Ben walks with her close at his side through the main lounge of the castle before leading her down to the bazaar not too far away. He walks briskly, making it hard for her to take in the view of the amazing trees full of green. His legs so much longer and covering more ground, she is rushing to keep up. The green is the main reason she suggested Takodana, it isn’t anything like Jakku. He promises he’ll let her see more after they get what they need and assess their actual safety, unsure if they would be able to stay here for long. His plan is still to find a place for them to settle, making a mental note of the necessary surroundings. Remembering if he had ever seen anywhere with oceans and islands that also had any kind of forest nearby.

As they enter the busy bazaar he feels Rey tense on his arm, he pulls her in closer to guide her through the crowd. Leading her from booth to booth, he begins amassing basic items, essentials mostly. What he considers essentials anyhow. Rey giving him odd looks as he picks out items for her, her hair, her nails. He picks some clothes out for them both, trying to remember he doesn't want to overwhelm her with too many new things too fast, but too excited to slow down. It has been been a long time since he had to spend his own credits, the First Order having clothed and fed him while he was with them and he particularly, is having fun with it. He’s certain Rey isn't paying much attention to what he is picking up the longer they are there, which means she also isn't protesting, and he can sneak things in.

Stopping by the Falcon to drop off some staples first, they make it without incident back to their room. Ben is impressed with how little anyone really questioned who they were. Maybe they would be able to stay here while he plots their future. A few people nodded at him, but nobody that would stir anything up.

Rey drops her cloak on the ground in a path directly to the bed to collapse.

“Don't be so dramatic, if you look through what we purchased you'll find you might rather enjoy some of them.”

She eyes him carefully, “Oh I saw them.”

“Not all of it you didn't,'' he says, pulling out the perfume bottle he had snuck by her, popping the top and climbing over her on the bed. He tips it onto his finger and traces it down her neck down to just between her breasts. He then leans in to breath her in. “This is my favorite scent on you,” he tells her placing a chaste kiss upon her lips.

“Hmm.”

“I pay attention,” he says, taking another drop and sweeping it across the inside of each of her wrists, enjoying the goosebumps he brings from her skin.

“Ben, I like it, but I don’t need you to buy me things.”

“Yes, you do... look at these.”

He gets up long enough to grab one of the bags and places it on the bed before her. First he pulls out a hair brush and then a bunch of shower products with matching scents. “These are necessities, Rey, even if you don’t think they are. Most of the known galaxies use these kinds of things.” He’s being sarcastic, but honest with her. It’s true most places aren’t quite as poor as Jakku. The items they had to offer were nothing nice compared to these.

She grabs the hairbrush and tries to pull it through her hair. Leaving it stuck half way down when it doesn’t go through, “I haven’t had a real brush since I was a very young child. This is ridiculous.” She points to it hanging from her hair.

Laughing, he pulls out a jar and tosses it to her. “Try putting that in there first. It’s supposed to help.”

She accumulates all their items for the refresher and takes them in there while he pulls out some of the clothing items and begins to lay them out on the bed. Joining him by his side, looking over the bed, she shakes her head. “You are really pushing it you know?”

“It’s just you said you didn’t hate the dress, and they had such nice ones.”

“I didn’t hate it, and I don’t hate these, they are lovely. It’s going to take me time to adjust to having options. Having nice things might be nice,” she tells him, pulling the fabric through her fingers. “Just dresses?”

“Of course not, I got us both reasonable clothes for traveling and all new undergarments.” He blushes then, hoping that isn’t that last straw for her, as well as her not seeing him turning as red as he feels like he is.

“Oh boy.” She blows a hard breath between her lips. “Hit me with it, what did you pick out?”

“I can’t believe how little you paid attention.” He hands her the bag. “I’ll let you decide what you like.”

“I was asked to trust you.” She opens the bag to peek in to find some very basic items, but clean and well made, as well as some incredibly thin and lacy items she has never dreamed of owning. Some matching sets, the tops far more beautiful and functional than what she is used to. Nodding, she shrugs and closes the bag. “I can made due with some of these.”

It was then he realized he had been holding his breath the whole time. He wants her to feel as pretty as she is, not just to look it for him, so he’s relieved that even though she is being very non reactive, he can tell she likes what he picked for her.

  
  


***

Rey may have liked the things Ben purchased for her more than she was willing to admit, spending the better part of the afternoon into the evening in the refresher trying all the bathing products and grooming accessories. Finally, able to get a brush through her hair that has never felt as soft as it does now. She didn’t even know her hair fell as long as it does, down a few inches past her shoulders, having grown out quite a bit since she last remembers.

Inhaling the perfume from her own wrist, she can’t help but to think how much different it is when it’s applied to truly clean skin, or how good it feels to even have clean skin, this clean. No dusty residue immediately sticking to her as she dries. Even without that problem, the lotion took bathing to a whole new level, her skin softer than ever. She can’t wait to feel his hands on her and see his reaction, though he is used to having access to these things, so they may not feel so miraculous to him.

Staring at her reflection wearing only a lacy ensemble meant to be worn under a dress, or maybe to bed to be quickly discarded, she feels like a different person. He is right, of course, she could use a little bit more weight on her to really fill these these things out. Even then she knows she will never be busty, and if he doesn’t care so why should she? It does make her curious how he knew her sizes so well, but it isn’t worth investigating. Instead she stops pondering over her image, throwing on one of the dresses finding it to be semi-transparent. Somehow, it doesn’t bother her, because it is so warm here and it barely suggests what is beneath, yet, it _does_ suggest it. He likely knew that when he picked it, and if not, well surprise.

Before leaving the refresher, she grabs the small tube that happens to be in with all these things he had snuck in for her to experiment with, and swipes the reddish color across her lips. It is the first time she has allowed herself to feel so feminine, looking completely out of character, but she isn’t in the desert any longer, or hiding in space or on bases, no more swinging light sabers. Wondering when she last even practiced any forms.

Ben is too busy setting up the table in the other room, he doesn’t notice at first that she has entered. Rey watches him from the entryway to the bedroom, taking in how hard he is working to set a nice dinner for them, even having a fancy bottle of liqueur ready. Next to him is a cart with the food from the kitchen below. Thankfully, Maz’s place offers a lot of amenities. She approaches him stopping by the chair she planned on dining in.

“So?” she asks, but when he sees her, he just blinks a few times with a look of astonishment. “Too much?”

“No,” he replies shaking his head. “You are so...”

“Dressy?” she jokes with him, sitting in her chair.

“Breathtaking is more like it,” he corrects, “at least in my opinion. I _really_ like this Rey.”

“I’m glad, I like it more than I thought I would.” She refuses to make eye contact. She has been so difficult with him over these little things, but he was correct in knowing she would feel better with access to them. There’s nothing worse than having to eat crow.

Rey is sure Ben is hardly eating throughout their dinner. Preferring his drink more. Everything he does ringing in her head as a red alert. He isn’t allowing her into his mind, but she can read how he is feeling by his actions, and she enjoys making him anxious. After all the times he had made her nervous or scared, he deserves to be on edge because of her. His nerves are for entirely different reasons, but still there is something to be said about the power of good underwear and a red lipstick. Rey thought that whenever she heard those kinds of things it was the craziest thing, but nope, Ben has been this way since she walked into the room.

“Rey?” Ben says after a long round of silence as they finish their drinks.

“Yes, Ben?”

“I got something else today.”

“Okay?”

“I didn’t want to assume or think that you’d want it or not. It’s kind of for both of us,” he’s trying to explain, but his eyes are focused on the ceiling above her head. “Um...”

A moment later Ben is trying to show her something through the force, it too feels just as confusing.

“Ben, say it already.”

Her mind then gets a mental image that explains more clearly what he was trying to say and how it was for both of them. Feeling the blush spread across her cheeks she ask, “Oh, I’m not sure, do you think we need it?”

He lets out and audible breath once she figures out what he can’t seem to bring himself to say and shrugs. “I was thinking we would like to be able to plan around that. Just thinking ahead, until you can see a medic for something more permanent.”

Rey feels a little smug at how Ben seems to be unraveling before her. Obviously, he has been too nervous to proceed beyond a few of their bedroom experiences, even though he can talk rather dirty towards her. Now the drinking makes sense. “What if I want children? And don’t want to have anything preventing that? Simple or otherwise?”

He swallows hard, “You would really want to have children with me?”

“Ben, I am telling you, you can have sex with me and you do not have to use any kind of protection. Maybe for the first couple times, but I want options. I don’t want anything permanent. No medic, please?”

“So, just for now. Yes then? For now?”

“You know I love you even when you are this neurotic?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t expect to be this nervous over something so natural to the process.”

“Don’t be sorry, just calm down. I’m not going to tell you no, I’m not going to stop you, I’m not going to not enjoy it. It’s you, everything _you_ do is going to be great. I’m the one that should worry.”

He nods, “Yes, you should.” He slides his chair back and tosses down the last of his drink before sweeping her into his arms.

Rey can’t help but let out a laugh at his sudden bravado. His moods bounce so quickly from one extreme to the other, but since they’ve been together they have evened out, except when he gets in his weird nervous moods. Ben stands her on her feet once they’re in the bedroom and pulls her dress quickly, but smoothly over her head. Whispering a _wow_ , before tossing her into the middle of the bed.

For a small moment he stands there staring at her until she begins to feel self-conscious. After he gathers enough courage, he pulls his shirt off and drops his pants to the floor. She admires his toned body, the way his muscles fit him so well. She really does feel a little self-conscious whenever he is naked, he’s had years to perfect himself. Meanwhile, she has been nearly starving in the desert most of her life. She does her best to chase her thoughts away and refocus on him and his perfect pale skin, the skin she has laid scars upon, marking him as her own. This man is Rey’s man.

He crawls up from the bottom of the bed, laying kisses upon her from her toes to her neck, skipping all the parts she wants him to focus on. He then pauses, giving her a smile, telling her he loves her before kissing her and leaving his nerves behind. Rey can feel the moment he lets himself go and rewards him with her arms around his neck and her tongue in his mouth, pushing her pelvis up against him instinctively.

Leaving warmth where ever his lips spread across her skin, his fingers dance lightly down her sides, before pushing the lace over her breasts so he can see her. Taking one nipple in his mouth, he sucks on it as deeply as he can, his hand thumbing the other one. She wraps her fingers in his hair pulling him closer, urging him to suckle on the other. Taking her cues, he switches, receiving a small gasp in return. Unaware of how sensitive her nipples could be, she can already feel herself growing wet.

Everything begins happening so fast as he moves down her body, licking the inside of her navel before reaching his favorite destination on her body. She jumps when his fingers slip under the band of her new lacy underwear and yanks it down her legs tossing them to the side in one smooth movement. Their eyes meet for a moment in a silent exchange of permission asked and given. His eyes have darkened and she sees a devilish grin on his face before he presses her thighs apart and his face disappears.

The texture and warmth of his tongue sweeping across her outer labia before dipping gently inside has her gripping the sheets at her sides so hard her fingers hurt. It is wet and strange in all the best ways. The moment he stops to nip at the inside of her thigh she is filled with a longing she didn’t know was possible from such an act and twines her fingers in his hair to pull him back in. She can feel his chuckle as he continues to lick and kiss every deep intimate crease she has there.

He is going to break her, she knows it, as he sucks on her clit filling her with a sense of abandon. Her hands are twirled so tight in his hair, she is certain it’s hurting him, yet it doesn’t stop her from pulling him in as deep as possible. As he lets his tongue dip inside her in between sucks, she begins to reach her breaking point until he sudden stops.

“Not yet,” he says softly, kissing her inner thigh, giving it another nip.

Beginning to protest a new sensation replaces the other. This one warm and firm and is pressing deeper inside her than his tongue could reach. She glances down her body to investigate, finding him settled between her legs, mesmerized by his finger exploring her. It is considerably intimate to have him gazing at her so closely this way, and remembered him saying something one time about being intimate or something. No, she doesn’t really care, she just feels like this is more so than that time must have been. It is thrilling in such a way she can feel herself getting wetter with anticipation as she drops her head back to the bed preparing for more new sensations.

Adding a second finger makes her feel the burn from being stretched for the first time. She can feel herself wincing at his touch and tries to reign it in so she doesn’t scare him off. It doesn’t though, he moves a little slower and pulls back a bit allowing her to adjust first.

“Better?”

“Uh, hmm.”

No words necessary, she is focusing on all that is happening to her body and trying to acclimate to it, knowing what more is coming. Thinking back quickly to when she was holding him in her hand, how much larger he is than she expected. Pain will be coming for her tonight, but she appreciates him attempting to warm her up. Surprisingly, it doesn’t take long for that initial burn to dissipate, she hadn’t even realize he has pushed further in again and the idea of his fingers inside her begin to make her stomach swirl in a lovely way.

“Ben, you can go in further.” She tries to urge him on, because she thinks she is adjusting quickly.

“I promise I’ll get there,” he tells her climbing up to her side, not letting a finger end its movement.

Kissing her breast, licking his way to her nipple, he pulls it into his mouth watching her face contort expressions with so many sensations all at once. When he adds a third finger to the mix, she manages to wince a little less for him.

“Still want me to go further in?” he questions. Loving the way she is torn between the discomfort and the pleasure, he rests his head as he watches all the emotions play across her face.

“I think so, I think I’m ready.”

Removing his fingers, he slides over her kneeling between her thighs spreading her legs so far apart her hips almost ache. Resting himself above her on his hands he leans down and takes her lips with his in an extensively languid kiss that almost distracts her from the sensation of his cock lined up at her entrance. She swallows hard as he eases slowly into her, the size and the hardness startling at first. More so the more he pushes into her. Even with her thorough wetness it is a struggle for him to slide in.

For a moment all there is, is their erratic breaths and the sensation of their bodies joining each other. When their Force bond opens suddenly and they can sense the other, his eyes find hers as she lets out a strained gasp. Her hands clutch his arms as he leans closer into her for a better angle and continues to push a little deeper, pulling out slightly to spread her slickness a bit more before continuing. He then reaches it, the spot he wouldn’t pass with his fingers and pauses. It isn’t very deep inside her, she can tell he has a ways to go, so she looks up at him to find his eyes intently looking back.

“I’m sorry,” he says before plunging past her virginity, burying himself deep within her, hugging her tightly between his forearms.

Letting out a loud quick burst of a scream, she slams her eyes shut as her arms wrap furiously around him and her legs slacken as though it would help force him out, but he is too big for her in every way. If it weren’t for their connection through the Force at the moment, she would swear he is trying to kill her. Keeping her as tight in his embrace as their current position would allow he paces his breathing with hers to help her calm.

“You’re okay Rey, it’s okay,” he tells her repeatedly, waiting for the panic and the pain to dissipate some.

When she is able to allow herself to relax she opens her eyes again to find him watching her with the same intent look. She smiles at him encouragingly and nods that she’s ready. The slightest movement from him makes her slam her eyes closed again, but he persists slowly as he can manage and begins to build a short, soft rhythm inside her as she gradually opens for him. The burn is still there, but it is met with a different kind of burn, a tingling that parallels the pain with pleasure and before long she has loosened her clutch around him and settles back against the bed comfortably.

Eventually, she begins to meet his movements with her hips, though they feel pinned down by his body. Every movement is an effort to push herself onto him deeper, an awkward thrill as it also causes more pain, but she is riding the edge too closely now, and the beautiful grunts he lets out as she drives herself towards him is irresistible.

“I need you to cum Ben, I’m going to… now,” she says to him in weighted breaths.

Plunging himself into her deeper than he has been one last time he groans into shoulder, her thighs trapping him to her in sweet misery. Her nails embed themselves into his back as she clings to him desperately as her orgasm washes over her in a multitude of waves until they begin to fade away. Opening her eyes, she finds him gazing back at her in wonderment. She sweeps a few beads of sweat from his forehead, smiling at him for making her feel completely undone.


	11. Longing

An ache radiates through her entire body when she wakes. Hearing the water running, she assumes Ben is in the shower washing her off of him. Performing a normal morning stretch pulls her in the wrong ways, a reminder to the prior evening. Yet, the smile upon her lips only spreads. 

_Perfection_ , she thinks, _pain in all._

Nobody would believe this could have ever happened, certainly she didn’t. Now though, she can’t stop imagining it. Every sensation, _him_ , he fits her in all the ways possible. Physically, mentally, emotionally, everything about him, it all belongs to her.

Grabbing his pillow from his side she pulls it to her chest, breathing in his scent, daydreaming about how this will turn out. No fear of where to go, hiding, fighting to stay together. She will never leave him. Especially, not after last night, the sense of being complete has found her. She will always need _him_ and she is certain he will always need her as well.

Returning his pillow, she sits up and to pull the sheets down to find a bigger mess than she is expecting. _Fuck!_ Immediately, touching herself to see if she is still bleeding. Thankful she isn’t, but now paranoid about the sheets and wondering if he realizes.

 _Of course he should, he is in the shower. Obviously, he would know_.

Feeling her cheeks warm she falls back on her pillow pulling the sheets over her head. This is not how she pictured the following morning.

Panicking, she doesn’t hear Ben turn the water off, just the feel of the sheets as he pulls them from over her head. She smiles halfheartedly at him.

“Are you alright? Why are you crying?”

She rubs her cheeks to find he’s right. “I didn’t know I was.”

“What happened?”

Cheeks warming again, she shrugs. “Nothing.”

“Rey?” he urges her with a softer tone.

“I ruined the sheets,” she whispers, eyes turned away.

Ben sits next to her pulling her to him. “No you didn’t, we both did and it’s okay. We’ll get them replaced. It isn’t a big deal.”

“What if something is wrong with me?” she questions, getting to the root of her concerns.

Knitting his brows together, he thinks about it for a moment. “Does it hurt badly or are you still bleeding?”

She shakes her head.

“Maybe a shower, then breakfast, and we’ll see how you feel after that?”

“Okay,” she responds, climbing around him to the floor where she turns to see the look of concern on his face. “I’ll be alright, I think. I’m just a little shocked.” She kisses him quickly before leaving him to fix the bed.

The shower is refreshing, the warm water taming some of the ache in her body, the part that hurts. The other ache she thinks will have to wait to be tended to for a little bit, unsure her body would allow any further action. Her brain however, has other plans, picturing his body and how she thinks it interacted with her body. How his muscles tensed and shifted with his movements and how those movements sent such an interesting new feeling through her. Something akin to a magical vibration traveling the course of her entire nervous system before exploding. Forcing herself to stop thinking about it, she turns off the water and grabs a towel before she could change her mind about giving her body time to recover. He would likely not protest.

Breakfast is waiting for her, Ben already there putting a spread on his bread. Pulling her dress comfortably around her legs so she can sit, she joins him grabbing a fruit from the bowl in the middle of the table.

“Better?” he asks after watching her momentarily.

“I’ll be alright, but I think I’ll need a couple of days to recover. I wasn’t expecting that to be so bad. I knew it would happen, but that was… just bad.”

“I’m sorry, if I had realized it would be like that I would have better prepared the both of us. You’re sure though, that you are alright.”

She nods. “You realize what you forgot?”

“Did I forget or just not bother?” he questions, his turn to avert his eyes.

“Oh,” she is at a loss. Willing to have his babies one day doesn’t make her ready now.

“Please don’t get anxious, I just forgot and it’s highly unlikely anything will happen.”

“I know. I’m sure it’s fine.”

  
  


*Six Months Later*

  
  


Ach-to, their new sanctuary. Ben found one of the larger islands not close to the Jedi ruins. There is a small village, mostly inhabited by refugees much like them, all primarily kind beings. Ben managed to find Rey her island with a small forest. She is beyond happy here, with him, with these townspeople who have accepted them. It’s a small community, but it’s home.

Their home, a well-built dwelling atop one of the hills, is just walking distance from town. Here they can see the ocean rushing in, feel the wind stream by, and watch the town below. Rey loves standing in the breeze, smelling the salty air as her dress whips around her. She feels free for the first time in her life. Content with small town living, farming and fishing, they help the other townspeople with their needs as necessary. Ben has more credits than he can let on, not minding handing some out here and there, acting as though he happens upon the supplies in his travels.

She is so proud of him and how far he has come. His anger and frustration no longer sits in his core, boiling, waiting for an opportunity to seep out in some way. A smile always on his face when he sees her, or when socializing with their new community. She loves him far more now than before. He is supportive of her, and helped her past all the depression she was introduced to after being separated from the Resistance. Something not even mentioned between them in six months, or the First Order.

Ben enters their home with a line of fish over his shoulder. Dropping them in the sink, he assures her he will clean up after himself when he’s done. Rey isn’t a big fan of the fish, but it comes with this life, so she will take it. Ben has found different ways to keep it from getting boring, but it does get redundant after some time without many other options.

“Okay,” she tells him, rocking in her chair looking out the window towards the ocean. “Let me know if you need any help.”

Ben washes his hands and shakes them off before wiping them on his pants to dry. “I always need help once I see you.” He teases, crossing the room and kneeling before her chair and flinging her skirt over his head.

His warm breath greets her bareness as his hands reach her hips to yank her down towards him. She giggles at him until his lips reach her soft skin, tongue splitting her open and sweeping across her entirely before landing on her clit. She yanks her dress back from over his head to see him as she winds her hand into his hair. He is very good at keeping himself busy pleasuring her like this. Sucking her into his mouth as he slips two fingers into her depths, curling them upwards. Her body gives in then, turning to jelly and she melts into the chair and his face.

“Fuck Ben!” she groans as his fingers work inside of her, her clit thrumming against his tongue. “I fucking love you.” She knows she sound ridiculous, she always says the craziest things when he does this to her.

His free hand gives her hip a squeeze in response so he didn’t have to stop, continuing to drive her orgasm forward. She has gotten better about cumming so quickly, which he loves because it means he has to be more creative now. Using his spare hand he begins rubbing her clit in hard circles, moving his lips to the inside of her thigh with a few nibbles before looking up at her. She locks eyes with him as she cums on his fingers, him thrusting them in deeper, roughly, giving her a reason to scream.

Trembling, she slides off of the chair towards him straddling his lap as she lays a kiss forcefully on him, arms wrapping around his neck. She grinds herself against him as he works her dress off, before undoing his pants. She gives him enough space to line himself up before dropping herself on him, another cry leaving her as she begins to work herself on him at an eager pace.

“I fucking love you too,” Ben manages to say between her kisses, his hands controlling her hips so he doesn’t cum too quickly. “Hold on.”

He slips her off of him, guiding her to her feet as he stands up, giving her little time to actually stand he draws her up his body, wrapping her legs around his waist. She lets him pin her against the wall and force himself back into her at his pace now. She presses her forehead against his, taking him so deeply it almost hurts. As his breath becomes inhibited he thrusts deeper inside of her.

“Ben, careful. The baby,” she reminds him.

“Fuck,” he pulls out and drops her back down, apologizing as he sweeps her up and carries her to the bedroom.

“It’s okay, it’s still early,” she assures him as she lands on the bed, rolling on all fours.

He is so tall compared to her diminutive body, she aligns almost perfectly for him this way, and he loves holding her swelling belly as he takes her from behind. As he moves inside of her, she begins to push herself back onto him matching his strained efforts. She loves the sounds he makes when he is getting close to finishing inside of her.

“It’s okay, just go,” she tells him gently.

“No,” he almost growls at her, pulling out and flipping her on her back, “I have to see your face when you cum with me.”

It’s all she needs to cling to him matching his thrusts and grinding herself to him as much as possible as he moves so quickly within her. Biting her lip, she nods at him, her eyes closing, head rolling back. He drives himself into a few more times before joining her. She has fallen in love with the jelly-like feeling she has after and the way he keeps her in his arms for awhile as their breath returns to normal.

“I’m sorry about the baby,” he tells her again sliding down her body, kissing around her belly.

“It’ll be alright for a couple of more months, but we’ll have to figure some things out after that. I’m starting to get uncomfortable,” she explains to him, taking in his awed face as he cradles his arm around her belly whispering to the being inside. “You’re going to be a great father if you keep this up.”

“I don’t think making you cum twice has anything to do with fatherhood.”

“Ben.”

“I’m kidding, I hope you’re right,” he says, kissing her belly one more time before dressing so he can fix dinner.

“I’m right.”

Even on it’s chillier days, it is still relatively warm on this part of Act-to, so she enjoys laying out on the bed, relaxed and blissed out. Her emotions have been so even since becoming pregnant four months ago, she figures she was meant to be this way. As often as they have sex, she is surprised that it took him that long to get her in this condition. Once they found a home, she no longer worried about waiting. Finding a safe place was all she needed.

Of course they are married now, the band of silver on her finger a reminder. There was no ceremony, just a few of the townspeople and a beach at sunset. Short and sweet, about as perfect as she could have wanted. The only thing that could have been better was if she still did have her old friends. It’s the only time she has thought of them. Getting married is something you share with people that are important to you. Just because they aren’t in her life now, doesn’t mean they weren’t important at one point. Ben is just more important now. They have a home and are about to have a family.

She strokes her small belly, wondering if it’s a boy or a girl. Or if she could use the force to find out. Medics on more tech driven planets have the ability to tell, not here though. Ben has offered to take her, but she fears what will happen if anyone in their opposition found out she is carrying _his_ baby. It’s why they have cut themselves off from everything they once knew. There are a few people here who know who Ben once was, but they have learned he isn’t that guy any longer. If only they could explain that to the galaxy at some point. For now, this is their home and it is perfect.


	12. Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you for all the wonderful kudos & comments.

The smell of Rey is what wakes Ben early every morning. Like a subconscious alarm, it’s the first thing he notices before he realizes he is even awake. Her, the sweet desert flower smell with a sheer layer of sweat from the weather, mixed with the efforts of their nightly round of intimacy. He can’t help but to want her, and not just for sex, though it might be his favorite activity. He waited so long, he feels like he’s slightly obsessed, remembering the time he had gotten out of the shower to find her outside the door busy helping herself. It was a long time ago, but he can relate to it now.

Watching her as she sleeps peacefully beside him does two fascinating things to him. First it makes his pulse race as his heart pumps hard, not from arousal, but from the love he feels for her and the irrational idea he could lose her somehow. The second is the arousal, but not the part where sex is this dirty amazing thing they do, but that because of the first thing and the second he has taken part in something amazing for once. He created a life.

Initially, he had felt bad for it happening so quickly. She had said she was okay with it, but he was sure it was their first time after their conclusion it was time to try that it happened. The swell of her belly is hard for him to not pay attention to in the early hours when Rey is still so deeply asleep, sleeping longer than him now that she is pregnant. He didn’t know if she could feel him, but he often would speak to the baby as he stroked her belly faintly every morning. Sometimes she would mumble in her sleep at him when he did. He didn’t want to disturb her, but also can’t help himself. The bigger she gets, the more radiant she appears, he would swear her skin literally carries a permanent glow.

Rey’s hand covers his as he strokes her belly. “I’m starting to feel you do that easier.”

“Sorry,” he tells her softly.

Her eyes flutter open as she yawns before giving him a smile. “Don’t be, I can just feel my skin stretching now.”

“Yet everyday you get bigger, you grow more beautiful. I am pretty sure you are an anomaly.”

“Please, I’m sure one day I’ll be too big for you to want fuck me.”

 _There she goes with that mouth of hers_.

He doesn’t approve of her talking this way, but it’s the only thing she does that isn’t innocent and kind in some way. “Rey, you know I will always want you.”

“So say it,” she challenges him.

“Kriff Rey, I will always want to fuck you. Why must you insist on speaking so crude? It doesn’t fit you.”

She shrugs at him. “Why does it bother you? No-one is here to hear it, and I’m not crude in public. I just like saying some shocking things once in awhile. I know you like it.”

“I know I do too, maybe I wouldn’t be so turned on all the time if such dirty words didn’t fall from such an innocent person’s mouth all the time.”

She scoots closer to give him a chaste kiss. “I thought that was the point?”

“It certainly derives one,” he agrees, sighing as she moves down his body. She doesn’t do this very often, his size being a slight problem, but recently her hormones have her all over the place with him. He shuts his eyes at the first sensation of her small, warm hand wrapping around him.

“And you used to give me grief for always being ready for you,” she teases him, running her tongue across the head of his rigid cock.

“Yup,” he mumbles back, focusing on every minuscule thing she makes him feel.

Moving her hand gently up and down his length she gets him eager before wrapping her lips around him. Slowly at first taking him in just by the head as her hand works him lower down. She could never take him all the way in her mouth. She has tried, but retreats every time before it goes all wrong. It doesn’t matter to him, it’s not his goal to make her sick. He just wants to feel the incredible heat and moisture as it pulls him in and out of her beautiful mouth. He never lasts long when she does this. It doesn’t help that its usually first thing in the morning when his body has a mind of it’s own anyway.

She uses her hand and her mouth in synchronized movements to bring him to orgasm. He loves cumming in her mouth, but hates how it is over so quickly. There is no better sensation than her tongue swirling around him as she sucks him off. Generously, she lightens her touch but continues to run her tongue softly around him until he relaxes back to himself and eventually pushes her back gently.

“Don’t kill me here,” he tells her, a grin meeting him in response.

He shakes his head and wriggles away from her so he can sit up and pull her to him. Even as she grows rounder she fits so well against him. Pressing his nose to her hair he takes in her soft scent as she nestles into his neck.

“What do you think we are having?”

“I don’t care,” she says with a shrug. “Whatever may be, may be. We have already defied the odds of getting to be together, of escaping the wars, the babies sex is too trivial as long as it is a healthy and happy baby, with a healthy and happy family. Something else we have defied the odds of.”

He laughs softly at her use of the words _healthy_ and _happy_ about their relationship. Happy certainly true, healthy? Well, he would debate that to a degree. Sex obsessed and in love as deep as they are. You would think something would have to give, but it hasn’t. Every time their bond joins them they are given an opportunity for the Force to show them they have a mutual need for each other. There has to be more to it, but for now he’ll take sex obsessed and in love.

Having detached from his old self so easily, Rey has to stay with him, his anchor to reality. To happiness. His family would be proud of him. All of them. They had found him to be without redemption, except for his mother, but Rey changed that. It isn’t such an easy explanation as to why outside of the Force, but he believes that something will come of it all in time. Having been reading the Jedi texts Rey had saved, he has seen brief mentioning to a Dyad like theirs. They are so rare, recent generations had believed them as nothing more than myth.

“They are proud of you,” she whispers to him.

“I know.” He kisses the top of her head, wishing he hadn’t let his guard down. He doesn’t want her to see any of his vulnerabilities while she is pregnant, wanting her to know he will protect her. “Breakfast?”

“I’m going to bathe first, but yes.”

“I’m running down to the market,” he tells her, knowing she will take her time to bathe.

  
  


***

  
  


Their quaint market smells of fresh bread and pastries mixed with the warm fruit smell of recent made jams. Rey is particularly fond of the local honey, so he grabs her a new jar with some of the butter pastries. Moving along the line he grabs a half a dozen eggs and some milk, then finds a small bouquet of wildflowers, purple her favorite. He hands his credits to the seller with a thank you.

He smells the flowers on his way back through as he exits the early morning crowd shopping for their first meal of the day as he is. Seeing a dark figure standing in the middle of the path he would take home, he looks up to find an angry Rose staring at him, hands on her hips.

“Rose,” he greets her staunchly.

“Kylo Ren,” she retorts.

He walks past, looking over his shoulder as he leaves her behind, “not anymore.”

Rose follows him, him in the lead with much longer legs as they climb the hill. More worried about when Rey wouldn’t be able to make this journey, he doesn’t even look back at Rose. Knowing she would follow no matter what he says or does. Considering lying to her that Rey isn’t here, but she would see through that. He ignores her ranting behind him until she addresses him as Ben.

“What Rose?” he asks, turning abruptly. “What could you possibly want?”

“To see if Rey is okay,” she replies with a frown.

He shakes his head at her, continuing up the hill, “I don’t need you upsetting her.”

“People are worried, Ben.”

“Not our concern, Rose.”

Speeding up, he wonders if he could out pace her. Her small little legs might just give out and he can slip away. She doesn’t falter though, and the moment he sees Rey standing outside of their home her back to them, dress whipping around her legs, he knows it’s too late. With a sigh he returns to a slower pace so Rose can catch up to him. Once she does, he stops in front of her stopping her as well.

“Remember, not to upset her. It wasn’t easy on her to have to leave, and seeing you right now is going to be very difficult for her. I won’t feel bad for what I have to do if you upset her.”

“Don’t threaten me.”

“Not a threat, a warning. You can see from here she is fine. You could just walk away now.”

“Not a chance,” she says, pushing past him shouting Rey’s name.

Ben watches as Rey can’t hear here over the wind, secretly wishing she wouldn’t hear her at all, but after a few attempts from Rose she turns around a confused look upon her face. He almost bumps into Rose paying attention to Rey’s reaction, but he did have to have a bit of appreciation for the look on Rose’s face as she stops a handful of paces behind. He continues past her to hand Rey her flowers, giving her a kiss on the forehead before going in to place the food down.

He doesn’t linger wanting to keep tabs on the situation, finding Rey holding Rose at arms length preventing her from hugging her. Clearly in shock from her sudden appearance. He can see Rose was expecting something more friendly, though he is impressed that Rey is simply behaving neutral to her.

“Rey, what has happened?”

Ben joins Rey wrapping his arms around her from behind, hands resting on her belly, a look of pride on his face. It forces Rose to take a few steps back. He knew he would have that effect, while Rey simply leans back against him for support.

“Your favorites are inside,” he says into her ear leaving a kiss nearby. He slides his hand into hers and pulls her with him towards their home. “If you’re coming, you should do so now, Rose.”

Inside Ben sets out her food for her, while Rose sits by her at the table taking in them and their interactions, the feel of their home. Her shock palatable.

“Thank you,” Rey tells Ben before turning to Rose, hesitant to give too much attention to her, she focuses herself on drizzling honey on her pastries. “Why are you here?”

“Tea?” Ben asks Rose as he sets a cup down in front of Rey.

She jumps, not having any idea how to process what is truly happening here, looking as though she is completely dissociated. “Sure. Um, I just needed to see that you were alright. We have been looking for you for months.”

“Why? Or better yet, how?” Rey asks.

“We weren’t sure what was going to happen to you after you left with… him.”

“Freedom and happiness, Rose. How did you even find us?” Rey explains, irritated she didn’t get her answer the first time she asks.

“Finn and I have been hacking signals for months, uncloaking them. Finding this one, we thought was a long shot until I saw the Falcon hidden in the forest.”

“Is Finn here?” Ben asks, whipping up some eggs to fry after giving Rose her cup.

“Nobody does. Finn didn’t believe that this one could be it. I think he has given up. I came alone.”

“Well, you have seen her. You can see she is perfectly fine and content with her life. You can leave... _alone_.”

“No I can’t. We need help. The First Order is rebuilding and has been coming after us again.”

“Rose, I’m pregnant. There is nothing I could do if I wanted to, and I don’t. Not after the betrayal the Resistance has shown me. Can you not understand that there are some things bigger than their opinion of my husband? I’m _happy_ where I am. There is no going back for me.”

“Husband?” Rose’s eyes look at their hands seeing their rings. “You two are really making this work?”

“I told you he is different, why didn’t you trust me when you could?” Rey spits at her angrily.

Ben seeing she is exhausted from the conversations steps in. Setting the cooked eggs in the middle of the table he joins them. “Rose, I asked you not to upset her. I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.”

Rose swallows hard, and looks him in the eyes, “no.”

Ben nods, “What would you like sweetheart?”

“An apology, maybe an explanation, and to be left in peace,” she says.

“You heard her Rose.”

Rose sips from the tea Ben had brought her. “I’m sorry.”

“Not to me, to my husband,” Rey demands.

“Ben, I am sorry,” Rose says slowly. “I didn’t know they had decided to try to imprison you. I was not a part of that at all. Rey, I mean it. I didn’t know.”

Unsure why he even believes her, he feels sorry for Rose. For her to take the time to track them down and to come alone does show a lot of conviction, maybe even trust she isn’t aware she has for the two of them. “What were you wanting to come from this meeting, Rose?”

“Are you two hiding under rocks out here? The war is raging on while you two sit here in a kriffin fairy tale people are dying. Aren’t you tired of all the death… Ben?” Rose questions.

Ben sighs, looking at his pregnant wife.

“What?” Rey asks him.

“You know, Rey. Maybe it is time to see what this all means.”

“I’m not endangering our child,” she shouts at him, leaving the table and the room.

Ben rubs his hands over his face in frustration before serving himself some eggs. “Would you like something to eat?”

Rose blinks at him for a moment. “Sure.”

Ben eats silently for awhile, sure time isn’t going as slow as it feels it is. He needs to think. Between the Jedi texts and his prior life, he knows there is more. There has always been more. It was only a matter of time before the war gained traction again. He _is_ tired of the death, of the galaxy being split. He would be content for a democracy to be reestablished, to bring back the Jedi Knights to help protect it. To live the life his grandfather was meant to beside his grandmother. It has been hiding in his core this whole time. Unsure how it has crept its way to the surface he accepts he has been scheming this subconsciously for quite some time. Ideas in their infancy.

“Ben!” Rey shouts from the other room.

It’s nothing urgent, she just saw what he was considering. “I’ll talk to her.”

“You will?” Rose asks curiously. “I get the impression she is too happy here to leave.”

“Naboo would make her happy too, it’s more populated and better education,” he replies, his eyes drifting to something in the distance, imaging it.

“What does Naboo have to do with this?”

“Legacy,” Ben looks at her. “My grandmother was from there, she was a part of the Senate and a princess, Rose. I have roots there.”

“There is no more Senate, not a functioning one any way.”

“Then it is time for a change,” Ben looks her in the eye, “it’s been time for awhile now.”

“You really are completely different,” Rose admits. “I am sorry for all of this.”

He shrugs, “I have a beautiful wife and a baby, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

Rose nods in agreement. “What now?”


	13. Resurrection

Jedi Knights- a term often thrown around from Ben’s past before the First Order, before Rey. More often than not he thought the Jedi order as dead, no more trained in the brilliant style they once were. Those blessed with the force are now rogue and unrefined like Rey, or dark, like Ben was. It seems all too fitting that maybe he belongs somewhere in between instead now. It doesn’t erase the memory of the learners he had exterminated, but Rey has balanced the darkness within him and he feels compelled to take on the rigorous task of resurrecting the terminated order. Taking the myth out of the mystery of their existence, he plans on searching for those who are force sensitive, like Finn.

Rey is his personal sun in his ongoing overcast of a mind. It will be difficult to remove her from this island she has fallen in love with, but his plans will relocate them to Naboo. An equally beautiful place to live, with a higher populace, giving her an opportunity to make actual friends. In the least she would have the ability to hire someone to help her with the baby, giving her breaks when he can’t. Knowing he will be too busy if things go as he plans. The plans he has been hiding from his wife for the last two weeks, agreeing to meet up with Rose after he breaks the news to Rey.

Their lifestyle is about to change, where Ahch-to is a happy median for the two, moving her to Naboo will prove a chore acclimating her to the life he was meant to have had all along. One he was primarily groomed for while still a young child before his mother sent him away. Rey is unaware that his credits will last them their life through as well as their child’s. There has never been a good way to enlighten her to the fact they were wealthy. Her contentment has been fully based on this low-key island life… that he has paid for. It’s her island, he has never found the right way to mention it, figuring she would piece it together, or see it in his mind at some point when he drops his guard to it.

He watches Rey every night, lying on her side, her belly cradled in her hands. It is clear she is starting to feel the pregnancy and it won’t be long until she will appreciate the ease that Naboo will offer, the hill soon becoming a challenge to take into their tiny town. He hears it in her breathing, that she has become more weary much quicker than usual. Hair dips over her face, hiding the angelic look she seems to always have. Sighing, he knows time is running low for him to figure a way to explain it to her. Needing also a plan to make both of their transitions as easy as possible, it has been quite awhile since he had been back and isn’t sure their presence would be favorable. It is going to take a lot of convincing for anyone to welcome them.

Pacing across the room striped by the incoming moonlight, he tries to work his way through how he’ll convince her. Even thinking of demanding her, the way he would have in the past. Maybe even just tossing her in binders and leading her away against her will.

_Certainly, she won’t put up that kind of fight, right?_

She loves him, he knows it. She should follow him wherever he needs to go. Support him in his endeavors, but that stands the same in reverse. The very reason it is so hard to imagine taking her away from here. Then he wonders if he told her it’s her island and she can return whenever, maybe she wouldn’t put up such a fight. He’s also considers she has never been around large amounts of people for any extent of time, and there is some comfort here in not having to keep up social decorum.

Carefully, he has been teaching her little things along the way. Basic manners she would have never picked up abandoned on that desert trash planet. The Resistance has also given her some experience with meeting different types of people and socializing in an organized group.

_She’s not incapable of being normal._

Slapping himself across the forehead, he knows he is severely overthinking scenarios where she might misstep in public. _His_ Rey, is perfect, and he has no reason to think it would matter to anyone if she isn’t as adept at social skills as any other royal member would be. She will be learning from scratch, but her heart is huge and she will be fantastic with the younglings training in the order. Philanthropy will be a strong point for her. When has she ever not put the well-being of others ahead of herself? She put _him_ first when he didn’t deserve it, when she should have killed him. She knew who he was, of course she could see it even when he couldn’t because she pushed past his own mental barriers he had placed to protect himself. Barriers to submerge any light that could have found him, any good, not anticipating that she could implant the light outside those walls. Light that seeped through his very being, and enveloped his heart with a touch of help from his mother.

The sheets make a ruffling noise as he hears Rey stir forcing him to pause his pacing, staring at her waiting to see if he’s been caught red handed conspiring against her desires. Something he swore to himself he wouldn’t do. Deeply exhaling, she returns to her motionless sleep.

_I have to tell her soon._

Gently taking his place in their bed, he lies on his back, looking sideways at her to ensure he doesn’t disturb her. There was a time that the Jedi meant something to him. His uncle once his hero, there when his father wasn’t. At first the idea of training was his priority. It wasn’t a lie when he told Rey he never pursued girls when he was younger and should have been interested. Mostly, because he wasn’t supposed to, but also because he believed in the order. They’d have to update some of their laws. Romantic life optional when training is complete. They would have to establish themselves before bonding with anyone to help protect their minds.

Listening to her breath slip through her lips, he wonders if she would ever finish her training, so close to the end. He suspects that their baby will trump any training outside of her normal routines she has sidelined for the time being. She won’t even do forms any longer, resorting to simple stretches to remain limber.

A sheer layer of sweat has accumulated across Rey’s face, glistening in the moonlight. Desperately, he wants to wipe it away the idea of it making her uncomfortable. Her sleep more necessary than his need to do so. Naboo is a comfortable planet, but it is cooler most of the time, and he can tell she appreciates the heat. He imagines cradle her to him as they sleep to keep her warm.

 _Stop trying to find_ _way_ _s to not come up with a plan._

It’s easy to chastise himself he’s been doing it for so long, but he has to stop being distracted by her beauty, her innocence. It’s time to tell her. Knowing that doesn’t make it an easy task. He sweeps stray hair away from her forehead sticking to her sweaty skin. His touch pulling her towards him, he wraps his arm around her.

“Why are you still awake?” The words come out of her mouth in a quiet mumble as she nuzzles closer against him.

“Thinking,” he says simply. “We will talk in the morning. Everything will be fine until then.”

  
  


***

Rey stares at him, her jaw slightly ajar, honey dripping off the biscuit she is preparing to eat. Knowing it is going to be difficult he presses on, explaining what he wants to do avoiding eye contact, not that it helps when his mind is more vulnerable to her at times. He tells her how much she will like Naboo, how the environment will be similar, and how it won’t be. Some of his ideas she is already aware of, but not the details of execution. Anticipating she would be difficult, he leaves her with a choice.

“You will go to Naboo while I stay here?” Her face drops. “How do you know, I wouldn’t just go with you?”

Ben looks up at her, “I know you don’t want to leave here, and I don’t want to be the reason you have to. We wouldn’t be parting ways.”

“Wouldn’t we though?”

“Not permanently. Long enough for you to enjoy your life here, enjoy being pregnant in a place you are familiar with. I could send someone to help with your needs. A droid maybe? Until you are closer to the end of your pregnancy and then bring you to Naboo.”

“That is months away.” She sets her biscuit down, her appetite squashed.

“I know.”

“You would really be alright leaving me here pregnant alone?”

“You would not be left alone, and no, I wouldn’t be.”

“Then why make me choose? Stay with me.”

Sighing, he takes a sip from his glass. “I don’t want to make you choose, but you do have a choice. I _am_ going to Naboo to take action. I want you to be happy whether you are here or with me. You have a right to choose, I can’t make you leave.”

“You are though, I’m not going to let you leave without me. Besides, how would you ever afford to send help? It would be pricey. I’m not that naive to credits, Ben.” She rolls her eyes at him, thinking his offer is farce or he’d send someone that wouldn’t be very good. Whatever the case she doesn’t trust it.

He nods at her, wringing his hands together out of view under that table. “Listen Rey, I haven’t had a lot of opportunity to think through the best way to explain this. I’ve tried for months now, but you are so happy here, I didn’t want to change any of that with outside influence… or my influence.”

“What influence?”

“We will always have security. Our child, future children, they too will always have security. As soon as we bring back balance they will anyway. I have a shipload of credits stocked away in a few different systems. They sit and gain interest all the time, have for years.” He pauses, letting her absorb his words. “Do you understand what I am saying?”

She nods slowly. “I think so.”

Sensing she isn’t sure how to feel about it he doesn’t add in the part about the island. “I know, it’s not what you were expecting, but you had to know on some level we weren’t getting low.”

“What influence do your credits have here?”

He doesn’t immediately answer, having just decided not to tell her, he reconsiders. There is a little shock in her expression. Telling her is probably not the best idea, but he also knows neither is lying to her. “This is our island, yours actually. I bought it for you.”

Biting her lip she nods again. “That’s why I can always return.”

“Yes, that and because it’s your favorite place. I know you will like Naboo too,”

“Okay.”

The word falls from heavily from her lips as she leaves her breakfast behind. He watches her go into the bedroom wordlessly, knowing better than to follow. She needs to digest the meaning of what he has told her, to understand she is safe now from almost anything outside of the First Order, and even then he can’t be too sure he couldn’t buy some of them off. The resistance doesn’t have him worried like it had in the past. Rose is going to work on them from her end to soften the blow when they meet in Naboo.

Clearing the table he sets her dish to the side, knowing she will be hungry before long no matter her emotions. He will give her some time before taking it to her and seeing how she is doing. She’s already back in bed, curled on her side, but awake. Feeling her mind just enough to ensure she is taking the time to process everything. The idea of politics, the credits, the Jedi has to be overwhelming. It’s a lot for anyone currently in the process of creating life. Not wanting to be the typical man, he won’t blame her emotions swaying, but they do not go unnoticed. For him it isn’t terrible. Whenever she throws him for a loop he looks inside for assurance in her thoughts. It doesn’t phase him the way it might if he had no insight at all.

An hour passes as he waits for her to come back or ask for his company. Continuing to stay in bed, he grabs her plate and a glass of water and joins her in the bedroom. Setting the glass on the table he has Rey sit up and hands her the plate before sitting beside her.

“You have to eat now. I can’t imagine you aren’t hungry at all.”

“I am,” she faintly laughs.

“So give it to me. Tell me your thoughts.”

“I told you I was coming with you.”

“Rey, don’t be stubborn. Please, I may not be able to help myself from looking inside your thoughts.”

“I don’t know yet, but if you have a lot of credits, I’d like some new clothes. I’m outgrowing these.”

“ _We_ have a lot of credits.”


	14. Naboo

Lights from the city of Theed sparkle beneath the balcony stretching far across the distance. The capital of Naboo is as promised, beautiful waterways and greenery for miles. Held up in her room since their arrival two days ago, Rey can only see from her balcony and is becoming restless with seeing the rest. They are staying in the palace with an extravagant suite of rooms. No matter how beautiful those rooms are she is ready for a change.

Ben would be back soon, usually returning once dusk hits. Already she can sense him forming a schedule as he’s been busy conferring with the Royal Advisory Counsel placing a bid for Governor. Two days and he has them under a spell. The Force may have helped, but somehow, they have seen the change in him. Naboo are a trusting people.

Feeling his arm snake around her waist she smiles at him over her shoulder. His hand cups her belly as she places her hands over his. His breath reaches beneath her ear as he places a kiss there.

“What do you think so far?”

“From here, it’s beautiful,” she replies glumly. “When will I get to explore? We must be safe here if you are willing to leave me here alone.”

“They have accepted my bid for Governor, so soon.”

“I don’t understand why you can’t be elected king.”

Sighing, he pulls her by the hand back into their suite of rooms, this balcony in particular is in their bedroom. “They tend to favor young women, but Governor would be adequate for the situation. You have to remember there will also be the Jedi Counsel once we reestablish. We will both be very busy.”

It’s the expression he wears that keeps her from pushing the topic. Elated from his progress, he has a glow unusual to himself. Things are going too smoothly. She wonders if there isn’t something beyond the horizon that is going to shatter all of his ideas. But as of now, word has spread from their little island that Kylo Ren is no more. It makes her curious how people see him with him about to be a family man, baby on the way.

Do they see all the lives he’s cut short? Because she still does. Not that she wants to, but she remembers all that he has done. Accepting him after all he has done is an ongoing past time of hers. Understanding who he is only because she can see it in him, actually see inside him to see it. How does everyone else see it? Is he that savvy with his words, is it the credits? Something about him compels the people here to cast off his past and give him a chance at the highest rank on the counsel. Hoping it’s not a setup, but she can’t seem to find any ill will in the energy on this planet. He was likely right, she will love it here just as she loves her island.

“Rey?” his voice registers. “Are you alright? You seem spacey. I thought I was the neurotic one.”

“Sorry.”

Somehow she has spaced off, long enough for him to get into bed, while she has sat on the end of it considering all the ways this could go wrong. Turning to look at him, she blushes. He _is_ usually the neurotic one. She drops her gown to the ground before seeing the irked expression on his face. She bends to the best of her ability to pick it up, hanging it over a hook beside their bed.

“Better?”

“Just get in bed, that was painful to watch,” he laughs.

“Oh you should try it some time, it’s awfully fun to figure out which way my body will go now.”

Strong arms pull her in close. Pressing her face to his chest she throws an arm and a leg over him, cradling herself against him, almost. Her belly is a bit of an obstacle. Eventually, she won’t be able to reach around him at all. He is so much larger than her anyway, but her baby bump is already making it difficult.

“Are you even comfortable?”

“Not really, but I won’t be able to do this before long.”

“Roll over,” he demands. Securing himself against her from behind once she manages to switch to her other side. “I like this position better anyway,” he says, his breath warming the back of her neck.

Warm lips brush against her skin next. A shudder rolls through her, the sensation of his lips tracing light kisses from her hairline to her shoulder before he bites her on the neck. Another shudder rolls through her, then another when he begins sucking on the sensitive spot below her ear. Distracting her with his mouth she jumps when his hand cups her breast, squeezing lightly before tracing it around her nipple, pulling it to it’s peak.

“Sorry, I thought you were expecting that.”

“Shut up,” she commands.

His mouth vibrates on her neck as he chuckles, returning to the spot she loves him to suck on so much. Reaching around her he pinches and rolls her other nipple until it stands at attention. “I love touching you.”

“Everything is so much more sensitive now, touch away.”

She leans back against him as his hand lingers between teasing her nipples and his mouth suckles the sweet spot on her neck. Body quivering against him, she can tell she’s ready for him, but her body won’t give him a chance to get there as her body responds too favorably to his touch.

“Did you just-”

“Uh hmm. I told you everything is more sensitive now.”

Before she can protest he moves away from her. Pulling her onto her back he climbs over her body spreading her legs as he slips down the bed, his mouth finds it’s way to her outer labia. Her eyes roll back into her head as his hands wrap beneath her hips pulling her flush against his mouth. Delicately he moves his tongue into her depths, sucking out the moisture she’s acquired from her orgasm.

“You taste so much sweeter being pregnant. I might have to keep you that way.”

“Pregnant?”

“Yup.”

“Why are you talking right now?” she asks, ringing her fingers into his hair to pull his mouth back to where it belongs for the moment.

Dipping his tongue into her as deep as it will go he uses his thumb to circle her clit. Moving his tongue in and out of her tasting every bit of her he can retrieve, she pushes her pelvis upwards for more pressure. This is one of her favorite things for them to do, having his large warm lips pressed to her as his tongue moves inside, his hand working her sensitive nub. When he sucks on any part of her down there, it frenzies her need to orgasm, the suction of his lips around her clit as she climaxes is the most intense orgasms she has.

“Good?” he asks, looking up at her hungrily.

Exhausted, she nods at him as he climbs back over her. Giggling at him as he blows raspberries on her belly along the way. “You’re crazy.”

Without a response he lines himself to her entrance and shoves his way in fast and deep hitting her at her end. She caresses his arms as he thrusts into her nearly frantic. She loves the way his face squints up when he focuses on cumming. Tonight he feels different, more intense, harder. His thrusts the same added intensity. Maybe her pregnancy really does turn him on more. He has a groan stuck in his throat as he builds friction within her, urgency seeping from him along with the sweat from his brow.

“Ben, I want you to cum,” she urges him and thrusting herself up at in him in time with his hips. “I love it when you cum in me and how it drips down the inside of my thighs after.” She isn’t entirely honest, truthfully, it’s a little gross, but an exchange she is willing to take for him making her feel amazing.

Forcing himself not to collapse over her belly, he keeps himself propped up with hands on each side of her as he cums with a few staggered strokes. She giggles at the way he looks at her when he rolls over to her side. She can see a flush in his cheeks.

“The mouth on you.” He wipes the sweat off his forehead with the back of his arm.

It has become something she does when he is so bent on fucking her, he can’t make himself cum as easily. Dirty words drive him mad in more ways than one, but especially when she reserves them for rare moments so they take him by surprise. Watching his chest rise and fall as he catches his breath, she throws her leg over his to fulfill her need to touch him. His hand instinctively reaching down to rub her thigh.

“I am definitely going to have to keep you pregnant.”

“I don’t have a say?”

She’s aware he’s being sarcastic, but she wouldn’t put it past him to actually consider. Even without his alter ego, he can still be a bit demanding. Ben falls asleep almost immediately. She pulls her leg away from him so she doesn’t disturb him. Dressing in her nightgown and robe she uses his exhaustion as an opportunity. Opening the door to their suite she steps out into the airy hallway.

“Princess?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Do you need something princess?”

“Um, me?”

She looks around thinking the guard isn’t possibly speaking to her directly.

_Princess?_

Then she remembers where she is, and who she is married to. Smiling, she shakes her head looking down the other side of the hallway, another guard is posted there as well.

“You can just call me Rey, I’m not really a princess,” she explains to the first guard who has no immediate change in expression.

He nods to her. “Of course, princess Rey, will do.”

“Night.”

Stepping back into the suite she leans her back against the door. Having a difficult time catching her breath her hands begin shaking. She only made it two days without having to face the reality she knew was coming, but hearing the title actually spoken to her is completely different. It’s like trying to shove a square through a round hole. It will never fit. Princess, future wife to a Governor. It’s all it takes for the doubt of her survival here to sink in. Never imagining she could miss Jakku, she can’t stop asking herself how she has managed to marry a prince and move into a palace.


	15. Rags to Riches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a minute to decide how to transition Rey in her new environment. Clearly, not needing the extravagant life, she does manage to squeeze a little joy from the experience.

When did morning come? Feeling Ben lift her, she opens her eyes to being carried to the bedroom and placed in her new over-sized bed. Kissing her forehead, he pulls the covers over her. She had fallen asleep on the couch, it starts making sense why he is smirking at her. Rolling over, she settles into her smooth warm sheets.

“Do you prefer the couch over this bed with me?”

She stares at the wall instead of acknowledging him. “I just needed a change, so I tried to go for a walk. Only... you have guards posted at the door and they stopped me.”

“You slept on the couch because you were mad that they stopped you?”

“No, they called me princess,” she mumbles.

Ben bursts out laughing.

“It isn’t funny,” she retorts. “I’m not a princess! It is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.”

Ben kneels on the floor before her, resting his arms on the edge of the bed. “Is it though? Look where you are Rey. You have guards outside because you _are_ that special. Why is that so hard to believe?”

Throwing herself into her pillow to bury her face instead of answering, she ignores him.

“My mother originates from the House of Organa, my grandmother was the Queen of Naboo, my grandfather a Sith Lord, and my uncle a Skywalker Jedi. You married me and that makes you a bloody princess, get over it Rey. You don’t have to change who you are to have a title. I never expected you would anyway. Even without all of the royalties that you married into, you have the Force, and that has always been all you. It isn’t who you are, it’s a title, it only marks how far you have come since your time on Jakku. You don’t have to be ashamed of your life there either. Please for me, try to enjoy it here. There are so many wonderful things you can partake in.”

Removing her face from the pillow to observe the worried look on his face. “Fine.”

“Good, now that, that is taken care of you have a visitor today. Also, you requested new clothing.” He gives her another smirk before leaving.

It’s early morning and Ben is due at the council. Another day without him. Sighing, she pulls herself from bed to get herself ready to go for the day. The water sprays down over her body, running around the sides of her belly as it protrudes in front of her. Staring at the way her skin stretches awkwardly, she sees a small ripple. Immediately placing her hand on the spot, she feels it again. It’s the first time she has felt the baby and Ben isn’t anywhere near to share it with.

_Princess, my ass._

If she is so damn special why can’t she leave her own suite of rooms, or spend more than the evening with her husband? Wrapped in a towel and studying her face in the steamy mirror, she hears a female voice calling her name from her bedroom. She hears Rose’s voice calling her.

Running across the room still in her towel she grabs Rose into a hug. She isn’t even sure if she is all that excited to see Rose, or the familiar face in general. Rose taken by surprise hugs her back before stepping away to wipe the excess water off herself.

“Sorry, I have been pent up in here for awhile. What’s it like outside. I can only see from the balcony.” Rambling, Rey stands before Rose with her towel held around her in one hand.

“Why don’t you finish drying off. I’ll tell you about it when you’re ready.”

Rey joins Rose in the sitting room her typical tray of food already set on the coffee table with her juice poured and waiting. Taking a seat next to her on the couch she offers her anything she would like as she gets herself a plate together to nibble on while they chat.

“Quite the spread you have here,” Rose says, grabbing a small plate for herself.

“I know, it’s obnoxious.”

“Are you not liking it here?”

Rey sighs, “I’m not used to all of it. Hey, you said you were going to tell me what it is like outside.”

Rose tells her how nice all the people are. How pretty everything is from the landscape to the buildings and the clothing, even the food. Even explains how Poe and Finn are both there, but unwilling to meet with her, for now. Currently, they are in with the council, where Ben is.

“Is he safe?”

“Yes. The Naboo have accepted him, so the Resistance has agreed to give him a chance.”

Rey lets out a breath. “Really?”

Rose nods. “Yeah. Can you imagine what it is like in there? How are things with him? Is he still doing better?”

Rey smiles at thinking about him. “Usually great. It’s been a rough few days with him working with the council, but he’s so attentive Rose. He puts my needs first with the exception of being here and him trying to save the galaxy all of a sudden. He wants to restart the Jedi Order on top of rebuilding the council here and ultimately the Senate.”

“You don’t like it here, do you?”

“I promised to give it a try. It is such an adjustment to have people calling me princess. It’s weird. How are things with everyone?”

“I’d say fair weathered for now. Finn and Poe are cautious about you and Ben, and you can add me to that list now, but I convinced the Resistance to let us three come as agreed to visit with Ben and the council. As you can see I am here and not with the council. They didn’t want me.” Rose’s shoulders drop in defeat. “It’s fine, really. Princess?”

A knock interrupts their breakfast. Rey nods at Rose’s question as she gets up to answer the door. A woman dressed in a flamboyant gown flows through the door greeting her with a ‘good morning, Princess Rey,’ while Rey gives Rose a _told you so_ look. Right behind the woman two women in common robes walk in with tall chests on wheels.

“Where shall we set up?” the woman asks.

“Who are you?”

“Your dresser, you may call me Skylah. Is the bedroom good for you?” She waves the two women behind her to follow her into the bedroom, not waiting for an answer.

Rey and Rose follow behind. The two women open the chests and start popping out different hidden parts and pieces until a makeshift wardrobe unfolds before them. Decadent with intricately crafted dresses hand touched with beads and baubles Rey has never even seen before. They then pull out some drawers that pop up into tables with jewelry and hair adornments inside.

“What do you like?” Skylah asks, watching Rey standing there confused on how to even begin. “Start with a style or color, anything that stands out?”

“I like light and flowing. Ankle length? Lighter colors are best. That lilac one with the ribbons lacing it is a good example, maybe?”

“Chin up, shoulders back.” Skylah holds the lilac one up to her and gives her a nod. “I can make this work. Measurements,” she says to one of the women while still eyeing Rey. “What else?”

“I like the mossy green?”

“You’re a princess now darling, speak with a bit more confidence. You like it or you don’t. Don’t complicate it asking for opinions you don’t need. I have done the hard work. Everything here is perfectly acceptable and approved by your husband or anyone else of stature here.”

“He’s seen these?”

“Only a few suggestions. Nothing more. So yes or no?”

Skylah’s impatience makes Rey nervous forcing her to bite her lip and really dig into what was being offered. Rose gives her thumbs up and downs to help her pick and choose her way through it all. Matching accessories with a few well picked outfits, she realizes all she has are dresses and gowns, nothing for night time or for casual wear.

“Are there options for any other kinds of clothing? Pants maybe or something for bed?” Rey asks quietly.

“Taken care of. I will have these up in awhile. Until then my maiden will help you with your hair.”

Rey’s jaw drops as she looks at Rose for help.

“Is that necessary?” Rose asks and Skylah snaps her fingers in the air as the suggested maiden gets the hair things ready. “Guess so.”

The maiden sets Rey down in a chair and begins pulling a comb through her hair. Twisting it this way and that way until it is all rolled on top of her head. Rose snickers at her when the maiden leaves for a few minutes.

“It’s terrible right?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty bad,” Rose giggles, “the good news is she isn’t finished.

It takes her a couple of hours to get her hair prepared. She hasn’t seen it yet, but it feels very different on her scalp, weighted and bouncy at the same time. Taking a confident breath she looks in the full length mirror near the refresher door.

“This certainly doesn’t fit the outfit does it?”

“Milady, your dress arrived a few moments ago, would you like assistance?” the maiden asks.

“It’s probably best,” Rey agrees.

Another look in the mirror and Rey doesn’t even recognize herself. The long lilac gown pushes her bust up and is kept up by thick silver ribbons crossing around her rib cage above her round belly. The skirt half poofs out like a delicate cloud swaying with ease, no matter her movement. Her hair, is pulled up into a tight top bun, with flowing curls draping over her bare shoulders. Gulping she can see all the muscles work themselves along the way making her feel very exposed.

“Rose?” she says, turning to find her friend a little awed by her.

“Beautiful, can I go next?”

“Can she?” she asks the maiden.

The maiden smiles for the first time. “Mistress Skylah has sent an appropriate dress for you for dinner.” She gestures to the other room, and follows Rose out to show her.

_Princess Rey, I can almost see it. Ben is going to flip. Dinner?_

Joining the others in the common room, “Wait dinner?”

“Yes, Milady, for the new Governor.”

***

Rey and Rose are escorted by the guards through the long open corridors of the palace to where the dinner is being held. Two large intricate doors stand between them and a room clearly humming with many voices and activity. Rey grabs Rose’s hand as the guards grab the handles on the door swinging them out, opening like a picture window of another universe. As the eyes around the room acknowledge their sudden appearance, Rey feels a chill cross her skin, especially her cleavage which suddenly feels on display.

With a fake smile on her face she whispers to Rose, “I can’t do this, this is ridiculous.”

“For the galaxy Rey. For peace,” Rose squeezes her hand. “You can do this. Everything else is just icing on a cake, pretty to look at.”

Unaware of it at first, her feet have been carrying her inside the room against her better judgment. She can’t turn back now if she wanted to. Searching past all the curious eyes, she seeks Ben out, finding him dressed in all black, but less aggressive in appearance than his past clothing. With Rose in tow, she beelines straight for him. His arm wraps around her shoulders as he finishes his conversation.

“My wife, Rey,” he introduces her to members of the council she has no intent on remembering by name, “and her associate, Rose.”

A few greetings fall between them as she squeezes Rose’s hand still wrapped in hers. She realizes quickly, the way everyone acknowledges her that she will be nothing more than an ornament on his arm tonight. None of them know her as much more than his wife, not the near Jedi she is, or mother to be. Even if they see her belly, they only see a pregnant woman. She will have to find a way to make her place here if he intends to keep her.

“Rey, you’re hurting me,” Rose, whispers pulling her fingers from her.

She gives her an apologetic glance, before Rose crosses the room to find a couple of familiar faces that have no need to visit with her. Cordially, she smiles at them when they look up at her, Rose pointing her out. They have nondescript faces, nothing to judge their thoughts by, too far away to read with a room full of people. Feeling herself pulled by the arm, she follows Ben as he pulls her out to a secluded balcony just outside the dining hall.

“Are you feeling alright? You are super pale,” he asks, and finally, she really sees his face. The worry etched in his eyes.

Swallowing roughly, she gives him a nod. “Yes, just very nervous.”

“I know, it’s more than intimidating in there right now, but just a dinner.”

“To celebrate the new Governor?”

“Yes. Have you seen yourself? You look so different, in a good way. But if I didn’t know to look for the baby belly, I would have looked past you easily,” he says, pulling on one of her long tendrils of hair. “Wow, I’m not sure I like it as much,” he says softly.

She lets out the breath she didn’t realize she had been holding, “Oh thank the stars. This was an interesting experiment, but no.”

He lets out a chuckle, “maybe not so much with the hair. The dress isn’t that bad, better on the floor later,” he whispers in her ear as he links his arm back with her to guide her inside to sit down for the meal about to be served.

***

Ben hurriedly drags her as fast as she can keep up down the corridor to their rooms. The guards open the doors from the outside and he swings her into his arms to carry her through. Kicking his shoes off as they go, he sets her down on the bed. He yanks his shirt over his head.

“For this to work you might want to take off your clothes.”

Pink cheeked, she answers, “I don’t know how, a maiden dressed me.”

He busts out laughing, “Oh for fuck’s sake Rey. Come here.”

Pulling the ribbon loose first, he then looks for another way her dress is attached. It isn’t really designed to just pull over her head, though they both wish it was. She laughs as he spins her around.

“I think they are in the back, I’m guessing hidden.”

He groans when he finds the line of hidden tiny hook and eye latches. “Did she know you would need to get undressed at some point in the next year?”

“Guess not,” she replies, enjoying the sound of his flustered voice. This being the most attentive he has been in days. She will gladly accept anything that draws it out.

“How fond of this dress are you?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know, why?”

The ripping of the delicate material answers her question. He spins her around and pulls her face to his as the dress falls to her feet. Her cheeks warm by the touch of his palms. The sweetness of it only lasts momentarily until he plunges his tongue into her mouth seeking a deeper connection. Reciprocating, she slings her arms around his neck and lets her head fall to the side making everything more fluid. She feels him working his pants loose, her body flush against his, his erection greets her greedily pressing against her skin.

She is already panting when he pulls away and slides down to his knees before her, tracing his mouth the entire way, stopping momentarily at each breast to tease her nipples. His arms grip around her pulling her belly against his face, where he lets his tongue dip into her belly button. She slips her fingers in the lacy sides of her panties and pushes them down. He finishes removing them for her, taking no time in sinking two digits into her. Grabbing his shoulders for support his face disappears beneath her belly, his tongue greeting her sensitive nub.

Knees buckling, he supports her with his arms as he moves her to the bed. She lets him pull her to the edge for access. The feel of his tongue gracing her clit over and over, has her writing. Loving how she can feel herself growing more eager.

“Ben, I need you,” she says earnestly, pulling on his hair.

She scoots back in the bed while her crawls to her, looking at her like she is his prey. “Yes, my love.”

Slinging her over to her side, he cradles her to him forcing a gasp from her as he roughly enters her from behind. She wraps her hand around his as he palms her breast, feeling her heartbeat. She pushes her hips against his staggering thrusts, pushing him to cum inside of her. His grip tightens around her breast when he does. Leaving her with an aching pulse inside.

Reaching her hand down while she still has him inside she helps herself along. His hand teases her nipple as his mouth presses to the back of her neck sucking softly.

“Rey,” he whispers in her ear, “I can feel the inside of you pulsing around me, I know you are so close, and if you’re a good girl and cum for me, I’ll fuck you again.”

Feeling him becoming hard again, she forces herself into an orgasm.

“That’s my girl.”


	16. Divided

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has premonitions that are haunting her as she nears the birth of their baby, while Ben is too wrapped up in his big plans to see she was right.

Ben has managed to make everything an easy transition, for him. Rey doesn’t believe anything is ever as easy as it appears, but she has no luck in convincing him of that. She often has a difficult time falling asleep between her thoughts on Ben’s acceptance there on Naboo and being almost full term. She finds herself walking the halls, if you can call her waddle that, listening in on the quiet voices as if in search for the answer to what has her so unsettled. Ben reminds her she is just having fluxes of doubt because the baby is almost here. It’s normal to feel so weird about things especially, the first time around, but yet, there are things that should be natural that do not occur to her here. Such as nesting. She should be making every effort to prepare their suite for their new arrival. She could care less somehow. It’s clean enough and supplies have all been provided, so her interest in it has waned immensely.

Any day now, he keeps telling her, and all of her current concerns will fade and be replaced with concerns better utilized for having a living being in their care. He’s too happy here he doesn’t see what she sees as the little wife on his arm. The looks, the stares, the doubts. He may have been accepted quickly and he might actually being doing quite a bit of good thus far, but a woman’s intuition should never be questioned. Add a child to the mix, and second doubting her can be a dangerous step.

At first she tried to convince herself it wasn’t what she was feeling, it was just the deeply rooted awareness of who Ben once was that didn’t seem to go away. Accepted or not she knows how hard it is to forget a past like his, but she wasn’t sure if it was her unable to forget or not. If it weren’t for saving her life, she wouldn’t be here. She was the fortunate one who could always see the light in the dark within him, the only one capable of pulling it to the forefront of who he is. His ego came with it though, and sadly, even though she feels they are safe for the time being, she doubts that is going to last forever. She has always had her doubts, but they never bothered her until they moved here. Her island was safe, safer than here. They were around people who didn’t doubt them, they were the only ones who had forgiven him, because many were much weaker versions of him. All of them needing to start over. There was a bond between them, but not here. Naboo, as beautiful as it is and as enjoyable as it is to buy into it’s offerings, it isn’t home. Not to her.

Rose feels it too, but also cannot place what the feeling is. They discuss it on their walks through the grounds. Sometimes while having a picnic next to the pond below her balcony, others while they search the market for goods they haven’t found elsewhere. Fond of her newfound _real_ friendship with Rose, the tedium living on Naboo is a killer. If she were to be bored, she prefers places like her own island. The one she had no idea Ben had purchased for her. Having someone to confide in helps to pass the time otherwise. More recently, she has had a hard time even leaving her rooms. Heavy and struggling to move, she feels more comfortable inside where it is a little more cool. Everything she needs in close proximity, minus one adoring husband.

Ben arrives home to find her splayed in her underwear on their bed with the windows opens letting in the cool evening air. “Evening ladies,” he greets her and their unborn child, a wide smile always at play on his face when he firsts sees her.

She gives him her famous look of annoyance she has perfected over the last month. “Good day?”

“Yes, why are you still having bad feelings? It’s the hormones,” he teases, acting like he has been possessed by a zombie.

She shakes her head, “I’m telling you something isn’t right and don’t make fun of my feelings. Definitely not the ones out of my control.”

“I know. Once the baby arrives it will all be alright. We are both anxious.”

“I am, but I don’t believe that is the answer to explain this feeling. Rose feels it too,” she says, sitting up to watch him as he strips down for bed, missing the way he feels when he touches her intimately. So close to the end their doctor has asked them to refrain to help her reach full term.

Sliding in bed he takes her worried face in his palms and kisses her gently. “Stop worrying.”

“Ben, I know something is on the horizon, and if you want to remain in denial that is fine. But I need you to remember something.”

“What would that be?”

“You are the one I trust. I don’t know if a time will come that you will have to remember it, but I need you to. For me, even if you really believe this is all just pregnancy hormones and doubt.”

His lips seal to hers, “I’ll remember. Things are really changing though Rey, conversations have begun to reinstate the Senate, it’s all in the works.”

She nods at him, “That’s great. I hope you are right.”

His hands sweep around her body, focusing on her belly, so large she looks like she shouldn’t be able to stand up at all without falling forward. “I miss being with you.”

“I know, but after a couple months we’ll be back to normal.”

“Not just the sex, Rey, just spending time with you. Being able to hold you like this.”

His voice is sad, she misses it too. If only he would drop his guard long enough to see what he was thinking these days, how he is processing it all. Maybe then she could find a way to make him understand all of her concerns aren’t imaginary. She has always had to pay close attention to these kind of feelings. Living in the desert alone will teach one to stay on their toes in order to protect themselves.

“You could listen to me and we could run away together and forget all of this. You’ve given them a good start, they can take care of the rest.”

Nuzzling against her neck he sighs, “I think about it sometimes. Maybe we’ll go visit your island with the baby after she arrives.”

“Ben, please, can we just go now?” She nearly pleads to him, but it won’t make a difference. He is stubborn and convinced she is overreacting.

“You’re better to stay here with the access to the care you need. She might need something we can’t give her there.”

Rey nests herself against his chest within his protective embrace. “If you insist, just remember I only trust you.”

***

Rose holds Rey’s hand, wiping the sweat from her brow. “You’re doing great,” she assures her.

Rey felt the pain overnight, but she disregarded it at the time thinking it was much like the contractions from her body practicing. Her water breaking on the way to the refresher long after Ben had left for the day was the indication she needed to call Rose in, who in turn brought the medics.

Rushing her to a sanitized room for the delivery, she almost misses the sounds of blasters going off in the distance. Shutting them out with each new contraction. His saber, that distinctive sound, that’s what sets her skin crawling. The moment she hears that, the pain became too much and darkness surrounds her.

When she awakens, Rose has her hand. She is telling her how well she is doing and how soon the baby will arrive. It’s hard to look at her, and the droid delivering the baby even more difficult to perceive. She grinds her teeth over a scream with the next contraction. He should be here. He isn’t supposed to miss this. He had spoken so dearly to her about wanting to watch her come into this world.

“Where is Ben?” she questions Rose, her breath shaky.

Rose shakes her head, as tears rim her lower lids. “I don’t know. I chose to stay with you.”

“Aggghhh,” she pants, “what does that mean? I heard blasters and-”

Rose doesn’t need special powers to read the worry on Rey’s face. She knew it wasn’t right when she’d found out about it, but the only thing in her power is keeping Rey comfortable. Protecting what she will have left once it is over.

“Please Rey, focus on the baby. She is almost here.” Rose begs her, a futile battle. “Keep pushing Rey, she’s almost ready.”

It’s too difficult to pay attention to Rose, yet impossible to ignore as her daughter pushes to be freed from her body. Her chest is heaving more from panic than pain, but combined this is the worse moment of her life. The idea of her baby being born and Ben isn’t here. She knows that was his saber, the one she had relinquished to him because it belongs in his family.

_Don’t let it consume him again!_

She can’t even touch on the Force to investigate in her condition. Between Rose and the baby and med droid, she is drained. Incapable of looking at Rose she looks at the wall and sheds her tears as she listens to how she is to give birth to their daughter. Pushing when told, resting in between, until the baby gurgles and begins to cry, her belly so empty, her heart right there with it.

“Rey, do you want to see her?” Rose asks.

Turning to her, arms open she takes her baby admiring her dark curly whisps of hair and blue eyes. Too difficult to say who she will resemble yet. Only recognizing she is beautiful, and soon is pulled from her arms to be cleaned.

“Where are you taking her?” Rey demands, and the maidens that had come to retrieve her leave wordlessly. “Rose?”

“She needs to be cleaned,” Rose says simply, returning to wipe the sweat from Rey’s forehead as the med droid finishes with Rey. “You are going to need to rest now. That must have taking a lot from you.”

Rey nods, not because she feels tired or that she believes she should, but because what she can’t see is the blood rushing from her body and her life force once again trying to flee from her. Her eyes close to the sounds of loud beeping and pages being called for blood. Rose is rushed from the room, her voice panicked as she begs to stay.

***

Eyes open to her room, her hands seeking for the baby in her belly. Her belly now soft and flat in comparison to what she remembers. Rose is sleeping in a chair in the corner, hair not brushed and clothes unkempt.

_How many days has it been?_

Connected to an IV, she rips it from the top of her hand holding pressure to the spot to stop the bleeding as she tries to step from the bed. Her knees are weak, and she has to catch herself on the side. Ben isn’t here. She doesn’t see his things, nor does she feel his energy.

_How much time has passed?_

Stumbling across the room, hand pressed to her empty belly, she uses the other to brace on anything that gets her out the door and to the exterior door to the corridor. It’s as far as she makes it, when Rose grabs her arm and helps her to the couch. Rey glares at her for interfering.

“You can’t leave,” Rose explains softly.

“I have to, where are they Rose, my family. I need them,” Rey isn’t holding back, but with her lacking energy, she doesn’t sound much like she is yelling as loud as she wishes she were.

“I’ll help you to find them, but for now you have to rest.”

Rey glares at her further, “I’m not waiting to rest. I _need_ my family.”

“You are of no use to them if you die again, how many times do you think you can be saved? You are not _that_ special,” Rose says sternly. “Back to bed.”

Rey allows her to help her back to the bed. “Died? Again?”

“You bled out, they almost couldn’t save you,” Rose explains, tucking her in.

“Then where is he? He would be here now. Is he with the baby?”

Rose shakes her head sitting on the edge of the bed. “Rey, the baby is in care of some droids in the nursery.”

“Can I at least see her?”

“No, I haven’t even seen her since she was born.”

“What?”

Rose bites her lip and looks away, “the Naboo have taken her. She is healthy and otherwise happy. At least that is what I have been told.”

“Where is my husband? Where is Ben?” The panic spreads through her, a wildfire set loose in a dry forest.

Rose takes Rey’s hand in hers, “Rey, they imprisoned him.”

“How? How could they even overpower him?”

“They have been preparing your entire stay, gathering supplies to weaken his ability to use the Force. Once you were in labor they overtook him knowing you couldn’t help him.”

A deluge of feelings swarm through her, “I fucking knew it!” she shouts through her tears.

_Why didn’t you listen to me?_


	17. A New Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An enraged Rey spreads her wrath as she pursues Ben and her baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is maybe my favorite part of the story so far, such symmetry. Thanks for all the comments and kudos as always. Makes writing these stories all the more worth it. 
> 
> I also started off my day stirring my drink with my color changing Phasma cereal spoon as my other wares were dirty in the dishwasher. Must have meant it was a good day for SW. :)

“What about me Rose, are they going to throw me in the cell next to his?” Rey fumes from her bed, too weak to get around.

Rose doesn’t know how to answer, she knows that, but her husband has been imprisoned for two weeks and her baby kept from her just as long. Instincts matter, why didn’t she just listen to hers? It would have been too difficult with a baby so close to being born to have run. Logically, she knows that too, but she should have made him understand her fears. They could have stood their ground together. Able to spit fire, she has never been this angry in her life or this helpless.

_Who steals a child?_

She shouldn’t take it out on Rose, she did what she thought was right, and it was to protect her. She thought she could protect the baby too, but the Naboo have basically imprisoned her within the nursery and won’t let her or Rey visit or bring the baby to her. Rose has been locked in with her the entire time she has been recovering and she figures, for now, this is their prison cell.

_How could Ben have been so blindsided, he is far more intelligent than this betrayal?_

Her recovery is taking it’s toll on her patience. With Ben, he could have helped her heal faster. As of recently, med droids are bringing her medications and food and nothing more. It was overnight after such a visit that it dawned on her what was happening. They were keeping her weak on purpose so she wouldn’t be able to tap into the Force. Night after night of attempts and nothing, she realized she was at her weakest after taking the medication provided- always before bedtime.

It is hard to believe that she could be any angrier than she already is, but she is. Angry that Ben could have put her in this much danger so unknowingly, but more angry they had been set up. Rose was not a party to it. It’s why Poe and Finn had avoided Rey the entire time they had been in the city. They have lost hope in her. Rose wasn’t filled in on the plan until just before she went into labor, an attempt to switch her back to their side. Rose chose to trust in Ben. Even then she couldn’t tell Rose of her plan. Rey has been flushing the medications the last couple of days, and now she is just waiting for her energy to return.

“Rey, I don’t know what their plan was, I told you they only told me the night before,” Rose sighs, “I didn’t expect you would go into labor the next day or I would have dug for more.”

“I know it’s not you Rose, I just struggle to believe this is all happening. These people are so disarming, lovely even.”

“You and me both, sister. What is the game plan, I know you have to have one?”

“Rose, I’m not going to involve you. Once I’m recovered I am going to get you on a ship and off this planet. You will return to my island and wait for us. That’s all I will tell you. You don’t want to know the rest. I assure you it isn’t pretty,” Rey explains, not even able to look Rose in the eye her thoughts have churned up such amazing darkness recently. It’s all she has to hold onto at the moment to enable her to get the hell off of Naboo after she finds her husband and daughter.

Love and hate have never been better married.

***

Rey watches as Rose’s ship takes her from the palace hangar while spinning the activated family lightsaber in her hand.

_How dare they think they could hide it. They must not know how it once called to me._

Three weeks post imprisonment, post birth, and one week post medications. There was a thrill of appreciation as she watched Rose’s stunned face when she used to Force to bash the guards heads against the wall outside her door. Maybe it was the way their blood splattered in such an intricate pattern over such lightly colored walls. Or better how it made her crave more.

Deactivating the lightsaber she slides it on her belt beneath her full length black cloak, shaking off the feeling she pulls the hood up and turns towards the palace. Careful her footsteps remain silent, she sneaks through the corridors, an attempt at not harming anyone else. Only a few to get things rolling, because she had no choice. She _had_ to get out of the room.

Observing the bodies of the guards she dropped to get Rose on a ship, she steps over them pausing to find Ben in the Force. It’s weak, but present and that’s all she needs to track him. Coming upon the courtyard, she would have to cross through it or all the way around it. Either way a risk, one too long and one too visible. She has to cross through, it’ll be faster, and her heart has to feel him in her immediate presence to begin to heal.

With the moonlight paving the way she moves across as quickly as she can, only stopping when she hears footsteps. Pausing she places her hand on the saber when she hears another in a short distance behind her activate. She pulls hers and ignites it, spinning it in her hand as she turns to see who has caught her.

“Finn, you can’t stop me, trying will only end badly for you,” she warns him, furious at the saber he holds.

“You are a danger now Rey,” he responds hesitantly.

“You don’t sound so sure.” A grin sneaks upon her lips, her eyes alight beneath the edge of her hood. “That lightsaber, it belongs to me,” she points the saber in her hand towards him.

“Then come and get it.”

She raises her saber spinning it above her head before taking a stance prepared to fight, “so, I will.”

Finn moves in such a way, she knows she has already won. He might be Force sensitive, but he is not studied the way she is, having time between Leia and Ben, she has learned a few tricks that Finn would need years to absorb.

“Why are you so afraid of me, I saved your life once?” she questions.

“I’m not afraid,” he states, his voice betraying his words.

“Forget who you are speaking to, Finn? I can read your mind.”

She laughs before charging at him, sparks ignite between them as the clashing noise echoes across the courtyard. Hit after hit until he steps back to catch a breath. She continues to circle him, while keeping her saber moving in fluid circles at her side, waiting for him to be ready.

“Tired so soon? Can we be done now or will I need to see your blood all over this beautiful courtyard first?” Her words designed to intimidate do exactly as she desires as she watches him step back once more.

Dancing her saber from hand to hand, part of forms Finn would have never seen her learn, she forces him back against a pillar. With the saber to his throat he drops the one he is holding, it deactivates as it hits the ground. Rey immediately calls it to her, hooking it on her belt.

“I am not here to kill you Finn, you were my friend once, but if harm comes to my family, I will take down anyone who stands in between. Make sure they know that if they have any wise ideas on trying to stop me.”

“The Naboo aren’t going to let you leave. They have a cell just like his prepared to keep you from doing anymore harm.”

“They’ll have to catch me first,” she says with a wink before raising her hand to pull his conscious energy away. He tumbles to the ground instantly.

Deactivating her saber she looks around to see if anyone else was near. Finn must have been following her, because he is the only one she senses. It makes it easy to disappear into the shadows trailing down the corridors dropping guard after guard that tries to stop her. It’s not even an effort. They are so weak, so easy to read, and she is always a few steps ahead of them. Fueled by the ease of it all, she strolls confidently down the stairwells and corridors until she comes to the end.

Before her, in a row five men wide, guards stand before a very curious looking door. She drops her hood glaring happily enraged at them. “Gentlemen, shall we?” She grins as she pulls each of the sabers out, activating them.

Fear flickers across their faces, but they don’t dare flinch as they watch the eerie glow spread over her, red on one side, blue on the other. Trick upon trick she shows them how fast and decisive she is with them in hand. Instead of running they pull out blasters in a vain attempt to thwart her. Deflecting the blasts ricocheting them back to those who fired, leaving one guard standing.

“And you?” she asks, pulling her hood back up.

The guard drops his blaster and runs, she doesn’t pursue. Staring down the door, clearly designed to limit the Force from penetrating it, she laughs to herself. They didn’t think this through. Thrusting the sabers deep into the metal, she draws them around in a large circle until they meet. The other side is a set of bars, but this one is a snap as she opens it with the flick of her hand.

His energy grows stronger now that the doors are open. Stepping through she has to pass down yet another long corridor until she passes one cell that is empty, hers, and the other. One guard left, sitting across from the bars that hold her love inside.

***

For the first time in weeks, he feels a touch of the Force. A new sensation from it, completely new. Unfamiliar with it, he has no idea what to expect, but a cloaked body steps into view. He watches as the guard stands and prepares to fight, but then he watches as two sabers ignite and find the guard's neck crossed in an X, one move and the guard collapses headless to the ground.

Watching the blood puddle beneath the body of the guard he sees the feet step before the bars. Hood drawn and fully cloaked all he can tell is the person isn’t very large. As if trapped in the longest stretching minute, he watches as the sabers he suddenly recognizes deactivate, and two small hands drop the hood. Eyes glued to hers, all he sees is the red anger churning beneath the surface of her hazel eyes.

“Rey?” he whispers, taking in her choice in darker clothing, the cloak. But it’s her face that bothers him. Stern anger radiates from her. “Oh, baby,” he says remorsefully. Thinking he had made all the right choices, clearly the woman before him is not the one he fell in love with. Not that, that diminishes his love for her, but he drove her here.

_Fuck._

She drops her head curiously to the side, “Darling?”

When she greets him, literal chills skim down his spine. Stepping back he allows her to Force the door open, something he had been too weak to do, even though they hadn’t tampered with his strength. Clicking his tongue he steps out grabbing her by the hand, taking one last look at the guard’s body. When they get to the end of the corridor and prepare to head up the stairs that will lead them back into the courtyard she stops and drops his hand.

“Choose your weapon,” she offers him a choice between his old saber or the Skywalker one.

Wondering why she would even ask, expecting she would just hand over his old one, that he thought was gone to begin with. Reluctantly, he reaches for the blue one. “You will get more out of that one in this state,” he tells her with his voice low.

He is met with a grin, “Let’s go get our daughter.”

He grabs her arm, “You don’t have her?”

“They stole her as soon as she was born,” she explains.

The flicker behind her eyes is all the explanation he’ll ever need for her current state. A state of nature he had never wanted her to possess, not even when he was still known as Kylo. Following her through the courtyard into another part of the palace, one she has already passed through by the looks of the bodies laying around.

“How many have you...”

“Only the ones who stood in between me and you, and now whoever will try to keep me from my baby.”

_Fuck._

He has been where she is, consumed. Every kill consumed him more, the power, the greed, it bled into his soul like a thick black liquid that couldn’t be scrubbed clean again. Every body is another mark against hers and there is nothing he can do to stop it. Not right now, not with her in desperate hunt over her child.

Incapable of doing anything but supporting her in her motives, he follows her through the palace as she hones in on their daughter. Amused only that she was able to let some go, only the ones who were smart enough to run first though. Maybe she isn’t as consumed as he thought. She has surpassed him in the use of the Force, that much is clear to him. It’s possible she is only tapping into this side to secure her needs. Hoping that is the case, he continues to step over each body she has downed, knowing they will still count against her. He only helps her with two and only because she was misdirected at another.

_So beautiful._

He would never want to encourage her to stay this way, but something about her so hungry for blood, makes him appreciate her just a bit more than he thought was possible. Here the Naboo thought he was the one to fear. They guessed wrong.

Rey kicks in the nursery door without struggle and destroys the droids with such acrobatic beauty. He leans against the door as he waits for her to gather herself before picking up their baby.

“Rey, lets get her out of here.”

She looks at him her eyes softer, tears upon the rims. She nods incapable of words.

“It’s okay, Rey, you did great,” he assures her, knowing saying anything in return would force her tears to betray her.

Wrapping his arm around her, he guides his family from the wreckage to get them on a ship back home.


	18. Revival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tries to pull Rey from her darkness as they return to Ach-to, Rose in tow. Watching Rey grow through the Force and discovering Rose's secret, things begin to return to a normal he deserves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you for all the wonderful kudos and fantastic comments throughout this story. With all the Reylo love out there this story alone should make it to 5000 hits sometime tonight or tomorrow. Pretty good I think for just starting out on Ao3 a couple months ago. Can't say thank you enough for giving me a shot at entertaining you. I had considered leaving this story here to end it, but then Finn was like, 'but what about me? C'mon you know you can't leave me out, right?' So, I decided I at least had to wrap him up in it somewhere.

Ben wakes in the familiar room he shares with Rey on Ach-to. Her side of the bed empty and cool to the touch. The sun is just barely rising. Not hearing her or feeling her close by, he investigates where she has gone. Finding Rose in the main room rocking the baby, but no Rey, he sighs before he goes to get fully dressed.

“She isn’t here I presume?” he asks only to acknowledge her presence as he passes through to the front door.

“No, she left me with her about an hour ago.”

Ben nods, strutting out the door. They’ve been back only a couple of days, laying low to see if anyone tracks them. The one thing he did right was not tell everyone where it was, but he knows they can’t hide forever. Only Rose so far had figured out where they are, but likely that means Finn and Poe might be close behind, seeing as they were once helping her to track Rey. He isn’t too worried about them for the time being. Having her running off however, does make him nervous, even if he knows exactly where she is.

It’s not very light out as he climbs down the shore side of the hill they live on. Hating that she would even dare come this way in the dark. Hearing her before seeing the red glow of the saber, he finds her in the mix of rock formations taking her energy out in every mastered move she has, poetry in motion. Interrupting her would be pointless, she would only continue against his wishes. He finds a flat rock and perches there until she is breathless and steps away from her circle of destruction, and out of her bubble mentally. Saber still alive in hand, her chest heaving, she admires the pile of rocks around her.

“Nice moves, my love.”

Her determined eyes turn to him glowering. “You never said it felt like this.”

“Like what, Rey? How does one explain it, it’s different for everyone.”

With her on edge he knows to keep his distance. At least until she can control it. But the look in her eyes takes him back. If he hadn’t come as far as he has, he would wish that this was the Rey he met first. Liberated, fierce, she wouldn’t have had this skill set, but he could imagine the joy in teaching her. He still can teach her, probably will have to at this rate. He had hoped when she held her baby, that look she gave him was confirmation the old Rey was back. The last three mornings he has found her missing from their bed, and out here with his old lightsaber reigning in whatever energy she can muster to fuel her anger. The irony isn’t lost on him. Certain she is stronger, he can only hope she evens out.

“I guess I can’t label it either, but I’ve never felt this alive before,” she growls as she brings down another rock formation.

“Sure at first. Then over time it will eat away at you, take away the good you feel and turn it into bitterness and fear, and then when that fear leads your every decision, you’ve lost the battle. Fear is driven by the darkside, Rey. Believe me when I tell you, you are not immune, not with how much you enjoy it. I know you were scared for me and for the baby, but I’m here, you can let it go now.”

She laughs, “I’m not an idiot Ben, I get how it works. It’s just so exhilarating, and this,” she spins his saber in a few intricate swirls, an electrified smile on her face, before deactivating it, “so much better than the other one.”

Approaching her, he stops just an inch or so before her, slipping the saber from her hand and latching it to his belt. “I know it’s powerful, but you know that it only reflects the energy you put into it, right?” He says, sliding his hand to cup her cheek. Not waiting for an answer he presses his lips to hers briefly. “There may have been a time I would have begged you to become this, but you can’t stay this way, it isn’t you.”

Placing her hand over his, closing her eyes at the warmth of his touch, “I know.”

It’s not that easy. He knows how it works. He remembers how quickly he slid into it. How easily he let himself sink. It’s like sinking in quicksand. There is almost no way out. Rey is the only way he managed, now he gets to repay her that favor.

“You have to stop chasing it now. You need to finish healing and stop pushing so kriffin hard. The Force is always here for you, you can learn how to use it this way in better balance. I’ll help you. I don’t want you out here again. It’s too dark and I’m not losing you to an accident because you are too stubborn to listen to me.”

“Ben, I’m sorry I didn’t understand what it was like.”

“You do now, that’s what matters. That and you getting your ass back in bed so that you don’t make yourself sick,” he grins as he smacks her backside before grabbing her hand and leading her safely up the rocky landscape.

Inside the house, Rose holds a fussy baby. Rey responding immediately, taking her baby into her arms and shooing Rose from the rocking chair. Rocking her baby is when Ben sees a version of the old Rey, but also a Rey he never could have imagined, a mother. Mother to his baby, their baby. A healthy, happy baby.

 _I wish you could_ _be_ _here._

He makes the baby a bottle, wishing things could have changed before he lost his family outside of the one he has now. Handing Rey the bottle he pulls over a chair to watch the baby closer, stroking her hair the color of his own. He feels a warmth on his shoulder, like a hand proudly gripping him. Looking up he sees Rey smiling at him, her eyes watery.

“They hear you now,” she says, looking around him.

Glancing around, they are all there, but his father. It hurts, but he knows he isn’t able to return this way, not the way the others can. Luke, Leia, even his grandfather Anakin. They all are smiling down on him and his family.

“Rey, what if we name her Padme Skywalker Solo?”

Rey nods. “I like that, a little bit of them all.”

He leans over and kisses her. When he returns and looks around again, they are gone. “A little bit of all of us. I’m in your soul now, so you are not just a Solo by marriage, but a Skywalker by our Force bond.”

Rey, sheds a tear. “You’re right.” Beginning to rock the baby slowly as she eats from her bottle, Ben watches them admiringly. Always in awe at their creation, not just of the baby, but at their life.

“Who was the blonde guy?” Rose asks from the seat she’d taken across from them on the couch.

“You saw them?” Rey asks.

“Yeah, why is that weird?” Rose replies, nervous something is wrong with her.

Ben and Rey exchange a confused look.

“My grandfather, Anakin, as he appeared before he was Vadar,” Ben explains. “You’ve never trained. Even if you are Force sensitive, you couldn’t have seen them.” Ben and Rey exchange another look.

Rose looks away, her hands fidgeting. “I may have been reading those texts.” She points to the Jedi texts on a bookshelf in the corner. “I’ve had a lot of time on my hands the last few days while you two were sleeping and the baby slept so easily, I read to keep myself occupied.”

“And they made sense to you?” Ben asks.

She nods. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Rey and Ben grin at each other, before looking back at Rose.

“Good,” they say in unison followed with a laugh.

  
  


***

3 Months Later

Ben has exhausted himself working with Rose while trying to reign his darling wife back in from the edge of darkness. It has been cathartic for him being on this side of things. He rather enjoys teaching them, even though Rey is stronger with the Force than he is, she has a lot of fine tuning emotionally to do still, so they are learning together as Rose explains what they can’t quite decipher on their own from the texts. Surprisingly, Rose is relatively talented. She is going to take longer to train he thinks, but he knows they have time as long as they can stay together as they all run, when they do.

Rey has fashioned her own lightsaber, gold in color, with the help of the texts guiding them to a cave where the Kyber crystals are prominent. When Rose is closer to their level they will do the same for her. In the meantime she has been okay practicing with the Skywalker saber, which seems to be the most friendly to different users than the other in their possession. Rey’s saber is particularly keen to her, however.

Some times in the evenings a crowd gathers on their hill to watch their articulate moves as they perform each form coordinated with one another. The sounds of the sabers whirring to life excites the younger of the attendees. That is Ben’s favorite part, watching them starstruck by the beauty of it. He remembers that feeling. Something peaceful happens when they get to do this for the island. Something redeeming. The little bit he can return to the universe. Up until Rey shows off, not for vain reasons, but because between her abilities coming into balance and her new saber, there is something so graceful about the way she moves. It’s like having the ability to make moving water stand still by willing it. Completely magical.

Rose on the other hand does pretty well at keeping up with him, but he also dims himself down so she feels encouraged. Not to mention you never know when one of these younger residents might show their connection with the Force. He wants them to feel like it is something they can actually do if it happens.

Thanking the crowd and shaking a few hands, they begin to disperse. Rose offers them a goodnight following the crowd down the hill to the nearest house at the end, while Ben and Rey move up to their own. Padme is with an elder from the island who excuses herself with compliments to how well behaved their baby is.

Ben fixes a bottle for the baby before joining them at the kitchen table where Rey has her balanced in her arms resting on her crossed legs for support. A habit of running his fingers through her dark curls keeps him close in the chair next to them.

“I saw Luke again,” Ben tells her, “this morning, down off the cliff side he appeared and said something to me, but I couldn’t make it out. I think he was trying to warn me. I started thinking maybe we need to see about moving on?”

“But we’re good here, these are our people. They would fight with us,” she reasons calmly.

He sits back from stroking the baby’s hair, folding his arms over each other across his chest. “Probably, they would. Should they have to though? I just wish I understood what he was trying to tell me. Are you hungry?” He sighs standing up to grab a jacket before heading down to the market before dark.

“Sure, but something small and sweet. Maybe a cake or some pastries?”

He smiles, “Sweets as always, got it.” He pauses for a moment, then turns around. “Cravings?”

“Not yet Ben, we’ll get there. Give it some time. This one deserves our undivided for as long as we can give it.”

They haven’t had a lot of intimate interactions between her recovery and the baby anyhow, but he could always hope. He misses her being pregnant, she was so beautiful, she smelled so amazing, and her skin tasted like candy. Not a stupid man, he knows he can’t rush her, but he sure plans on enjoying it when it does happen. He would be happy just to have his wife to himself for a night, but that isn’t likely on their horizon. Happily in thought of touching her body in inappropriate ways, he nearly misses the man at the bottom of the hill staring up at him.

Pausing about ten feet way from him, “Don’t make me summon my wife, man. She will slaughter you.”

Finn holds his hands up, “I’m not here to cause trouble.”

Ben eyes him suspiciously, hesitant to continue towards him. “Are you alone? Does anyone else know about our location?”

He shakes his head, “No, I found some of Rose’s notes and used them to get here. I was told you were all here, and to check at the top of the hill.”

“So, you are here for Rose?”

“That and I need to talk to you about some things I have been experiencing,” Finn admits his cheeks darkening.

Ben searches his mind, letting out a chuckle. Shaking his head he asks, “do you want to hand me those notes in your pocket?”

Finn drops his head and hands them over.

“Rose is in that one. You two appear to have a lot to catch up on. Tomorrow she can bring you up to visit. I’m glad you didn’t memorize these,” he jokes as he passes him, slapping him across the arm playfully with the papers. “I must go now, my wife requires pastries.”


	19. Breaking Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This moment brings us back to Rey and Ben rebalancing their nature in an erotic way. Ben touches base with the bit of darkness in his soul to show Rey how he manages to keep himself together. He gets a bit pushy and forceful, but it works itself out quickly.

Ben wakes alone in their bed. Checking first on the baby to ensure she is sleeping, he pulls on a shirt and slips on some shoes before heading to the cliff side to see what Rey is up to. At least she waited for enough light this time, but it is her first time back since forcing her to promise not to come in the dark. The breeze catches him off guard in such little clothing this early, but he persists on to find her standing on the ledge of a rock formation hanging out just past the water’s edge, but many feet higher than the water itself. Twirling his lightsaber in her hand as if debating something internally, he watches for a moment, deciding if should intervene or let her figure this one out on her own.

Occasionally, she glances at it, igniting it from time to time, he figures maybe fifteen minutes or so has passed. The baby won’t sleep forever and the datacomm monitoring her room gets a little sketchy on the cliff side. Knowing he should have alerted her he is there, he finds himself face to face with the red blaze of the saber, an eyebrow hitched in curiosity at her.

“Sorry,” she says, looking back out across the water.

Placing his hand on her lower back he stands beside her. “It’s alright, I should have said something sooner. Why are you out here with this dark old saber. I thought we decided to just let it be in the back of the closet?”

“It was once lost in the ocean, I felt like maybe it should be returned. I just can’t let it go. It’s still in there Ben, that dark rage. I’d kill all of those people again if I were pushed hard enough. Or maybe just pushed at all.”

Her voice saddens him. “Rey, it never really goes away. I may have misled you to believe it does, but I haven’t stopped feeling it entirely. Having you around makes it easier to ignore.”

“Having you around makes it harder.”

“What?” he says taking his hand away. “What does that mean?”

She turns to him, giving him a weak smile. “Not what you think it does. We are in this life together until we die, which hopefully is together, because I can’t live without you. Imagine where I would be right now, if you weren’t here? What kind of massacre would I have brought upon that city?”

He smiles. “Then why is it harder?”

Her eyes meet his, a grave look within. “Because I should have been aligned with the dark. You know that, after all that has happened. You can’t deny that.”

“It’s the struggle Rey, you can overcome it.”

“Can I?” she says using the Force to shove him backwards. “Don’t you remember? How you begged me to join you then. I didn’t, because I had Leia and the Resistance, but I don’t have either anymore. So what’s stopping us now?”

Startled, he steps closer to her and grabs the lightsaber, throwing it as far as he can into the ocean. “I’m not going back. That’s what is stopping us now. I do agree we are in this together forever, and I will always remind you, you are better than that fucking nonsense. I don’t care that it’s in you, because it will always be in me, but you cannot give into that way. It will lead you to misery.”

“I’m already there, so tell me Ben, what way do I give into it?” she sounds desperate.

Shaking his head, “I don’t know.”

“How did you do it?”

“Honestly, I don’t think you want to know because it might sour you on it.”

Her eyes light up at him. “You’re still doing it?”

“When it’s possible, yeah. But you’ll forgive me if I don’t respond too favorably to you right now, because it’s been a long time since I was able to really let it all out. So, please can we go back to the house now?”

Rey glances out at the waves. “You know I’ll only call it back someday.”

Ben ignores her and walks away.

“Ben, please tell me how you give into it.” She follows him up to the top of their hill.

He stops as he waits for her to catch up. “What?”

“How do you do it? Maybe it’ll work for me too.”

Contemplating her question he looks her up and down admiring how she is already dressed for the day. He points to the door. “Get in the fucking house Rey.”

“What?” she steps back, confused.

“Do you want to know or not?” he says softly.

Her eyes widen even more confused. “Okay,” she replies walking towards the door. Inside, she looks into the baby’s room, ensuring she is still asleep.

Ben steps behind her one arm wrapping around her waist, the other around her shoulders, pulling her firmly against him, he feels the air escape her lungs in surprise. “Bedroom, now,” he whispers in her ear, her pulse immediately quickening beneath his touch. Not giving her a chance to respond he lifts her suddenly from her feet and carries her into their room before throwing her on the bed. She looks at him with shock and curiosity.

“Ben?”

“Shut the fuck up Rey, or I will make you, do you understand?”

She manages a nod, unsure of his intentions, but not quite afraid of him while she stands on her knees in the middle of the bed.

“Take of your clothes, every thread,” he demands leaving his shoes by the door before pulling his shirt over his head, dropping it haphazardly on the floor. Completely out of character for him.

Rey looks at his shirt in a crumpled mess, and something inside her cringes.

“Now, or I’ll do it for you.”

“Ben? Is this...”

Climbing on the bed he wraps his hand over her mouth. “C’mon Rey, don’t make me ruin your lovely dress I know you are so fond of. His hand reaches beneath its skirt to pinch her on the ass.

Quickly, she scrambles to pull the dress over her head. He only moves his hand when she complies. He can sense her heart pounding, so hard he can practically hear it. She shivers at his touch when he drags his fingers down the outside of her arm. Shoving her forward suddenly she lands palms down on the bed as he full open palm slaps her on her left butt cheek.

“Ow, Ben?”

“Shhhh, it will only hurt a little.” He slaps her again before biting her in the same spot.

“Okay, I get it.”

“No, sweetheart, you don’t,” he tells her. Licking two of his fingers, he shoves them inside of her from behind ruthlessly, the act forcing her forward with a gasp.

She has to scramble to push herself back up, her eyes wincing from the initial friction. “What the ...”

He plunges his fingers in and out of her in an erratic manner, slapping her again with his other hand, before wrapping it around her hip to keep her in place. “You can take this Rey, I’ve done it to you so many times before.”

“This… is… different,” she gasps in between his movements.

“I can sense you baby, I know you like it. You’re also, very very wet. Can’t you feel it running out of you?” he asks her in a dark voice.

She nods, looking over her shoulder at him. “I get your point.”

He grins and viciously shoves his fingers inside of her, burying them as deep as they’ll go. Watching as her eyes pop. “Do you now?”

“Yes, I’m sorry.”

“Not yet you’re not,” he pulls his fingers out and flips her over with ease. Climbing over her he holds his fingers to her mouth. “Taste yourself.” He puts a finger in her mouth as she complies, sucking it clean. “Good, huh?” he grins before cleaning the other. “How do I give into it Rey? I fuck you, I taste you, I envelope you into all of my senses, because when I don’t, I want to punish you for keeping me out, which you have done for the most part for months. I haven’t complained. I have respected your space, and the whole time you have been withholding, you have been demonizing yourself because you found the dark side. I have been here the whole damn time to remind you, that isn’t you, that has always been me. So as you ride the blackened current in your soul, you are forcing me to fight mine, which makes me want to actually hurt you. Fuck you Rey. You have been so selfish,” he rages at her before clearing his throat. “I’m sorry, but you have been.”

He climbs out of the bed and tosses her, her dress before leaving the room. Embarrassed by his own behavior, even if it is embedded in the truth. It isn’t just the sex, it’s the whole exchange of energy they are capable of. He needs her not only carnally, but emotionally. Ultimately, he doesn’t care which side of the line she lands, as long as she stops hyper-focusing on it making a real difference, they will always balance each other out. She just hasn’t seen it that way yet.

Dropping into a chair in the sitting room, he taps a button on his datapad to look into current updates about the galaxy. Catching her from the corner of his eye, he ignores her as she pads quietly into the room, staring at him. He shakes his head at her before looking over his shoulder to find she is standing there unabashed and completely naked. The datapad relaxes from his grip, resting in his lap.

She swallows hard at his disinterest when he picks the datapad back up again. He listens to her as she sits in the chair next to his and waits for him to stop ignoring her. He keeps his interest undivided on the incoming news from the area.

“I am sorry I have been so disconnected from us, but you should have told me all of this sooner.”

“You’re right,” he says simply, tuning to another channel.

“Are you really this mad at me?”

“What makes you think I’m mad?” he asks easily, his attention still not on her.

“You just… did that to me in there, and then left. I didn’t know I was being selfish. That’s not true, I didn’t realize that it affected you that way.”

He looks up at her then. “It’s not as though its your fault exactly. Sometimes it is good to be selfish, but you blocked me out in as many ways as you could. You made me fend for myself for months fighting my own internal struggles while also managing yours. I can’t make you want me in your life the way I need you to be in mine, but I can sure be pissed that you think I need to be in yours after keeping me out.”

He watches as the tears stream silently down her cheeks, before she wipes them away quickly. “I know.”

“Rey, you have got to get your shit together. We have something good starting here, and I need you just as much as you need me.”

She nods, standing up to walk back into the bedroom. “Okay.”

Watching her walk out trying to hide her tears breaks him down inside. His heart begins to race that maybe he went too far to make his point. Thinking the more he can shock her, the faster he can bring her back from wavering between her normal self, and the new darkness she only recently discovered. She can have both side, he doesn’t care, but she has to have control over it somehow.

He sets the datapad down, taking a moment to think about his next move before he stands up and goes back into their bedroom. Rey is curled up in bed beneath the sheets. “What are you doing? Don’t go getting all depressed,” he says his tone more gentle than before as he climbs across the bed and rolls her on her back so he can see her face as he talks to her.

“I’m not, I’m just thinking about what you’ve said,” she says, looking at him blankly.

“And listening to the shit I said to hurt you. Rey, I love you. I don’t want you to feel bad, you couldn’t help it. I could and I needed to know that, but kriff, I miss the feel of you so much.”

Rolling to her side, now face to face. “Does it really make a difference? Does the sex help?”

“The light to rage is passion Rey. Passion is expressed best through physical touch, especially, with someone you love. So yes, it does.”

“But, in the beginning you were so shy.”

“I was nervous. I’m not anymore, as you might have noticed. Are you okay?”

Shrugging off an answer she asks, “Why haven’t you just pushed for it?”

“Because I love you, and I don’t want to be that kind of person. I can wait for sex Rey, it’s just the times when it is more connected, those times are the ones that help the most.”

“It has been a long time since we’ve bonded that deeply,” she says sadly.

Placing his hand on her hip he pulls her closer, pressing his lips to her. Pushing his tongue into her mouth to mingle with hers, she moans into his mouth. Shoving his shorts down one-handed he rolls on top of her. He supports her head with one hand as he uses the other to rub himself against her teasingly. Her hips jerk instinctively against him and he presses himself into her, resting once fully inside her warm core.

“You’re still wet,” he says, his lips never leaving hers.

“I’m still horny,” she responds, he bites her lip at her bluntness.

With her legs wrapped around him anchoring him inside of her so deeply, he struggles to withdraw himself at first. “Rey, lighten up would you?”

“Sorry,” she mumbles against him as he continues to kiss her.

Long and languid thrusts, help to keep him from getting off too fast. It also causes her body to pull him in involuntarily, her hips arching to give him better access. The way she looks at him nearly drives him mad as he feels himself reaching the end of the inside of her. Flipping them over she rests astride him, hands pressed firmly to his chest for balance, he grins up at her as she takes over their pace.

“Fuck your rage out Rey, I’m good for it.”

Taking his direction, she closes her eyes, forcing herself slowly down on him until he reaches the painful spot inside. Biting her bottom lip, she rises and does the same again. Her mind reaches for his. He lets her in to show him the ebb and flow of the rage she’s had and how she intends to expend it on him. Tears begin to stream down her cheeks as she moves faster, forcing her aching nub to press against his body and she clings to him now, incapable of keeping her balance on her hands any longer. He wraps his arms around her while she guides herself senselessly upon him, until she screams as she climaxes on him biting his chest as hard as she can to control the sound. He has a hard time noticing the pain of her teeth sinking into his flesh as her internal grip on him milks him to depletion.

When she pushes herself up, he wipes the tears from her cheeks, feeling himself dwindle inside of her. “Yes, no?”

She gives him a soft smile. “Yes, better,” she agrees, rubbing her fingers over the blood she drew from him, drawing a heart with it on his chest.


	20. A New Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey, Ben, Rose, & Finn move on from their past and look ahead to the change they are now prepared to make, as a family that could not be anticipated.

Watching Ben run through beginner forms with Finn, Rey stands with her arms crossed near the boat that Finn will take with Rose back to their island. It’s hard to be here with Luke gone, but the island itself remains basically the same. Ben has been training Finn and Rose, while they help him build a training temple. Rey has stepped away from her Jedi practice, the timing not being great with her emotional balancing act attempting to teeter out of control. One day she will return to it, but not for awhile, her saber at rest in a box under their bed.

Steering clear of this island, where she once trained with Luke and first bonded with Ben, it holds too many memories she can’t incorporate into her daily habit of existing, but Ben had forgotten the basket of food he was to bring for lunch. Though, now it is closer to dinner as she had to muster the courage to cross in a boat of her own to bring it. Rose runs down the slope of the hill towards her, a large smile plastered across her face.

“Isn’t he getting good?” Rose gushes proudly of her longtime crush.

“Sure is.” Rey offers her an encouraging smile, her fingers tapping on the side of the basket she has held to her chest to save the weight off of carrying it in one hand. Her eyes never leaving her husband as he shows Finn another move.

Bouncing in her step beside her, Rose looks down her line of sight. “You did that, you know?”

“Did what?”

“Created this,” Rose explains brightly. “It’s amazing.”

“I didn’t do any of this, he did this.”

Rose turns to her then, disapproval on her face, “Without you, this wouldn’t be happening. You had hope when the rest of us felt it fading. You fought for it, to bring it back into the light of day where it can prosper. This _is_ the new rebellion.”

Rey guffaws at her, “No, Ben was always our last hope.”

“And _you_ believed in him.”

Rey smiles slightly. “I guess I did.”

“That means you were the catalyst.”

Rey doesn’t respond, a smile breaking over her lips as Ben strides down the hill easily with his long legs. A lightness to his step it is evident the transition he has been through. Unsure she ever made him appear this happy.

His palm to his forehead, he gives her a fake frown before kissing her on the cheek. “Sorry you had to come out here.”

“I’ve done worse.”

“Rose, do you mind?” he asks, handing the basket to her. “Go ahead and eat then head back.”

“What are you going to do?” Rey asks, watching Rose fumble her short legs up the hill.

Without an answer he pulls her hand into his and draws her down to a walking path near the dock. Winding around to the side, it climbs the hill weaving back and forth equalizing the steepness. The view along the way is breathtaking, the ocean waves rippling intermittently towards the shore. Pausing for a moment he spins her towards the waterfront.

“Smell the air,” he begins, his lips pressed close to her ear, “how clean and crisp with salt it is. I think of you every time I come out here, because you are the ocean around the island that is my heart. Smoothing all the jagged edges smooth. Wrapping itself around it securely.”

Rey squeezes his hand. “I think of you when it rains. The first time our hands touched was in a storm on this island. I can remember the chill in my skin and the cold of my wet hair. How none of it bothered me, because you were here with me. It was the first time I knew what you would become one day, and the first time I knew I was falling in love with you, _so_ deeply.”

Tugging her with him, he pulls her higher up the hillside, speckled with raw rock formations. One that brings back a memory to her, one of the first formations she destroyed in her initial training. Reaching the top of the hill, he stops, pulling her to his side. There in front of her is an artistically crafted stone temple large and circular in shape with a view of the island all around it.

“You finished it,” she says reverently.

He nods. “Come see the inside?”

She allows him to pull her inside that is lit with hundreds of candles, stone chairs with handmade pillows are placed randomly around the walls. In the center, the space where Younglings and Padawans will stand one day under the tutelage of her husband and maybe even herself... eventually. He points up where she sees tapestries strung, representing the Skywalker name.

“It’s beautiful Ben,” she says, moving her attention back to him.

“You have to be the first,” he says, her lightsaber in hand, held towards her.

“I can’t,” she says, looking away.

Grabbing her hand, he sets it in her grasp. Tightening her fingers around it, he flicks the switch to activate it. “You have earned it. My redemption is not complete until yours is.”

Gazing at her saber as a million emotions run through her until memories from the past begin seeping into her. Tears rim her eyes, but she can’t stop looking at the color of her saber as it glows gold. Unique among saber colors. Taking a deep breath she gives the hilt a fluid spin, bringing it smoothly down to her side.

“Go on,” he urges. “My guardian of the Jedi Order.”

Centering herself in the room, she takes her stance and begins to do her most extensive set of movements. A form so complex, Ben will likely never teach it unless by request. Lengthy as it is beautiful, she can feel the minutes slide easily by as she skims about the room, Ben watching from the side with admiration. When she comes to an end point, pausing momentarily, she hears his saber come to life as he joins her and they begin again from the start. Time disappears as her eyes close and she can sense every move he makes and how to respond accordingly. They could do this blindfolded and still _see_ everything they are doing. As they wrap up their steps, they hear Rose and Finn both cheering them on with applause.

“I’m gonna be that good,” Finn says, “Right?”

Rose slaps him on the arm. “It’s not about the form, it’s about the connection. A tool to hone in on your center to be one with the Force.”

Ben and Rey remain speechless momentarily, having not expected them to show.

“Rose is right, but we’ll see. Maybe one day,” Ben tells him. “I thought you two were heading back after eating?”

“We are, but we could sense you two. So we’ll go now,” Rose blushes, grabbing Finn and pulling on his arm to follow.

“But I want to watch more.”

“No, you don’t,” Rose says, disappearing down the hill, Finn in tow.

Laughing, Rey faces Ben. “Thank you,” she says, walking backwards carefully until she is backed up against the wall, dropping her saber on the nearby cushion first, she waves a finger at him to follow.

A curious tilt to his head, he smiles and follows watching as she slips from beneath her flowing dress. Adding his saber next to hers, he presses her back flat against the cold stone. One hand finding her lower back tugging her lower half against him firmly, his lips press to the side of her neck nipping a tender spot before giving it a well-involved suck.

Looking at the reward her skin offers, he whispers, “Rey, this is an awfully sacred place for such an act.”

Deviously, a grin sneaks upon her lips. “For us, this is a sacred act, befitting of anointing a sacred temple.” Her hands work the fasteners on his pants while he assists by removing his shirt.

“Clever girl, sweetheart, as always.”

Her hands roam around his sticky body to squeeze his backside as his teeth sink into her shoulder with another kiss. Running her hands over his chest, shining from sweat, she grazes his skin with her nails. A counterbalance to his nipping her roughly. Her waist gripped tightly in his hands, he lifts her in order for her legs to wrap around his body. Leveling her where it takes no further action for him to insert his rigidness inside of her with a gasp slipping from her lips. Her head presses against the stone wall briefly, allowing herself to adjust to him. Then reaching to him, pulling him in closer, effectively pinning her between him and the wall, she feels the smooth stone agitating her skin as he moves within her.

Each thrust forces the air from her lungs momentarily in a groan. Gazing deeply into his eyes as he devastates the inside of her, she smiles happily aligned with every thing he is feeling, his arm wrapping around her waist forcing her pelvis tightly against him.

“I love you, Ben.” Her words come out broken from lack of air.

“I love you more,” he replies, capturing her mouth with his, her scream lost in his kiss.

Her body trembling weakly, he rocks her against the wall until he finishes inside her. Thrown over the edge by the intense pulsing of her core. Leaning against her, he relishes the feel of her as she runs her fingers through his hair soothingly. She pulls his head to hers. Forehead to forehead panting to catch their breath, she kisses him deeply.

“Can you feel it?” she asks.

“Yes, why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I wanted it to be the right moment. This seems like a good one.” She pulls his lips to hers. “A new beginning for you and me, a new baby, and a new, new order, a Jedi one, with a glorious new temple. I have never seen so much new in my life.”

***

Returning to their personal island, Rose and Finn come for dinner. A feast to celebrate their new start. An opportunity to share a moment of solidarity as they move forward. Together a band of misfits, united on the same front, eat a well coursed meal paired ceremoniously with the islands best spirits.

“Are you not celebrating with us Rey?” Finn asks as they clink their glasses together happily.

“No, maybe after the new baby gets here,” she replies, a knowing smile directed across the table to her loving husband Ben before covering her ears as Rose squeals in excitement.

“I’m sorry, that’s really exciting. I can honestly say that I am very happy for you two, and thank you. For the opportunity to discover our true selves, and giving birth to hope once again. Hope would make a great name if it’s a girl by the way,” Rose gushes, cheerier and cheerier with life as each day goes by.

“Me too. We have all been through too many losses in this war. Far too many, but without the lessons we have gained from those tragedies, we wouldn’t be here now. Forgiveness was never the answer, letting go of the past, however, is the answer. I, for one, feel blessed to be able to create a new start with my newfound family, I could have never imagined,” Finn holds his glass up, “To family.”

“To family,” Ben says with the others. “I have to say thank you too. For not leaving me with a haunted past to be tortured by what I cannot take back. You all have given me a chance to move on, with a wife and daughter, another baby on the way,” he pauses to keep the tears collecting in his eyes from falling, “I’d like to dedicate our new beginning to my mother and father, who always held out hope for me, and sent me the one person who could bring me home.” Wiping the tear that has snuck away with the back of his hand, “woah that’s been a long time coming.”

Rey bites her lip, her turn to speak up and share how she is feeling, “Family was something I knew I had, but could never find. A sense within me always reminding me to be patient and it will come when it is time. Now that time is here, and I have a family I could never give up. I will stand by you all until my death to protect you, the way my parents had wished I was protected. They died for me. I would die for each one of you… again,” she laughs softly. “But I would, because I love you all very much. We are on the precipice of something truly amazing. I think it’s time we begin looking for others.”

After dinner Ben and Rey walk their guests out. Rey wanders away as Ben says goodbye. The sunset this time of the evening is an impossibly beautiful picture. Pink and purple hues splash across the sky, and the sound of the waves beating the rocks reminds her of a heartbeat, steady and predictable. Ben slides his arms around her from behind where she stands looking out across the water below.

“You knew there was going to be a day that you would have to return to the Resistance.”

“I know,” she says, wrapping her hands over his. “Are you ready to meet your greatest challenge?”

“Only with you, my love, only with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to greet you with the end, but here we are anyway. Thank you all for supporting this fix-it. Hopefully, it helped to bring some kind of joy and closure to those like me who felt betrayed by TROS itself. I went back and reread the entire work this last weekend and fixed some smaller typical typos, and even though the beginning is a bit rough I left it as is. This is my first piece in a couple of years, so thank you for the comments and the kudos, the more the merrier, of course. I am scripting my next piece now, and will continue to work on the  Magnetic Minds series. Thanks again!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy my semi-slow burn, twisted idea of how these two love birds make it work. If you have read this previously, you know I have done some minor editing for continuity sake. I appreciate all the kudos and comments, it makes writing all the more fun, and stims my creativity into overdrive. I do my best to update quickly, but sometimes I do get distracted. Currently, we are under stay at home orders which do not apply to me. I had hoped they would so I could get more content out, but well, no. So, hopefully, if you like my content I have enough out there for you if you do indeed have to stay home.


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